Feeling down about random rude comments about my weight

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Congrats on your weight loss – That is awesome!

Just remember that you are doing this for you, and your health. Not for anyone else.

I’m sorry that people are so rude.

Post # 4
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

People don’t think about how their words will be interpreted sometimes.  I think that there’s this mentality of, “Any compliment is a good compliment,” even if it’s packaged along with an insult.  Women’s bodies (especialy young women’s bodies) are treated like pieces at an art exhibition.  People seem to think that it’s fine to say, “I like this one,” “I don’t like that one,” “I’d like this one if the style was different.”  I’m sorry that you’re experiencing rude comments from people who think it’s okay to talk about your size.  I work with the public and I’ve been on the receiving side of people’s negative opinions before, too.  It sucks.  If you feel proud of yourself and healthy, that’s all that matters.

Post # 5
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

For what it’s worth, it seems the 2 people at the mall were coming from a good place, and the way it came out sort of took away from it. I have to guess they were trying to be encouraging, and that they have probably never been in your shoes so they don’t see how that could be taken as ‘well NOW that you’re losing weight you’re pretty’! Ever since I chubbed up in college people have always said to me ‘at least you have a really pretty face’ which, is basically like saying that OBVIOUSLY my body is unnacceptable but at this point at least my face isn’t lol!!! But no one EVER said it trying to make me feel bad, usually it was the opposite, as I was trying on clothes to go out for the night, or trying to decide what to eat or something and I’d get upset and they’d say something like that, almost like a don’t worry about it kinda comment, pointing out the positive. As for your grandma, she sounds just like my mom, who ALWAYS means well but just pretty much whatever she wants about my weight thinking she’s being supportive. I would probably just say “Gram, I appreciate that you are considering my health but I really don’t like talking about my weight outside of my WW meetings.”. Keep your chin up, you’ve lost a ton of weight which is a huge accomplishment and will do wonders for your health!! Try to keep in mind that everything you’re doing is for you and no one else. People may mention it and typically those who do are saying it to be supportive, not rude and judgey, try to see it from where they are, if you saw a woman you knew who had lost a ton of weight you might think ‘good for her’ without thinking ‘THANK GOD SHE WAS SO FAT AND UGLY’ I think that’s more what they are thinking!!

Post # 6
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the first two people meant their comments as a complement.

As for your Grandma, I learned a long time ago that older people are blunt and direct, just like young chidren.

Honestly, I think people just can’t win with women who are losing weight. A few years ago, I lost 110 pounds so I am speaking from personal experience. If they don’t say anything, we are pissed because they aren’t complementing us and saying how good we look. If they do say something, like ” You are looking so good”, we are upset because we think they really meant “You used to look so fat and ugly, but I never told you directly.”

Don’t let what people say, derail your efforts. You are doing this for you, not them.

Post # 7
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MUAbride2be:  Congratulations on all you have accomplished. You have every right to be proud. You also have every right to respond to such negative comments with your own words written so beautifully above. There are so may well meaning but ignorant people out there, and I think those people need to hear from you otherwise they will continue to hurt you and others without thinking first of what they are saying. I think you should memorize this, and say it to the next person that comments negatively:

“I am proud that I’ve lost weight. EVERYDAY has been a MAJOR struggle for me on this weight loss journey. I know it’s good for my health. However, people seem to think its ok to say whatever they want to me about my appearance and weight. But it is not okay with me, and I’m needing to share that with you.” Then, see what happens. They might just open up and apologize.

As for your grandma, she sounds like a major symbol and source of negative comments to have been doing this all your life. UGH. Who needs that? Obviously, you love your grandma, but do you think you can talk to her next time you see her? Before she comments at all? Stop her and say, “Now grandma, I love you and I know you love me. I just want you to know I appreciate your opinion, but I am in need of your support and positive comments now more than ever. Can you do that for me?”

Good luck to you!


Post # 8
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MUAbride2be:  I am proud that I’ve lost weight, however it saddens me that there is a constant pressure on me to keep going and keep off what I’ve already lost, seeing as, people apparently were/are secretly always judging me for my size. 

Yep.  It’s true, people do judge people on the way they look all the time.  I’m totally guilty of it and don’t believe for a second anyone else isn’t, even you.  Don’t tell me you’ve never thought something about someone without knowing them; be it a crazy haircut, weird piercings, provocative outfit, being bone thin, being fat, handicapped etc.  That’s what people do.  I don’t think any of thoes people were trying to be mean, they probably think they were giving you a compliment.

Congrats by the way!  

Post # 9
1719 posts
Bumble bee

@Car7yn44:  I agree with this. I couldn’t have said it better myself.


Post # 10
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honestly, take it with a grain of salt (I know that is hard). People feel like they are complimenting you when they say how great you look when you loose weight. FI’s Aunt told me, you look so much better now that you are skinnier. I’ve lost 35 pounds since May. LOL. I know she didn’t mean it in a malicious way, she was really trying to compliment me. So I didn’t take offense.

Great job on the weight loss but more importantly, great job in improving your health! 

Post # 11
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

First things first- CONGRATS ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS!!! I come from a family of big ladies so I know the struggle and battle it can take to carry on. So congrats again!

I thing the people at the mall meant it to be a honest compliment but it came out butchered and insulting. I don’t think they knew how it can be taken or how to actually compliment a person going through your situation. If you hear these comments just politely say thank you and move on. There is no going back and try to hear the nice intent behind those hurtful words.

I am guilty of offending people with my words all the time. I am super awkward and never think before I say things. For instance- I saw a strangers baby in a stroller at work and I couldn’t tell if the baby was a boy or girl but the darn baby so so gosh darn adorable so with out skipping a beat I said, “Holy cow. It’s so stinkin’ adorable!” That’s right. I called her baby IT. As if the baby is this eunuch genderless being. The mom was SOOOO offended. I swear up and down it was not supposed to come out that way. I just suck at giving compliments. Period.

I hope this is the case with all the strangers who make comments towards you however your grandmother telling you to “stay that way” is snarky and uncalled for. I also hope she is just as awkward as me and wishes she could take it back. I feel like that is not the case but hey. We can’t win them all. Stay positive and do what you want to do. If you want to continue on this battle more power to you! Just be proud of what you have already done. Draw inspiration from that and not other people. Do what you want to do for YOU alone. Congrats again!

Post # 12
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Congratulations on your weight loss, that’s quite an accomplishment! I have the utmost respect for people who manage to lose a lot of weight – for me, even losing a few pounds is a struggle. 

Please don’t be offended when people pay you a compliment. Most people really do mean well when they say “wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight, you look great”. It doesn’t mean they thought you were ugly before, they’re just being nice. 

Oh, and as for your grandmother, I completely agree with julies1949, older people sometimes have no brain-to-mouth filter. And it’s really hard for naturally skinny people to understand how being overweight affects a person and how hard it is to lose weight too when they dont’ seem to be able to put it on no matter what they do. I completely understand that you were hurt but I’m sure your grandmother didn’t mean anything bad by what she said.  

Post # 13
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think part of it is that people know how hard it is to lose weight, and how much effort goes in to maintaining your lifestyle changes after major weight loss like that!

I think it’s that no one wants to see that effort go to waste. I have a cousin who was Miss Weight Loss Vermont a few years back. She lost 154lbs in one year, and went from a size 28 to a size 12 through diet and exercise!

She’s now almost as big as she was then (she stopped exercising after getting pregnant). She’s happy to have a baby, but so sad that she never started exercising again and that she gained back all the weight!

Post # 14
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MUAbride2be:  well congrats on your weight loss! I hate when people bring up weight, like everyone is different, no one is perfect, NO ONE! I have had some rude comments  said to me but according to my FI they were not rude. He has 4 sisters who alllll have professionally modeled so needless to say I have always been uncomfortable about my weight and when they bring up weight it is always awkward. I am 5’6″ and 142lbs. My FI always tells me I am perfect and I appreciate that but I always think in the back of my head I probably look like a cow to them and what do they think about me, what do I look like to them? Honestly they are the sweetest people you could ever meet, I love them to death, but come on? I know I overreact but it just irritates me when they talk about their weight like this past weekend we were talking and one of them said “I was huge at my heaviest at 140lbs. ” like HELLOOOO! I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE ALL ‘HUGE’ AT 140lbs umm no?! But I think to myself everyone is beautiful doesn’t matter if your 80lbs. or 480lbs. we are all beautiful! Smile 

true.. now that is why i am fat! hahaha God had to be fair

Post # 15
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@julies1949:  Honestly, I think people just can’t win with women who are losing weight.

This is so true, and honestly, why I won’t ever bring up weight to anyone even if they did lose weight. It can just be interpreted so many ways. My wedding is fast approaching, and I keep getting “Omg, you lost weight!” comments. Honestly, I didn’t, so it just makes me feel very awkward. Like, huh?

@MUAbride2be:  The fact that you are getting healthy and happy with yourself is what counts. People suck. I just posted a rant about how my wedding is coming up yet it’s being shadowed by people’s stupid unsolicited comments re: my weight for the wedding. I didn’t realize we were Kim Kardashian. If you are going to talk and comment on our weight, at least give us the multi-million dollar paycheck!

Post # 16
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I have an almost identical story… Worked in a mall and would get regular customers commenting on how pretty I looked now I was slimmer. Made me furious actually, I don’t see it as a complement. I also have a grandma who will pinch what she didn’t like on my body and compare it to how skinny her arms are or how small her waist is next to mine. This has been going on since I was 8 or so. Really horrible feeling, now she’s in a home  should be visiting her but I avoid it because I have been told that she has become even more brass with her comments.


I really feel for you. Well done on your weightloss that’s amazing! I have slipped and am back to WW tonight for the first time in a year.

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