Feeling down because I'm "not excited enough"

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

“How are you feeling?” is an annoying question? 

Honestly, people are usually just trying to make conversation. When I was engaged, people were always asking about the wedding. Did I want to talk about my dress for the zillionth time? No, but I was polite enough to recognize that an upcoming wedding is an easy topic of conversation. No one really gave a shit what kind of flowers I’d be having, but asking about them is a nice way to pass an elevator ride or a holiday dinner. If you really don’t want to talk about it, just answer the question politely and change the subject, but talking about the things that are going on in your life is sort of the bare minimum for social interaction. 

Post # 3
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Also – not going to family gatherings is a totally valid choice. If they’re driving you crazy, it really is okay to just skip them. 

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

AnonymousCupcake:  I know where you’re coming from. It does get exhausting answering the same questions over and over, but that’s what happens with big life events unfortunately. And you just have to answer the best you can. It’s a great way for people to start a conversation with you, so of course it would only be natural for them to bring that up right away. If you want to avoid certain awkward conversations just say its a decision you and your DH are making together and change the topic.

Nobody thought I was excited either. I work at a clinic, so every co-worker would come to my office and shove babies at me like I was busting at the seams to hold babies. The truth is I don’t like other’s kids that much. I still really don’t care to hold other people’s babies. It’s awkward. It doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom or that I didn’t want to be one.

Post # 7
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AnonymousCupcake:  One of the hardest things we have to do as we become adults is to stop judging ourselves by others’ expectations.

Try to keep in the back of your mind that they mean well. Give the appropriate answer and hopefully they will move on.

Post # 8
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

AnonymousCupcake: I don’t really have any advice but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. DH and I were ttc for 18 months before we finally got pregnant and I feel like I should be over the moon but I’m just not. I think part of it is that I have felt like death warmed over for the past 8 weeks but I’m also tired of the never ending questions. It’s just exhausting. I hope it gets better hun. *hugs*

Post # 9
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

AnonymousCupcake:  I didn’t read through each comment yet, but will after I post my response. I think the pressure coupled with pregnancy hormones may be getting the best of you. Expectations create a lot of pressure and I thoroughly understand what you are going through. Those “expectations” carry into motherhood and it has taken me a couple of years to regain mental clarity. 

I hate feeling like I am expected to feel any particular way, and not feeling those ways does not make me a horrible person. 

For the most part I think majority of people mean well. I will admit to asking those questions when CLOSE friends of mine are struggling with something and it has been made apparent that they want to share with me. You will find that is most cases people tend to be overly excited about the expected arrival and your feelings only matter until the baby arrives and it is all about them. I felt similarly and thought maybe I was having a crisis or mentally incapable of being a good mother…until I realized I enjoyed my pregnancy MY way. After I could eat without hovering a toilet, after I was able to function without 14 hours of sleep, after my miscarriage anxiety subsided, after I got used to a life growing inside of me. It took me a second to be completely ELATED and less terrfied. The constant expectation of a bright and chipper woman created distance between me and some of the people around me. 

 

I hope things get better for you. We are always around if you need someone to vent to. I get it. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  missfroggy.
Post # 10
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with julies, people (most) mean well. I would just dismiss your mom’s opinions since, according to you, she has a history of wanting attention on her. It just sounds like it is part of her personality to stir the pot perhaps?

It’s fine not to be over the moon and shouting how excited you are from the rooftops. It’s normal to feel a bit disconnected as well. Just know that people are trying to be nice. Accept their courtesy and try to enjoy it 🙂 I personally LOVE getting the extra courtesy that pregnancy brings, haha. There aren’t many things in life that gain you such concern from even complete strangers. It really is something that gives me more faith in humanity, when a complete stranger shows interest in my life or opens a door for me, or lets me go first in line.

Try to let comments and opinions on your pregnancy/parenting choices roll off your back. Believe me, that part does not end with the birth of your child. Somone always has advice or an opinion. Just learn to let it go.

Post # 11
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

AnonymousCupcake:  Girl, I feel you! I like talking about pregnancy, but there is definitely a limit! I am still an adult with a full life outside of pregnancy and I still have lots of different interests and things to talk about. I do not like feeling defined by being pregnant. I just briefly answer the question and then change the subject by asking them a question about something totally different. If they ask another pregnancy question, I’ll do the same thing again. It sounds like your family is pretty aggressive about it, though. I’m thinking there isn’t much you can do but put up with it at this point- which I’m sorry about. It sounds like they do mean well, but I can certainly see how you would be frustrated. 

Post # 12
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

AnonymousCupcake:  yeah, I hated that stage. People would always ask me questions and I hated having to respond to the same question 10 times a day. The thing is that people really are just trying to make conversation.

I also hated the judgemental looks I got when I told people we didn’t make some big announcement (pregnancy or sex), I didn’t tell people on facebook and I didn’t want maternity photos.

I just tried to put on a smile and act super excited to talk about it with others even though I didn’t really feel comfortable. 

Post # 14
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

AnonymousCupcake:  OMG, that is so annoying! That sort of stuff makes me so mad, too. There’s something about the “you CAN’T have this” or people focusing on restrictions that bugs me so bad, like I’m a toddler that needs rules or something. Um, I can have whatever I want, thank you very much, I just CHOOSE to make healthier choices or have just a little bit of some things. Seriously, those people make me want to pour myself a (small) glass of wine, just as a f*ck-off to them, whether I actually drink it or not. And I had to LOL at “deeply saddened” by not being able to drink. Too bad we’re not preggo friends in real life…

Post # 15
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

It can get annoying having to answer the same question everyday.  Just wait and see if you’re past or near your due date…I had 10-15 people every day at work coming up to me “You’re STILL here?!” “haven’t had that baby yet???”  Obviously!

But I just laughed it off and would talk to them about it because they don’t necessarily realize you’re being asked the same question dozens of times a day and they’re just trying to make conversation.  And it’ll be over before you know it.

If i really didn’t want to talk about something I’d just give them quick answer or a simple yes/no and avoid discussions.  Good luck!

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