Feeling down :-(

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hang in there.  I was positive about the day was going to propose.  Three years later, it actually happened.  We had been together 7 years.  Hang in there.  I know it’s super hard with facebook, but just think about what a nice relationship you have now.  It will come!

Post # 4
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you asked him why he hasn’t proposed? 

Post # 6
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You’re in good company here. Many of us “waiting bees” have experienced our fair shares of false alarms and the negative feelings that come along with it. I thought my SO was going to propose on our 6th anniversary this year, but I was wrong. I was pretty bummed about it, but that wasn’t even my first false alarm. For me, instead of reading into when it could possibly happen, I am trying to live in the moment and be happy that it is going to happen. 

I think you need to ask him if he is planning on marrying you, honestly. Some girls can be strung along for a long time, but hopefully that is not what is happening here. 

P.S. Facebook is a b—-. This past summer 4 of my friends got engaged. That was annoying as heck. 

Post # 7
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I would have a discussion with him. Nothing like an ultimatum. Have a dinner, a glass of wine, and through conversation, talk to him about your expectations for the future, and ask him what he wants and when he wants to marry, and start a family. You should not confront him. But you should definitely talk about it together and see if your idea of the future are compatible. And, if you share the same views, how do you plan on achieving it together ? What is your plan as a couple, for the next years to come ? A good communication is your best option at this point. Good luck. 🙂

Post # 8
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Tell him you feel like an idiot waiting for something that may never happen.

I’m a very direct person and I’m not good at hiding my feelings or not saying what’s on my mind.

You’ve spent 6 years with him. Ask him if you’re continuing to waste your life on him, or if he’s going to man up and propose.

If he can’t give you an answer, I would make plans to leave him. Seriously. What else can you do? You’re not happy with status quo, and he doesn’t respect you enough to actually give you an answer. He’s a big boy. Deep down he knows what he wants. He needs to tell you.

Men don’t need 6 years to know if they want to marry you or not. That’s rubbish. You’re letting him get away with doing this to you. Time to put your foot down. I don’t know if you’d call that an ultimatum or not… I’d simply let him know that you’re leaving if you have another conversation with him and he’s still giving you a wishy-washy answer.

Post # 9
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Suzib23:  “we’re happy though, isn’t that enough?”

that makes me feel like he doesn’t know this is something you need in the future. I’d sit down and set up a timeline.

i had to do that with my FI he now talks about how happy he is we’re getting married but if I hadn’t “given him a little shove in the right direction it would have been a lot longer” 

some guys just don’t realize the situation for having a family is time sensitive. 

Post # 10
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Suzib23:  Welcome to the HIVE!

I’m sorry you are dealing with this.  Oh boy, have I been in your shoes!  I thougth we were going to get engaged a year ago and guess what?  No proposal!  It turned me into a bitter waiting bee!!!!

I would only do an ulitmatim if you are ready to WALK!  And honestly, is that what you want? 

I look at the waiting section like a ‘support’ group of sorts.  We are here to help you!  Go under ‘NWR’ to ‘waiting’, and you will find that there are lots of ways that you can get help too!! There’s a waiting list, a safe haven where other bees vent…you are not alone!

PS…I had to deactivate my Facebook account.  I’m much happier not focusing on other peoples engagements and wedding and baby announcements.  Maybe you will be happy too!

Hang in there!

Post # 11
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Do you guys have a timeline of when you want marriage/family/kids and when he wants marriage/family/kids?

Post # 13
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Suzib23:  Ugh, I hate Facebook sometimes too! It just feels like we are all on a “who is having the most amazing life” race. It sucks. It doesn’t help us to be happy with what WE have at the moment we are living, we are always wanting something someone else has and is posting about. It just sucks.

I am not a wating bee, so I can’t know what you are feeling, but I am sure it hurts. Don’t let it hurt you too bad, though. I am sure this guy loves you, but I also agree you have to sit down and just be straight forward to him. Not an ultimatum but just to open up until you are 100% sure he gets how important this is to you.

I wish you happiness and much love!

Let us know how it goes 🙂

Post # 15
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Cabin

@Suzib23:  why not ask him.  6 years is a long time, but it’s 2013… you can plan a sweet proposal and ask him and shop for a ring together… Besides.. Sometimes we girls can be more romantic anyway.. ;-). If not, don’t worry, it will happen.  I waited 6 years.  Then it was a whirlwind! 

Post # 16
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@NauticalDisaster:  +1

@Suzib23:  Oh sweetie. I’m sorry your having a bad day. I second the advice given to you: have a calm and rational discussion about what both your expectations are. After 6 years he should be able to at least tell you whether he wants to get married and have a family. Hopefully he would be able to tell you a basic timeline for that as well.

Do you mind me asking how old you both are? Age doesn’t always matter, but it could be that he feels too young or he doesn’t feel financially capable of caring for a family yet.

And I feel your pain. My SO and I celebrated 6 years together recently and he only just bought the ring. We started dating at 19 though, so that played a big part in how long the process has taken.

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