Post # 1
Hi bees, I keep reading all these happy and excited brides to be post their joy and I feel so jealous that I don’t feel that way. Me and my bf have been together for 6.5 years and after nagging him to death we are getting engaged. It’s not official yet because my ring is being made and he will surprise me with it. I always wanted the guy to completely surprise me but in this case it seems that I did all the research and picking and he just said “it’s so pretty” and will pay for it when done. i know he is excited in his own way but obviously has different priorities (buy house first and then if have money get married). Regardless, here we are and im obviously sad about the fact that I feel like I’m pretty much proposing to myself due to all the research I’ve done. I’m also really upset about the fact that my parents hate him and his mother hates me. My parents can be materialistic and therefore think he is a loser since he works in construction. Mind you he works for the second biggest construction company in our province and makes double my sallary. His mother just doesn’t like me period.. Not even sure why. She has been nasty to me from the start and flat out says rude stuff “ie. one Xmas she said that I shouldn’t be there for dinner because we are not married. Or that me being a paralegal just means I was too lazy to be a lawyer”. He has stood up for me numerous times but she’s just a nasty single woman! I don’t have too many friends either. Somehow through the years everyone just fell apart and I ended up with 2 best friends and that’s it. They are busy with their own lives and although we talk often we don’t exactly get together or do fun stuff. I just feel like this whole engagement is not exciting or happy and everyone is against it. I feel so alone and miserable about something that should be the happiest time for me. I’m at a point where I flat out fantasies about what it would be like to belong to a different “jolly” family or marry someone else with a nice family… I’ve been criticosed so much by my mother “ie. she even tells me that if I marry him I will end up living a poor sad life with much difficulty because he is not a real man and is stupid”. that I even begin to have doubts myself. My bf is faarr from perfect and his bad traits are so annoying and at times and worry me (he is soo indecisive and a huge procrastinator so I make all decisons). He is a complete mess to the point that everytjing he touches becomes ruined or dirty. However, his good traits are irreplaceable. He is super loyal, thoughtfull and will be an amazing dad one day. I feel like I’m going crazy with my emotions the past year. Sorry for my long post… Just had to get it out..
Post # 2
That sounds really rough and I sincerely wish you the best in your marriage. I just want to say that there is so much fantasy around weddings that is not reality. Movies are not reality, facebook is not reality, Weddingbee is not reality.
He proposes unexpectedly with the perfect ring. Your family and friends are ecstatic and rush to plan your bachelorette in Vegas and two showers. You try on a wedding dress and you start bawling, it is “the one”. You have a 100% acceptance rate to your 50k dream wedding and everyone gives you the perfect gift and nobody gets drunk and starts doing the worm. <- that’s fantasy. Not saying you have unrealistic expectations, just that wedding expectations are set so high they often distract from the specialness of the marriage.
“He is super loyal, thoughtful, and will be an amazing dad one day.” <-that’s real.
(BTW, my dad didn’t like DH at first. Now, his attitude is “I guess any husband is better than no husband”. Thanks dad.)
Post # 3
That’s an interesting situation.
When a relationship doesn’t go the way someone wants it to be, they can either accept that’s not what they imagined and appreciate the positive things, or they can evaluate their situation and do what they can to change it.
Since it sounds like you’re going to go ahead and marry your soon-to-be fiancé, accepting the fact that neither your or his parents are supportive is the best thing you can do. You can’t change their minds, but you can change your interactions with them, how you involve them in your lives, and what information they will be told.
There are some questions you should ask yourself and really think about, even if you think you already know the answer: will you resent him for not proposing to you the way you always wanted? Are you ok with having a husband — someone who you are tied to legally — who is indecisive and procrastinates? Why did you lose all but two of your friends? Are you sure your parents dislike him just for his career and not for his bad traits that even you admit are worrying? Are you sure that you will be able to live the life you want with this man?
Really think about the turn your life has taken while you’ve been with this man and whether you’re ok with things continuing the way they are. I’m not suggesting you leave him, just that you think about this as much as possible so that you can make the decision(s) that are in your best interest.
If you are sure that this is the man you want as your husband, ignore both your and his parents, and get on with your life. They can feel and think what they want, but you and your soon-to-be fiancé aren’t obligated to do what they want you to do or involve them in your lives.
When it comes to the proposal and how you feel about it, there’s not much that can be done unless he decides to surprise you on his own. That’s something you’ll either have to accept, let go, or not accept and find a man who will propose the way you want.
Post # 4
Pinksterooni: First, I think you need to let go of these notions of how things are “supposed” to be, such as the engagement being a total surprise. There are a lot of posts by women who did get surprise engagements and end up hating their ring. I think it is a good thing you have had input. Don’t get caught up in stereotypes. Weddings and engagements don’t have to be any certain way. Don’t feel like you need to have a big wedding to fit some romantic sterotype. Have the wedding that is exciting for you guys as a couple.
I’m sorry that both your Mom and your MIL suck. I’d recommend a planned elopement. Invite your close girl friends and go get married somewhere awesome!
Post # 5
i think you will be happy once he proposes. Even if you know its coming its not official and that will be great.
cheer up your finally getting what you wanted from him
Post # 6
canadajane: “He proposes unexpectedly with the perfect ring. Your family and friends are ecstatic and rush to plan your bachelorette in Vegas and two showers. You try on a wedding dress and you start bawling, it is “the one”. You have a 100% acceptance rate to your 50k dream wedding and everyone gives you the perfect gift and nobody gets drunk and starts doing the worm. <- that’s fantasy. Not saying you have unrealistic expectations, just that wedding expectations are set so high they often distract from the specialness of the marriage.”
Oh my gosh, you nailed it! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a truer statement posted on this site.
OP, please pay attention to this. There are so many brides that post on here weeks to months(years?) about how they still can’t get over how disappointed they are with how their weddings turned out. Usually it isn’t even because of some major trauma or drama, but just because they had this “vision” for the day and built it up to be something it could never be. Do what is right for you and your FI, what will work for you and your FI. It can be YOU and still be awesome!