- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
i just wanted to vent a little here,in my “safe place”.
I lost 65 Pounds since January on WW. Ive been a big girl my whole life, and I still have nearly 80 pounds to lose to be the healthy weight for my height 5’5. I have PCOS, which makes losing weight and keeping weight off feel nearly impossible…
i work in a mall, today a woman who works at one of the kiosks (who sees me probably 5x a week) randomly decided to chat me up, she is foreign to America, (I believe she may be Israeli) not that it matters, but it gives a little more insight into the situation. She goes “wow, your like nearly half your size! Your so pretty! you couldnt see that before !” I just mumbled something back to show acknowledgement and kept it movin’…I wasn’t even sure how to take that, but it made me feel sad.
about a month ago, a customer comes in to my store and loudly exclaims “wow! You lost weight! You look prettier now! I was like -___-
then, after work today I went to my grandmas for a bday celebration for my mom. I got to my grandmas before everyone else.
my grandma mentioned many times how “great I look” she said it over and over….and then adamently said, “stay that way! Would ya?” And THEN she decides to say to me during a long awkward silence in conversation “so…why do you think you are the size that you are? Do you think it’s genetics? (My dad is very big) and SHE is 4’10 and 97 pounds….so ya….for the record, my grandma has made me feel badly about my weight, my ENTIRE LIFE….THAT hurt my feelings so much.
I am proud that I’ve lost weight, however it saddens me that there is a constant pressure on me to keep going and keep off what I’ve already lost, seeing as, people apparently were/are secretly always judging me for my size.
EVERYDAY has been a MAJOR struggle for me on this weight loss journey, and I’m tearing up now just thinking about it….I feel an incredible amount of pressure to keep going because I know it’s good for my health….but seriously, I cant stand the negative commentary that comes with weightloss, like people seem to think its ok to say whatever they want to me about my appearance and weight, I’m still the same person I was 11 months ago…
with that all said, I get nice compliments too, and I do appreciate that…But it’s such a touchy subject and I’m amazed over how insensitive people can be.
ok, rant over.