Post # 1
These past two weeks have been really tough for the family, my grandmother just passed away and we were extremely close to her. Its been especially difficult for my mom since we were the ones that mainly cared for her. I know that it is going to take a long time for the family to get back to doing our normal activities and since I live at home I want to be there for my mom as much as possible. I dont like leaving her alone for long periods of time because I feel that she needs me there and needs someone to talk to.
We have our wedding date set for September 6th, roughly 8 months away and while I know that it is still a lot of time I’m worried because we havent done much in terms of planning and I feel I will not have enough time. Also, our family usually goes through a mourning period where some people will take up to a year to start attennding parties or any kind of social gathering. If we push the wedding back we would have to wait until summer of 2015 and since the beginning we had said we didnt want to wait so long. Most of my family is telling us not to change the date but I feel that it would be disrespectful in my grandmothers memory to do so. Also since time is running out I would not be able to have the things I want or wouldnt plan things out because I would be in a rush.
Bees, what do you think? Is it possible to plan everything in 7 months or should I respect the mourning period and change our date?
To add, FI and I briefly talked about it. He says he did not want to wait so long but he knows how hard the death of a loved one is because he has been through it before and says if I really want to push it back then we would. It would give us more time to save and plan but in turn we would have to wait longer.
Post # 3
I don’t think your grandmother would want you to push back your wedding date because of her passing. She wouldn’t want that to be part of her legacy.
I know losing a loved one is extremely difficult. There is a great chance that my grandmother will not live long enough to see me walk down the aisle. But, I know that if it happens, she would want me to be happy and she would want me to marry the man that I love when I want to marry him/on schedule.
Post # 4
I am so sorry for your loss. My DH and I planned a beautiful garden wedding in two weeks. Seriously! We ended up eloping because we planned it so quickly and didnt want to wait. Wedding planning is quick and painless if you are decisive.:) Best of luck!
Post # 5
What would your grandmother want? Do you think she would be happy knowing that you delayed your wedding 8 months away becasue she passed away? I would think my grandmother would be appauled by such a decision! I don’t see how you could be disrespectful… grandmothers have been in the hospital and still want their grandbaby’s to go on with the wedding as planned.
I’ve seen people plan a wedding in 3 months, it was stressful but it can be done. Just list out things that need to be done and write beside them how far in advance they really need to be done – very few if any will likely be over 7 months in advance.
I think if anything this will be worse on your family as they don’t want you to delay it! It will be a chance for them to go out and celebrate, it could make them feel worse to pass your original wedding date with no wedding.
Post # 6
If anything it would be disrespectful to your grandmother to not have the wedding – she wouldn’t want something like that on her memory. The only way I see you being disrespectful if the wedding was intentionally planned on the day before/after her funeral as if to steal her thunder, which it is not.
You should take this opportunity to plan her into the wedding. You can have a moment where you dedicate something to her, include her name on the invitation, incorporate something she loves or reminds you of her into it.
Some people can plan a wedding in a week and somehow pull it off if they have the cash to do so, don’t worry about only 7 months, that is much more time than some brides have!
Post # 7
@arsing89: My grandmother was so excited about my upcoming wedding because I am the first of the grandkids to get married. Eventhough she was sick and there was a possibility that she wouldnt make it she was happy that I was planning it so I know it would have taken place anyways. I hope your grandmother can make it to see you or to help you plan and be excited for it.
@luckylady3090: Thank you so much. I think I just need to get it together and stop putting things off.
@ElayneRunner: I know she was excited that I was getting married and was looking forward to it eventhough she might not have been able to attend. I was mainly thinking of delaying it due to my family going through mourning but like my mom told me, people are going to talk regardless so there is no point in worrying what they will think. We were planning on having a moment of rememberance for FI father and now we can add my grandmother also.
@JessicaJupiter: I know it is plenty of time I think i’m just freaking myself out. We will definitely include her into the ceremony in some way because I know it will mean a lot to our family.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Don’t push it back. I planned most of my details in 7 months and even sooner. I’m sorry about the loss of your gramma.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry for your loss… I think you should go ahead and get married. I think that it may actually lift everyone’s spirits to see the love and joy the two of you have. My dad passed a few years back and my uncle a few years prior to him. I added a moment of silence into the ceremony for them. Perhaps you can as well. I hope you all get through this difficult time and are able to celebrate her life and your wedding. Best of luck!
Post # 10
Thank you ladies. Now that a little more time has passed i’ve talked to my mom who is the one I was more concerned about and she has given us her blessing to go ahead and continue with the wedding as planned. I feel so much better getting the ok from my family because they are all excited to be there for us.
Post # 11
@Ayybety: I think that you and your FI need to discuss this in depth and figure out what is best for the two of you. That might mean pushing back the wedding or it might be continuing with your current plan. . . or it might mean a compromise of sorts. For instance:
My Grandparents married in 1958. Two weeks before their wedding, my Grandpa’s father passed away. It was very sudden and unexpected. My Grandparents asked his mother if they should postpone the wedding and she told them not to. Her only request is that they not play music at the reception as a sign of respect.
My Grandparents went ahead with their wedding. To this day, they feel they made the right choice because his Dad wouldn’t have wanted them to put off starting their lives together. Grandpa only learned this recently, but apparently my Grandma’s only regret was not being able to dance with her father at her wedding.
I wouldn’t suggest the no dancing/music route. If you do try to find a compromise, then maybe you could do something like keeping your current date, but having a moment of silence / prayer in honor of your Grandma. Or you could have a table in remembrance of important people in your lives that weren’t able to be with you on your wedding day. You could also see about carrying something that was important to her when you walk down the aisle or somehow incorporate her favorite song or food or something.
Give it some time and some thought. I’m sure you guys will figure things out.