Post # 1
All my bridesmaids live in another state so I understand expenses are an issue! I bought their flights down to help them out a little and told tem just to pay me back when they can, but preferably before the wedding. I also was able to find the dress I wanted for them for $50 and their shoes for $40. So I’m doing my best to keep their costs low, I know they will be spending some on hair and makeup. Now we’re trying to plan a spa day for my bachelorette party and my MOH found a great deal for a package deal for us all for $245 each. Problem is she and I are the only ones who say they’ll do it cuz the others say they can’t afford it. I don’t want us doing one thing and the other girls having to wait around for hours waiting for us. So I talked to my fiancé about maybe just telling them not to worry about paying me back for the flights just to use that money for the bachelorette party! He didn’t like that ideal and sai that was just added expenses, even tho he keeps forgetting thy even owe me the money! I feel hipped and disappointed, his guys are chartering a private boat to take him deep sea fishing and then doing a dinner afterwards, which is going to be at least $250 a person!! It just doesn’t seem fair that he gets to have a nice bachelor party and I’m having to settle for something less!! What should I do?? What’s a good alternative? my MOH keeps saying it’s my bachelorette party so I should do what I want but I want the other girls to have a good time too…
Post # 3
@Sunnyb07: $245 for one day is a lot of money… esp for a spa day. I would not pay that.
Your day can still be “nice” without breaking the bank… I dont know I think that is a lot of money to ask of someone. There are no spa places you can go that are cheaper?
Post # 4
I earn good money and I would hesitate to spend that much on a friend’s wedding. If you want to spend that kind of money, pay for the spa day yourself. I have a budget and I like to spend my “fun” money on other things. I bet with flights and everything you’re probably asking them to spend like $1,000 each, no?
I made sure that the only money I made my guests spend were on wedding gifts.. and those were totally optional. I let them wear what they already owned, and did not ask anything else. I don’t think it’s really fair to ask people to shell out for your day.
Post # 5
@Sunnyb07: Sorry, but I wouldn’t spend $245 on a spa day either- and I can afford it. I am sure you are stressed out, but you sound a little diva right now (just being honest)
It just doesn’t seem fair that he gets to have a nice bachelor party and I’m having to settle for something less!!
This isn’t a good attitude to have- no one is comparing his bachelor party to your bachelorette except you. Plus, oftentimes girls get bridal showers too- I’m pretty sure your FI isn’t having a shower.
As for alternatives, if you want a pampering thing, then get mani/pedis and then go to a blow dry bar to get your hair done. That is less than half the cost and super fun! Then you could go out or have dinner after.
Post # 6
I think $245 is an awful lot to ask people to pay for a spa day especially if they are already in hock to you for their flights. There must be perfectly nice spa options that don’t come at extortionate prices, surely? Or other activities that would make for a great day too.
ETA. There’s really no point in comparing what your FI plans to do and getting all feet stampy because your choice of day is too expensive. Money alone does not make for a good time and I’m sure you’ll have a much better time if you pick something affordable and then have fun doing it.
Post # 7
@Sunnyb07: $245 in addition to the other costs is going to add up fast for your BMs. I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable asking my friends to spend that much and I definitely wouldn’t spend that much on a friend’s bach party. If they can’t afford it, then it’s not fair to expect them to do it. Can you guys go for just manis and pedis and then drinks or dinner afterward? That could be below $100.
Post # 8
@Sunnyb07: that’s a lot of money for a spa day; I know it’s probably frustrating for you since you’re trying to keep their costs low (therefore taking on some of those costs yourself). But you offered to do that, and I’m betting that at least some, if not all of your BMs are probably stressing trying to make sure they pay you back for flights. Add on a $350 spa day (because once you do tax tip and probably lunch it will be at least that) and no one is going to be on board.
Have a talk with your girls about what is doable for everyone for a bachelorette party; these things aren’t required, but I understand you wanting one. So see what’s doable for everyone and go from there. Try not to make your girls feel bad about not being able to afford a certain amount; after all, they are rearranging schedules, paying you back for flights, paying for hair and makeup, paying for wedding gifts, and possibly paying for you a shower or luncheon. That’s a lot for a wedding that isn’t your own. Cut them some slack. You might be surprised at what you guys can do on a budget. 🙂
Post # 9
That’s a LOT of money for a spa day! I wouldn’t be able to afford it either, even if it were my closest friend or family member’s wedding. When you don’t have the money you don’t have the money and cannot conjure it up out of thin air, it’s that simple, unfortunately.
Please don’t compare your FI’s bachelor party to your own, I don’t think it’s a good attitude to have. Spending more money does not always equal having more fun!!!
I really like PP’s idea to get mani/pedis and your hair done, that’s probably quite a bit cheaper. There’s also nothing wrong with just hanging out at your flat/house and playing silly games like “who makes the best TP dress”. I went to a hen party like that once and it was SO MUCH FUN and it cost very little, just food, drink and silly game supplies.
Trust me, you can still have a great time without having to spend a fortune, you just need to get a little more creative. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 10
It’s not a lot to to pay for a full spa day that includes lunch as well! And I offered to pay but my MOH and fiancé will not let me! That is why I’m saying to seems a bit unfair! And no they are ABSOLUTELY NOT paying anywhere near $1,000 for my wedding! They’re actually still paying less for everyhj g Han his groomamen are! And like my MOH said if you accept the offer to be in a wedding across the country you know here are going to be expenses! I told them all from the wet start if it was going to be too difficult for them to do it I understand and am willing to help out where I can! Apparently you all have never been to a spa, a mani/pedi alone is almost $100, and a massage is as well, and that was what the original plan was for us all to do any ways, their idea! Plus we’d have to get lunch while we’re out so, $245 is a fantastic deal!!
Post # 11
Nothing is a fantastic deal if you can’t afford it!
And trust me, $245 IS a lot of money for most people to shell out for what, in truth, are completely unecessary treatments. Even if they are fun to have.
Post # 12
Plus!! I you read the whole thing you’d see I have offered to pay for quiet a bit but my fiancé doesnt want me too!
Post # 13
$245 is a lot and I agree with PP’s. You can find something cheaper. My girls and I are just going to a local line dancing club dressed in our “Bachelorette party gear” i.e. sashes and hats. It’s more about celebrating with your gals than what you get out of it….
Oh, and my FI is going into Chicago and going to a concert with the guys for his bachelor party and I was a little bummed at first that we weren’t doing something like that. But sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that the people are more important than the frills 🙂
Post # 14
I would never pay $245 for a spa day, even if it’s considered cheap for a spa day. Are they flying in for your wedding and your bachelorette party?
You really shouldn’t be comparing yourself to your FI. Are his GMs flying in? If I had to shell out $250 for a party I would much rather go fishing on a private boat charter than get my nails done. Perhaps your BMs are like me and just aren’t into spa things.
I would just go with your MOH and perhaps have your BMs join your for dinner.
ETA: If doesn’t matter at all that you “offered” to pay when you’re not actually going to pay. I don’t think it would make me feel any better about spending $245 to go to the spa just because someone offered to pay but then didn’t. In fact, it might actually make me feel worse because they offered and then took that offer away.
Post # 15
@Sunnyb07: First, I have been to a spa and while $245 may be a “good deal,” it is still a lot to spend for someone’s bach party (even with lunch). I get massages every other month (spend about $70) and rarely get manis or pedis. I don’t do them often because they aren’t something I want to spend a lot of money on frequently. Maybe your BMs don’t want/can’t spend a lot of money on spa things.
The fact is OP, your BMs have expressed they cannot or do not want to spend $245 on your bach party. While it may be a bummer, it’s reality. Rather than ranting and continuing to be bummed, perhaps come up with an alternative that everyone can afford and will enjoy. There are so many other things you can do that will cost much, much less.
Something you could also consider doing is an “a la carte” style visit to a spa or salon. So if people want to spend more and get everything, they can. If they only want a manicure, they can do that but still hang out with everyone.
ETA: It’s fine that you offered to pay, but if your FI doesn’t want you to and you aren’t going to (regardless of desire) then it really is irrelevant to the situation.
Post # 16
#1-stop comparing what your FI is doing with his friends to what you’re doing with yours. it isn’t going to make things any better and his friends are obviously in different financial situations than yours.
#2 if your friends can’t afford to spend the $245, you need to either find something cheaper or just go with your MOH.
ETA: just because you feel like it’s a “good deal” and “not a lot” doesn’t mean everyone you’ve invited agrees with you