Post # 1
This has not been the easiest year for me. I have been struggling with feeling insecure with my post college life and that has seeped into all areas, including my relationship. I know the issues I feel are all in my head, but lately I have been feeling a little neglected.
Our roommate has an odd schedule so for the most part we don’t see him. But lately he has been around more. He has also brought home a 3D printer. So for the past few weeks it has felt like my SO has spent more time with our roommate than with me. I understand that we don’t have to spend every single moment together, but my insecurity makes me feel like he would rather come home and spend time/talk with our roommate than with me. Like we haven’t had as much “us” time because there has been friends around or our roommate. I hate that this makes me sound super needy and selfish and I don’t know what to say to him. It’s like we’re in seperate parts of the house. He’s in the computer area and I’m in the living room and he’ll come over and give me kiss or blow a kiss to me from across the open are.
Is this just me being stupid/silly and I need to get over this issue of mine or should I mention to him that I’d like some more “us” time?
Post # 2
I think you’re totally justified in feeling how you do. DH used to do this, too, and until I sat down and had a conversation with him about it and how it was making me feel he really didn’t even realize it was bothering me. Just sit down and tell him that after he’s been gone all day, you’d like some time with just the two of you to catch up on your days, etc.
Post # 3
Aly7489: I would say “honey, I’m having a hard time right now. I think some ‘us’ time would make me feel better. Can we please go for a walk/grab coffee/watch a movie tonight, just the two of us?”
Post # 4
Thanks. I’m sure he doesn’t realize he is doing it and he finally told me that he’s having a hard time at work. He’s the type to stay in his head when he is having a problem. This morning we did have some extra time together and I told him it felt good because we’ve been busy lately and its felt like we haven’t had as much “us” time. I’ll see how he feels when he gets of work today. If he is having this hard of a time at work I don’t want to overwhelm him.
Post # 5
Oh. Let me correct my original post. We aren’t in seperate closed off rooms. Our living/kitchen/computer area is a big open concept thing so we always see each other. Unless they go downstairs to the garage.
Post # 6
Aly7489: I know I can get pretty obsessive over new things, and yes it may be a couple weeks before interest fades and my FI works out of town A LOT. So even though we live together, we don’t spend much time together. But he’s a trooper and knows how I can get, so his response is “as long as we are together, I am happy doing whatever you are doing”. Even if that’s him watching me be obsessive or him doing his own thing in the same room.
You guys live together and you can see him marvel over this new toy. It sounds like you are jealous over a machine. Why don’t you try joining him If you need to be that involved. Or how about picking up a hobby for yourself, while he is playing with this new toy? its not like he is completely ignoring you for this machine. And if it still bothers you, ask him to limit his time.
Post # 7
Aly7489: I feel like I could have written this post. I travel a lot for work and told my fiance that I need better communication from him during the week. The other day he called me for 10 minutes and then said he was super busy and had to go do work. Later I texted him and he responded “chatting with X (roommate), can’t text, it would be rude” and I was like, “umm, okay” and THEN three hours later I asked him how he was doing and he said he was WATCHING A MOVIE.
I was fuming. I still am. I guess the only thing we can do is let them know how we feel…?
Post # 8
Aly7489: Lol, I have to say…if I had a 3D printer in my house, I would probably spend a lot of time playing with it too! That’s gotta be super cool! I can’t blame him for being excited about that sort of thing. If this behavior is new since it came into the house it’ll eventually lose it’s newness, so I wouldn’t worry too much!
Post # 9
Yeah I totally hate that I sound like I’m jealous of a machine. I have had this thought and wanted to bash my head into a wall for how stupid I sounded. It’s not a super baller printer, but it is nifty. I just feel left out when the boys play with it because all I can do is stand back and watch it’s SEVERELY slow process of printing lol. Seriously…a small Storm Trooper helmet took 20 hours lol. It’s not a permanent fixture in our home because it’s on loan to the roommate. So it will leave at some point in time. Even though it does not super interest me (the concept and ability, yes. Machine, no), maybe I should try just sitting near them and pretending to be interested.
This morning I was just getting super bummed and being hard on myself even though I knew I probably shouldn’t be. I knew there would be some helpful and understanding voices on here, so thank all of you.