Post # 1
Hey Bee’s, I’m having a down day today 🙁
I feel like poo. Partly because my 26 year old cousin and husband just gave birth (literally, like two hours ago). On one hand, I’m very happy for them. But on the other hand… I’m so upset. Here I am, 30 years old, I’ve work so goddammed hard, been through so much in my life, and I am no where close to where I want to be. Unfortunely, that’s life though, right?
It really bothers me that everyone (my friends and family) get everything they want so easily, no questions asked, no waiting, nothing. Everything is handed to them on a silver platter. Meanwhile, I’m working so hard just to even get a GLIMPSE of their happiness and their life. Yes, I fully admit it: Having a husband and a family is pretty much the only thing that would make me 100% happy. I would finally feel complete. You can disagree or agree all you want, but I’ve been through the waiting process before (for 6 years), only to get engaged and get terribly terribly hurt and things fall through. I’m not talking about… ya, I got my heart broken. I’m talkin’… I almost ended up in the hospital. It was hell, and I don’t want to go through it ever again. In fact, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
My point is, is that sometimes I just get so tired of working so hard and getting nowhere. Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up, but then I’m reminded of how far i’ve come and my relationship with my b/f and it keeps me going. I guess today I’m just having a really down day where I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere in my life and I have nothing to show for it.
Post # 3
Oh hun! I’m so sorry!
You just have to know that there lives probably aren’t as good as they sound. The grass isn’t really any greener on the other side. I’m sure there are loads of things better with your life.
Post # 4
I’m having a crappy day too 🙁 I know what you’re saying….it really does seem like others have things happen easily. I try to remind myself that I’m only seeing them and their situation from the outside. I want to get out of my funk today but have no idea where to start. Maybe venting on here will help? I hope your day gets better!
Post # 5
The downs are such a pain in the butt!! I’m 35 finally got engaged, getting married in july. I finally finished school and now I can’t find a job because the job market is saturated in my field. I don’t have any kids, so when when we finally try will my age get in the way? It always seems that there are more things that go wrong then go right. I think that it can be a blessing to have it hard, we are so much stronger that way. But agree it its one thing after another and its unrelenting it makes life seem not worth it. Find what is great about your life, I bet there are people who envy whats right in your life. Stay strong!!!
Post # 6
Aww Gwen I’m sorry to hear (read) that you are feeling this way. I felt like this all of Monday night and Tuesday morning. I was so upset that on the ride home from work on Monday I shut the windows, turned up the music and I screamed my head off. I screamd about how much confidence I have lost waiting and how I want him to man up, and how embarassing it is to hear people say “You guys have been together for 5 years you should get married.” By doing this it helped me a lot, maybe you should try it next time you are in your car.
You deserve a nice glass of wine tonight!
Post # 7
@Gwen von D:Ugh, I feel ya, girl! I’m nearly 30 myself (in two months) and am nowhere near where I wanted to be. I’ve been there with the hurt from a past bad relationship, felt like it was a complet waste of my valuable time that I could’ve been doing something else with my life. And I’m of the same mind that it seems I work soooo hard, just to stay afloat, meanwhile, others all around me are sailing away without a care in the world. It blows. Majorly. But, like others pointed out, it’s probably not as peachy as it seems. I try to remind myself of that when I get ‘craptastic’, lol.
Don’t feel bad about what you want to achieve your happiness, either, ’cause I’m right there in that same boat. Trust me, you are not alone. I would literally be the happiest girl in the world if my BF just popped the question already! It’s like someone else posted on another waiting thread a short while back, Blake Shelton said when he proposed to his girlfriend, it made such a huge difference in their relationship, she was happier, less moody, etc etc.
Hang in there, and know that you are not alone! I don’t know what I would do without the support of the hive. I found it just in time, when I thought I would explode with waiting anxiety and frustration! We’re here when you need to vent!
Post # 8
I remember talking to my mom about this in August… She went on and on about how fed up she was with the waiting. I said to her: “YOU’RE fed up?? Would you like to spend a day in my shoes? Multiply what you’re feeling by about A MILLION, and that’s how I feel EVERY DAY of my life.” She apologized.
Anyhoo, yes. The confidence thing: After being engaged once before, and now going through the waiting again… I sometimes wonder what the hell is wrong with me, you know? Has anyone ever felt this way? Do you ever stop and think: “What am I doing wrong?? What’s so wrong with me that no one wants to marry me? What is so ‘unmarryable’ about me???”. And then it’s just down hill from there, lol. I shouldn’t laugh because it’s a horrible feeling to have on top of the waiting.
Having a family and a husband would really make me happy. I would be in heaven. It’s all I’ve talked about since I was a little girl, and it’s all I’ve wanted. And as cliche as is sounds… I want to be a housewife, a mom, etc. lol.
I told my b/f last night that I wanted a baby. He asked why, and I told him. He just said: “I think we need more ‘practice’ first”. So I said: “I think we’ve got it down pat if you ask me!”. Obviously I want a wedding first, but at this point in my life, I’ll take what I can get.
Post # 9
I know what you mean. I feel like I have worked hard with nothing to show, as well. I have paid all of my own bills (besides the roof over my head) since I was 14–paid for my cars, insurance, phone bills, for all of freaking college, food and toiletries, etc for so long now, and I am still living at home with no ring and not a whole lot of extra money (and I am several years out of college). At the same time I see the people who I know that had a lot of handouts and/or parents paid for school already moved out on their own, most married and some working on children. Granted, some of them did not go to college and eventually I hope to see the payoffs of my college education, but for now it seems like they have it so much better. I am not wishing ill on those who had the benefit of parents helping out more than mine, but I can definitely say I’m jealous–jealous that they already have all the things I wish I could have now. I do appreciate the fact that I know the value of a dollar and have learned to budget my life, but I just feel like I worked so hard and have very little to show for it. Both my boyfriend and I paid for our own schooling and we both still live at home. We are trying to save up to move out and get married, and that is our major holdup. It sucks!! I hate that a material thing, such as money, is holding up our happiness 🙁
Don’t feel bad that you want to be married and have a family–a lot of women want that. It is one of the biggest things I want out of life. Just know that you WILL get there, it just sucks that there is a waiting period before it all. We are here for ya to help with the wait! Do as some of the PPs said–grab a glass of wine and enjoy some “you” time. I think I need to do the same, ha!
Post # 10
Can i join the I’m turning 30 club and I’m not where I want to be????? I’m there. and it sucks. I too have worked super hard, had no handouts from anyone and am way behind all my old small town friends who have houses, husbands and babies. i’m not quite ready for babies, but I do want one by 35! Hell, I’m even behind friends who took a year off working because they didn’t like their job and got married during that year. I’m not jealous of the wedding in this case, just that some people can can do nothing and still get everything in life while I have to struggle to save money for a house and wedding and may have to compromise on one.
And I’m fed up of waiting
hang in there ladies, we can get through this!
Post # 11
I hope you feel better, hugs usually make me feel better. Here is a hug.
Post # 12
@Mrs.LetsGoPens: Umm. Yes exactly. I think the worst thing about all the waiting is that it’s starting to shake my confidence in our relationship. Something I wouldn’t have questioned 1-2 years ago. (We’ve been together 6+ years now.) It’s like: If we’ve been together this long and there have been no major issues, and we’ve lived together 3 years there has to be SOMETHING else wrong that I don’t know about that is keeping you from proposing.
And then I just sit around imagining what terrible things I don’t know about that are the cause of these issues. Has he secretly been cheating on me for years? Does he just not love me that much and has just been hanging around because he doesn’t know what to do? Has he decided he doesn’t want to get married at all and he just want to deal with the breakup so he’s not saying anything?
Believe me, I’m fully aware that these are totally crazy thoughts and I’m catastrophizing the entire situation, but I CANNOT stop sometimes because I’m just obsessed with this problem.
And I was on the good side of waiting just a few weeks ago. :
Post # 13
Aww hun! You should treat yourself to a little something. Maybe a mani/pedi or go see a movie or something FUN!!
Post # 14
Can I just say… that if a marriage and family is the ONLY things in life you think will make you happy… you’re missing out on A LOT of life. I’m treading lightly here… but I think the media has a lot to do with our marriage/white picket fence/2 babies/1 dog obsessions.
This leads us to covet and truly look passed what’s right in our face. Just because you’re 30 and not married or with child does not make you BEHIND in anyway!!
Additionally, yeah, some people get crap handed to them. I left home young, joined the military, have been on my own financially supporting myself since then. My brother, on the other hand, stayed home, had his college paid for, car bought, has a bajillion dollars in the bank. I could sit around feeling sorry for myself or just think about how not fair it all is… but you know what!
I guarantee because of this there are a lot of things about me that are stronger than just my piggy bank. There’s an upside to absolutely everything. I know it’s hard to see it that way sometimes.
You’re giving your ex too much thought, you’re out of hell and now it’s time to leave hell behind. There are so many things to you beautiful young ladies than a man and a baby!!
Maybe it’s time to pick up a hobby or three 🙂 Don’t be so down on yourself, please!
Post # 15
OMG! Where do I start. You ladies have said exactly how I feel and have felt many days. I think I have a “craptacular” day once or twice a week. UGH!
In a relationship for 3 years and each “waiting” day it seems to get harder and harder. I know what you mean by wanting a family too. We both want a child together but I AM NOT doing it until I get married. I have 3 friends who are prego right now and it makes me sad. Not to mention 3 Co-workers who have gotten married in the last eleven months and there are only 7 people who work at my firm. To add insult to injury I’ve been in my relationship longer than all of the newlyweds. Yes the ONLY one at work not married or even engaged. It SUCKS!
@Wonderwoman217: Can you provide a link to that? I think that the Blake Shelton guy needs to talk to his fellow MEN and tell them what this is doing to our confidence and self esteem. They don’t understand that once they give us what THEY hold the key (ring) to that it will totally change our relationships. I don’t think it’s done on purpose but we can’t help being moody because this is embeded in our minds. So when I spend time with my BF it’s like I can’t enjoy it because I hate waiting and want to be his wife. I need that story to email my BF or something of the sort to try to get him to understand.
A “treat yourself day” is in order. I think I drink wine most nights so that won’t help. LOL! Buy yourself something nice, research and pre-plan your wedding, or just do whatever your hobby is and something you enjoy. It works for me. A least for a little while 🙁
Post # 16
@PrettySedity: IDK how to link a thread into this comment, but the name of the thread was “I found a ring box”, and the commenter who mentioned Blake Shelton was carolinabee. It’s soooo true, and I think it should be posted on a billboard somewhere. Also, another bee posted “A letter to those who know a waiting woman”, it’s reeeeeeally good, too. So good in fact, that I copied it and posted it on my Facebook page, lol!