- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: October 2017
Hey bees, I’m feeling very conflicted about some friendships that are really important to me- looking for outside perspective or advice. I have a group of friends from school, 6 of us, and we have been one big, close-knit group for the past decade. I have always considered them to my “core” group of friends. However, lately I’m feeling like an outsider and questioning whether or not we’re as close as I always thought.
I think the last time I hung out with them is a good microcosm of the situation, and is what prompted me to write this, so I’ll give some background and then give that example: Most of the group all live in the same city and see each other more regularly, going out for dinners, drinks, etc. They all travel a ton (not together though), and their SOs have high-paying finance jobs so they do “fancier” things than we all used to do together. I, on the other hand, live about an hour and half away in a small town and just have a different lifestyle- DH and I spend money fixing up our house instead of traveling, only have a few friends up here so our social life is pretty quiet, etc. My DH is more of a camping/hunting kinda guy. I go to visit my friends about once a month though, and we usually have a very nice time. However, I feel like our lifestyles are causing us to drift apart and it’s making me question if my friendships with them are as deep and meaningful as I always thought.
The last time we all met up was the first time my friends had seen me since I got pregnant. They asked how I was doing of course, but the conversation quickly turned to them all talking (and talking and talking), seemingly just to each other, about how amazing it is to live in the city and raise children there (one of them has kids, the others not yet) and how dull and inconvenient life seems in the suburbs, naming all the things they get to do in the city that they couldn’t if they lived elsewhere, and how enriched their children will be. My DH and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, not that I felt like going on the defense about my life choices, so we just sat there smiling politely. I was kind of hurt that they were basically talking about how awful life must be in the very place I live- like, hello! I’m sitting right here! Then one friend brought up a show she was going to see in a few weeks and right at the table invited all the other friends to go with her, except me. I know that I live a little far away and I’m pregnant, but they also know I can easily travel to them for the night. They then proceeded to talk about how excited they all were to go to the show while (again) DH and I sat there smiling politely.
I know these both seem like superficial things, but it bothered me. Even just typing it out here already makes me feel better. But what do y’all think? Would you be hurt and questioning your friendships over things like this, or I’m I just being oversensitive? (thanks, pregnancy…)