- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
For the past month, my mother has been making me absolutely miserable. Ranging from being dismissive of my wedding planning to trying to control the planning, with a healthy dose of criticism of my fiance thrown in for good measure. Yesterday I took several hours to do some soul searching and to figure out what I really want as far as the wedding and my relationship with my mother.
I love my mother, but she has a hard time letting go. Looking back she’s gotten very voilatile around major life steps like when I started dating, first serious relationship, moving out, etc. Even though she’s known that Mr. Cappugcino and I were planning to get married, I think that buying the ring and starting to plan made our getting married seem real to her. I don’t think it’s so much that she disapproves of Mr. C or that she honestly wants to control the wedding. It’s just a manifestion of her having a hard time coping with what she’s seeing as the last step of letting go. Dismissing the wedding plans is an attempt to deny the fact I’m getting married. The times she loudly voices that it should be small and simple I think are an attempt to minimize the situation.
If I look at things honestly, my mother is going to have a rough time coping with my getting married whether I have the wedding she wants or the wedding I want. I can’t control how she deals with her feelings. However I can control how I deal with her and the situation.
Last night I told Mr. Cappugcino what I’d like for the wedding and he’s totally on board.
– Guest list of 35-40 people because since there are always additions to keep the peace, spare feelings etc. I figure if we lowball the number initial number, it will help keep the final number to around 50. Enough people for it to feel like a party but keep costs under control.
– Probably somewhere in the Vancouver vicinity because it cuts the travel costs for Mr. C’s people and the cost for my people won’t be much different than if we’d stayed with Ontario.
– Then for the theme to go for the baroque look I love and as a unifying element, but to work in all our favorite things in subtle ways. That way it will be elegant and all go together, but be a reflection of us and who we are as a couple. It hit me that no matter how odd an interest is, that if we think outside the box that there’s a way to make it fit.
(For example, we both like forensics. Serial killers are not exactly wedding appropriate. However, Bach’s Goldberg variations figure in both the Thomas Harris books and the films which we loved, they also happen to be classical baroque era music. A subtle nod that would fit the theme and we’ll know what it means and at the end of the day that’s what matters most.)
He loved the idea of making the theme things that make us happy and finding ways to bring it all together with a baroque/marie antoinette feel. Since my mother isn’t dealing well with letting go, we’re going to plan the major elements of the wedding and tell her together after we’ve booked key vendors. If she wants to contribute to planning after the most important elements are in place, she may and if she doesn’t then it’s up to her. I feel the best I have in weeks!!!!
So, Baroque on a Budget, here we come!