(Closed) feeling bullied by mom for wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@kingytobe: That’s a tough one.  Could you tell your mom that your bridesmaids all chipped in and paid for the hotel room the night before the wedding as a “gift” to you?  Or can you tell your mom that the hotel room is for your bachelorette party?

As for the limo, is it possible for you to get your parents a lincoln town car or something to follow you in?

Post # 4
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sounds like she feels excluded and that’s where the hostility is coming from. Most moms like to play an important role in their daughter’s wedding day. Aren’t there a couple things you could have her do to make her feel more included? Maybe try to arrange some one on one time with her like a dinner and ask her for advice, even if it’s awful advice and you just have to force a smile and keep nodding. She’s your mom and it will mean a lot.

Post # 6
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Despite what you’re saying you want, it really is not all that unusual for the bride to stay with her family the night before, or for the parents to ride together with the BP. The only other way I’ve seen it is the bride being driven alone with her Dad. Take deep breaths…it will be OK, and I hope you work it all out.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Can’t you be honest with her, and tell her she is being too pushy? I understand she’s your mom but you also have friends and other people you need to spend time with too.

Post # 8
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@kingytobe: I TOTALLY understand how you feel about lying, especially to your mom, however, maybe if you present the hotel idea to her in this way she will not feel so offended.  Plus, I really don’t think you and all of your bridesmaids should have to come out smelling like dirty ashtrays just to please your mom (I used to smoke and KNOW how that smell can stick to EVERYTHING).  It’s not fair for you and your girls to have spent all that money on your bridal-wear to come out smelling like you were at the club all night.

Also, I agree with KatyElle.  Perhaps you can find someway to make your mom feel like she’s “part” of your wedding day and not just a spectator.  Maybe you and your bridal party can start the evening at your mom’s and then go over to the hotel.

Post # 10
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Put your foot down. I know it’s not easy — but this is your life, your marriage, and you aren’t a child. You are a woman about to be married, and besides, I don’t think you’ll feel very rested sleeping on a mattress on the ground with five other adult women. This isn’t Girl Scouts!

Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh…thought it was just you staying with her, so now it makes sense. I like the idea of starting the night there and going to a hotel later. Considering those sleeping arrangements, you’d think she’d be happy about having you get a good night’s sleep in a real bed!

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