Post # 1
Yesterday I went to a bbq at my fiances grandparents house. No one knows that I am on weight watchers (just want to loose 20-30 pounds) except for my fiance and his mom. His family is great-but they are extremely chatty yenta’s and sometimes have ZERO tact. We were sitting eating, and I had saved all of my WP points so that I could go to the bbq and eat indulge a little.
His uncle asked me if i wanted a hot dog, i said sure—my fiances grandmother turns to me and yells “you don’t need that! you’ve ate enough already! what did you eat today!” completely mortified me, embarassed me in front of his whole family. I turned to her and she said..ohhhh im just joking..and i said..’that was really nasty’. I turned to my fiance and said ‘that was really freakin rude.’ Well, his family JUMPED down my throat. perhaps I shouldn’t of called her out?? but she embarassed me and really hurt my feelings. His aunt proceeded to take me out in the back, stick her finger in my face and SCOLD me like Im a child. My fiance just stood there, didn’t say anything.
I proceeded to cry, started arguging with my fiance..and took a walk. 1 hour later, I came back to the table and apologized to his grandmother if I offended HER.
I udnerstand his grandmother is the ‘matriarch’, but I had to set the standard NOW, that no one should ever embarass me or make rude remarks to me.
was I being over sensitive?? i feel embarassed..depressed for making a spectacle of myself, and wished this whole thing never happened. now i have this feeling in my head of like..everyone hates me…will never look at me the same.
Post # 3
If I were you, I would have left and not came back. I would also be quite mad that my FI didn’t say anything.
Post # 4
Your feelings are your feelings…own them. I’m glad you had the balls to do that, my jaw would still be on the floor.
I would find that rude as well but now you know things don’t exactly stay with who you tell so I would be careful of who you spill the beans to now.
Post # 5
Wow I would have left the BBQ and uninvited the grandmother from the wedding. She was being RUDE and there is absolutely NO excuse for your FI not to back you up! Is he still a “child” when around his family? I have a BF like that once and I had to toss him after a few years. My FI stands up for me no matter what. We are a united front.
I’m sorry this happened to you. What a horrible family!
EDIT: “Child” as in he won’t stand up for himself or anyone else when one of the “Adults” decides to scold someone. Not “child” as he expects his food to be cut for him. I put the quotes around child too because it isn’t a put down, but rather how he reacts passive when confronted by his family.
Post # 6
WoW!!! Boy was his grandmother RUDE!!! I don’t think I could have done any better!! I am Sooo sorry:( It was good that you apologized later, (and I certainly think that she should have apologized to you) If his family just says anything to anybody like that, then they should have to suck it up when someone calls them on it IMO. I hope your FI stuck up for you. I would have asked FI to bring me home immediately!!! I think if there is any more family drama over it your FI should say something to his family members in your behalf.
Post # 7
Don’t feel bad. I hate when situations like this crop up and just because the offender is over the age of 60 everyone is just supposed to respect everything they do and say. Rude is rude and your FI’s grandmother is not exempt from this rule.
Your FI should have jumped in before it escalated the way it did. And maybe he will next time, everyone makes mistakes.
Post # 8
that sounds like it was an ugly situation for everyone…..you, being embarrassed by what was said, and maybe she, for regretting saying it after it was done. I’ve had remarks made to me before like that. All you can you do is ignore it, or use it as motivation to prove her rude self wrong! Im sorry that you had to go through that though (HUGS))
Post # 9
I’m more mad at your FI than the crazy, rude, insensitive grandmother and aunt. They are both nuts, but the fact that he didn’t say anything, defend you, etc. worries me. Will he ever stand up for you in the future? Doesn’t sound good… What did he argue with you about? Why didn’t he defend you? Did he defend them?? Did he admit what they did was horrible?
How long have you two been together? How many times have you been around his family before?
Post # 10
Unbelievable! I have never heard of something so rude and ridiciously inappropriate! As far as I’m concerned, the grandma and the rest of the family should be apologizing to YOU for treating you with such disrespect! How rude that they would even think of treating you in such a manner. You are not a child a definitely do not need to be scolded by some aunt!
Also, I would have a talk with you fiance because he should of handled this situation much differently.
Post # 11
thanks guys. the family is really nice, generally and have all acceppted me, they are thrilled FI and I are getting married.
they all love to chat, meddle, etc (they are all jewish mothers, i am the only non-jewish..that may not mean anything to anyone, but if you’re marrying into a jewish family, you know what i mean 🙂 )
i love them, they are great, but they have zero tact, my FI sometimes defends me to his family, at other times…does not.
yea, i shouldn’t of called her out, that’s what i apoligized for. i was in the moment, and it just came out of my mouth. i talked to her privately alone and apologized again. he says he didn’t defend me because she was just joking and i took it too far. I did take it to far, but i wish he would of defending me while his aunt scolded me putting her finger in my face. ugh. i am so mortified and feel so crappy today!!!!!!!
Post # 12
Ugh that’s awful. I can’t believe you were the one who ended up apologizing. My sister has been on Weight Watchers for some time now (the whole family knows) and she’s had both success and setbacks. I know she feels like she’s constantly being watched like a hawk when she eats around certain people and like they’re judging every bite she eats. It’s really difficult to know she’s so uncomfortable around members of our family. FI should have stuck up for you. If someone comments about my sister or her husband around me I always mention how hard they work to lose the weight and everyone is entitled to a treat every now and then. I think older people sometimes lack “filter” especially when it has to do with weight, but I really don’t understand why. Maybe it’s a generation gap thing…
Post # 13
No you have every right to have been upset, she was extremely rude. I hate the fact that, as others have mentioned, some people think older individuals can say and do things that others can’t just because they are older! His aunt was way out of line. And I would be pissed if my fiance just stood there and let me be berated for standing up for myself when one of his family members said something so rude. I wouldn’t have come back or apologized. The only people that needed to apologize were his aunt and granny.
Post # 14
@ jen..we have been together almost 3 years, got engaged in april. we see his family basically every other weekend–he is EXTREMELY close to them.
we argue alot, as this isn’t the first time his grandmother has said rude things to me..but this is the first time I have been rude back. usually, I let it slide, and then talk to him about it later in private..he defends her..says she’s old, and its her way of accepting me into the family.
his aunt even went as far as to say i am jealous of the family as my family isn’t as close, and they live in another state, so i don’t see them much.
i argued with my FI over him not defending me…we have had this arguement a couple of times before.
Post # 15
@mareem: I come from a Jewish family and I totally get it! My grandmother is the worst offender because she has always been uncomfortable with her own weight so she projects it on everyone else. I am either too skinny or I have put on too much weight in her eyes (never mind I’ve always been in the same 15 pound range).
I honestly have no advice for how to handle it because I just keep my mouth shut when these comments come out. I don’t acknowledge the comment, I just choose to change the subject or quickly find someone else to talk to. Sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 16
What?! Even if she was “joking”, comments like that are never funny, but cruel and hurtful.