Feeling depressed :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

That sounds really rough and I sincerely wish you the best in your marriage.  I just want to say that there is so much fantasy around weddings that is not reality.  Movies are not reality, facebook is not reality, Weddingbee is not reality.  

He proposes unexpectedly with the perfect ring. Your family and friends are ecstatic and rush to plan your bachelorette in Vegas and two showers.  You try on a wedding dress and you start bawling, it is “the one”.  You have a 100% acceptance rate to your 50k dream wedding and everyone gives you the perfect gift and nobody gets drunk and starts doing the worm.  <- that’s fantasy.  Not saying you have unrealistic expectations, just that wedding expectations are set so high they often distract from the specialness of the marriage.  

“He is super loyal, thoughtful, and will be an amazing dad one day.” <-that’s real.  

(BTW, my dad didn’t like DH at first.  Now, his attitude is “I guess any husband is better than no husband”.  Thanks dad.) 

Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s an interesting situation. 

When a relationship doesn’t go the way someone wants it to be, they can either accept that’s not what they imagined and appreciate the positive things, or they can evaluate their situation and do what they can to change it. 

Since it sounds like you’re going to go ahead and marry your soon-to-be fiancé, accepting the fact that neither your or his parents are supportive is the best thing you can do. You can’t change their minds, but you can change your interactions with them, how you involve them in your lives, and what information they will be told. 

There are some questions you should ask yourself and really think about, even if you think you already know the answer: will you resent him for not proposing to you the way you always wanted? Are you ok with having a husband  — someone who you are tied to legally — who is indecisive and procrastinates? Why did you lose all but two of your friends? Are you sure your parents dislike him just for his career and not for his bad traits that even you admit are worrying? Are you sure that you will be able to live the life you want with this man? 

Really think about the turn your life has taken while you’ve been with this man and whether you’re ok with things continuing the way they are. I’m not suggesting you leave him, just that you think about this as much as possible so that you can make the decision(s) that are in your best interest. 

If you are sure that this is the man you want as your husband, ignore both your and his parents, and get on with your life. They can feel and think what they want, but you and your soon-to-be fiancé aren’t obligated to do what they want you to do or involve them in your lives.

When it comes to the proposal and how you feel about it, there’s not much that can be done unless he decides to surprise you on his own. That’s something you’ll either have to accept, let go, or not accept and find a man who will propose the way you want. 

Post # 4
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Pinksterooni:  First, I think you need to let go of these notions of how things are “supposed” to be, such as the engagement being a total surprise. There are a lot of posts by women who did get surprise engagements and end up hating their ring. I think it is a good thing you have had input. Don’t get caught up in stereotypes. Weddings and engagements don’t have to be any certain way. Don’t feel like you need to have a big wedding to fit some romantic sterotype. Have the wedding that is exciting for you guys as a couple.

I’m sorry that both your Mom and your MIL suck. I’d recommend a planned elopement. Invite your close girl friends and go get married somewhere awesome!

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i think you will be happy once he proposes. Even if you know its coming its not official and that will be great.

cheer up your finally getting what you wanted from him

Post # 6
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

canadajane:  “He proposes unexpectedly with the perfect ring. Your family and friends are ecstatic and rush to plan your bachelorette in Vegas and two showers.  You try on a wedding dress and you start bawling, it is “the one”.  You have a 100% acceptance rate to your 50k dream wedding and everyone gives you the perfect gift and nobody gets drunk and starts doing the worm.  <- that’s fantasy.  Not saying you have unrealistic expectations, just that wedding expectations are set so high they often distract from the specialness of the marriage.”  

Oh my gosh, you nailed it! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a truer statement posted on this site.

OP, please pay attention to this. There are so many brides that post on here weeks to months(years?) about how they still can’t get over how disappointed they are with how their weddings turned out. Usually it isn’t even because of some major trauma or drama, but just because they had this “vision” for the day and built it up to be something it could never be. Do what is right for you and your FI, what will work for you and your FI. It can be YOU and still be awesome!

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