Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
Hey bees, this is going to be a long one.
Feeling a little down lately and I could really use your encouragement/advide/wisdom! Basically, BF and I decided to wait about 6 more months to get engaged. Part of the reason is I got an awesome internship in Texas (yay!), but that means 6 more months with about 10 hours between BF and I (I’m currently at school in SC, he works in MO).
The other part is…he talked to my dad. And my dad basically said wait, I’m too young, I need to figure out my life first, etc. BF kind of picked like…the worst possible time to ask him and my dad is absolutely terrible with surprises…so I get why my dad responded that way (he’s also super protective and will think I’m too young until I’m 50)…but I think he kind of totally scared BF away from the idea altogether. They’ve apparently talked more and my dad has acknowledged that my parents know we’re committed to each other and have a good strong relationship, but they want to “counsel” us during our engagement, whatever that includes. He assured BF it’s not that they don’t like him, it’s that they want me to get life experience first. They said it’s our decision though and they’ll support us.
We got into this dumb fight over it, because I didn’t know they’d talked and all of a sudden BF put the breaks on hard. I didn’t understand and was hurt. Then he explained it to me and we talked and decided to wait. Except I’m having a really, really hard time with letting go of the fact that he was going to ask next month. I feel like he doesn’t understand why I’m having a hard time with it, and that lately I’m not getting what I need from him emotionally. He doesn’t understand why I can’t make up my mind about if I want to wait or not.
BF is suddenly so adamant about slowing when just a month ago he was just as adamant about moving forward. If he wants to wait, fine, I think it would suck to be apart for the first 6 months of our engagement and for that I’m willing to hold off. 6 months isn’t that much in the grand scheme of things. I just don’t get the sudden change from loving, supportive boyfriend who can’t wait to get engaged. I don’t understand why I can’t get over it (it’s only 6 MONTHS!). He says I’m overreacting.
Am I overreacting? I know I’m young and the stress from school isn’t helping my emotional sanity, but this is really starting to upset me.
Post # 4
A lot can happen in 6 months, especially with that amount of distance between you two. No, I think you’re right to be upset. Well, I guess maybe your dad might see that you’re both ready if you spend 6 months basically apart and things are still headed in the direction of marriage.
Post # 5
@CarolinaPeach13: I’m sorry you are going through this.
You mentioned you are young but how young?
My cousin’s DH asked her her hand in marriage, and she was 19, and my uncle said ‘woah, way toooo young’….and they eloped
If you are graduating from college and you are 22 or so….sure you are young but you do have some sort of life experience I would think.
I also think it’s good that your SO is trying to respect your father in all of this. IF having your father’s blessing is important to you, then you have no choice but to wait.
Otherwise….I mean, unless your dad is supporting you, why would it matter?
Post # 6
@CarolinaPeach13: I’m really sorry. If I found out my bf was going to propose NEXT month and decided to push it back at least 6..I’d probably cry.
I think the best thing to do is try to remind yourself that if you’re going to get married, and be together forever, 6 months won’t matter! When you’re 90 and have been married for 65 years, you won’t be sad about the 6 months you postponed your engagement, but you might be remembering fondly those 6 months you spent at a (possibly) life changing internship that helped mold your future career and self!
I do get it though. We set up a timeline, and bf was supposed to buy a ring this August..we actually had visited venues and were planning a May 2014 wedding. Well halfway into September I was wondering what the hell was going on. Turns out he wanted to save a little bit more money. Then we started looking into rings.. changed our minds.. now it is the middle of November and we are barely about to have my custom setting made! I’ll probably have a near-Christmas proposal, which I have ALWAYS been against. Now we are thinking of moving the wedding to 2015 or else fall of 2014(I really want a spring wedding though..) But when all is said and done, I’m going to be SO excited to be engaged to and marry my soul matey.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
@veryberry13: I’m 21 and graduating early. We’ve been together since I was 18. I’ve lived about 13 hours away from my parents for the past 3 years and have travelled and worked on my own, so I do have some experience. I agree with the respect for my dad thing, and it is important to me, it’s just more that i’m trying to get past my expectations!
@jessicadarling: I did cry, haha. You’re right, 6 months doesn’t matter, and I keep telling myself that! I know it’ll be worth it in the end but it still totally sucks. Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
Post # 8
@CarolinaPeach13: OK I can relate to you so I hope this helps! So I was expecting a Birthday proposal in June. Then SOs brother proposed to his GF a few days before my birthday which pushed my proposal (my SO finally admitted to my best friend he thought it would look like an afterthought because we have been together longer). I was devastated my SO told me I was being irrational. But I knew I wasn’t so I didn’t apologize once for feeling let down(but I also didn’t throw it in his face, if I was having a sad day I was having a sad day). Honestly I’m happy I did, SO finally came around and saw where I was coming from but it wasn’t easy getting to that point.
I don’t think you over reacting one bit. But your internship sounds like an amazing opportunity I would def just wait it out I had to wait another 6 months (hopefully i get my ring on vaca next week!) It really does fly by! you can do it! Keep yourself busy buy tickets to a concert, show plan anything to have little land marks to look forward to! it really helps!
Good luck with your new internship!
Post # 9
@CarolinaPeach13: It DEFINITELY sucks. Being rational doesn’t necessarily help, I know 🙁 There were times when I took a lack of movement as a sign he didn’t actually want to marry me anymore. When I brought it up with the boyf, he was shocked and alarmed. He really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal to push it back a couple of months, especially since it would mean buying me a nicer ring. It didn’t even occur to him that I’d start doubting his intentions when he didn’t, you know, pull through with what he’d said! I’m sure your boyfriend is still as serious about proposing and getting married. You should try and convince yourself that him wanting to push it back is a sign of that..He wants your dad, and you, and everyone else to fully support it when it happens and not have anyone be able to say you’re too young, not ready, etc!
Post # 10
@CarolinaPeach13: I saw your responce to @jessicadarling: Girl cry your eyes out I did at a bar when I found out (My SO thought it would be a good idea to break the news while i was drunk) im not proud of it but he brought that apon himself