(Closed) Feeling down tonight, Need advice on how to make new friends

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@Jennybenny16:  friends come along with life wen u work or go to college or even a neighbor it  is harder as u get older but honestly ur better off without tons of friends its better to hav a few close ones u cn trust

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Please don’t feel down.  I’ll be your friend.  I also have stuggled with my Bridal Party.  I have my Fi’s Sister (who doesn’t seem that bothered about wedding or being a BM), my cousin and a girl that I used to work with, but sill very good friends.  I recently had a friend-breakup with a girl that always thought would be my MOH.  However relationships and people change. 

Your FI is th emost important person in the world right now?  Right?  As long as he is there, and you get to marry him…..nothing else matters.

*Hug*

Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Aw hun, there’s plenty of threads on here with the exact same or similar, so you’re definitely not alone! I can also relate because I moved recently and I’ve also found it challenging to make friends again. I think it’s easier for guys because they’re not as emotional, so it makes it easier when someone’s relaxed to how much contact u have (e.g. SO has one friend he’s had for 10 years, he hasn’t seen him at all in 4-Odd years, but he still considers him a close friend and this guy’s making the time to come to our wedding!)

 

I’ve found the best way is meeting people though common interests (e.g. Sports classes), and I have one from work too (work is also a good place but, again, it depends how much contact you have with people and who those people are.) I also think social media gives us a skewed view of how many “Friends” people have: i.e noone has 500 friends, and I even read an interview with Brad Pitt last week where even HE said he only has a handful of friends! So that should definitely make you feel better! 😀

 

Post # 6
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Jennybenny16:  This might sound crazypants to you, but have you ever heard of meetup.com? You can search meetups by interests and location. I know meeting up with strangers from the internet is not everyones cup of tea, and frankly I had my own reservations at first. But I did meet a few great friends at meetups, and while I haven’t been to one in over a year I still keep up with those friends on a regular basis. The best thing is you know if you’re going to a sci fi meetup or a craft club or whatever it’s easy to strike up a conversation with others because you already know they have the same interests. 

 

I’m socially anxious and socially awkward lol, and it is harder making friends as an adult than it is wen you’re younger. I’ve also lived in 3 different states since college and it gets frustrating to start over every time I move. But I do force myself to put myself out there even when I don’t feel like it and I always end up making friends. Even if you don’t go to meetups, just getting outside and doing stuff on your own can boost your confidence. Go do stuff you like to do, there’s probably other people that like doing that stuff too, and then you can do stuff together 🙂  

Post # 7
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*hugs* I know how you feel.  I don’t have many close friends at all.  I have known my BFF since I was in third grade.  I keep in touch occasionally with a couple friends from high school and a couple from college.  When I moved and started grad school, I was hoping that I would make lots of friends through the program.  But people are who they are, you know? I’m not someone who gets close with lots of people.  I have tons of acquaintences who I respect and enjoy talking to from grad school, but only one person with whom I now stay in contact.  My closest friend here is my neighbor, which is ironic because the only reason I made any friends in college was because of my roommate!  Its hard, and it takes time.  Do you work or go to school? Do you have any hobbies?

Post # 8
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

If I’m totally honest, I’m the same. I had 4 SBFs (super best friends) in school, 2 in University and 1 abroad in the last place I lived but right now I feel I’ve drifted from them.. I’m inviting 3 of them to my wedding but I wouldn’t feel I’d want them in my bridal party anymore (I’m not having a bridal party anyway).

All I can say is people grow and change in life and friends come and go. It’s wonderful that you have your family to be there with you; I’m an only child and not so close to my family..

I don’t feel particularly sad though as I’m looking forward to joining FI’s large family and getting close to my FSILs and starting my own family with FI and I’ll be changing jobs soon so perhaps I can make friends then.

Post # 9
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@funkybutton:  +1 for meetup.com…and it’s free to join.

 

I host a group and have made a lot of friends, some have become best friends (spend holidays together type).

 

Post # 10
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

My fiance has SO MANY friends, it’s ridiculous and makes me feel sometimes like I am a loser! If he goes out with them on a Fri/Sat, I often stay at home alone with nothing to do! I have 3 really good girl friends – but they all live about an hour away from me so it makes plans difficult sometimes (like if I want a shopping buddy on a Sunday). I also had a “best friend” that I decided to stop speaking to and spending time with due to her lack of support when another friend passed away suddenly last yr. 

I joined “meetup.com” and have attended one meetup, which was kind of fun. I really just need to start going to more ~ but I have been so busy with starting wedding planning! I was really nervous at first, it felt like I was going on a first date! Just put yourself out there… join a gym and go to an exercise class – volunteer somewhere – or like previous people and I said, join meetup.com! 

Where are you located? If youre in NJ.. I’ll be your friend! 🙂 LOL

Post # 11
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@weatherbug:  My fiance has SO MANY friends, it’s ridiculous and makes me feel sometimes like I am a loser!

Same here. We had to make a rule for inviting friends–you must talk to them regularly and MUST have seen them, purposely, within the last 6 months. Had we not had that in place, he would have had 20 groomsmen and doubled our guest list. I struggled to find 5 people to stand for me (and one of them had to drop out). I’ve always struggled with friends, unfortunately. I’d make friends in school and then they’d find someone else. I had a different best friend basically every year of grade school. I’ve had a LOT of friends stab me in the back, even in our 20s. It’s gotten pretty old, tbh.

Post # 12
Member
8475 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS*  It’s normal to feel lonely, especially during transitionary phases of life (getting married, new career path, moving, etc) because your peer group shifts.  You just have to give yourself a little time to settle into this new phase of life.  That’s why having a supportive, loving family is so great.

Post # 13
Member
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

what do you like to do?  do you like running? join a running club. what about a women’s group? a book club? a volunteers organization.

there are many ways to meet people.  always be friendly, smile, and say hello.

i’m sorry you are feeling lonely.

like you, my FI has a tons of life long friends.

i have a small group of friends that i have know for the past 10 years.  i am not friends with anyone really from high school or college,  i chat occassionally with some on FB but none are invited to my wedding.

i say quality over quantity.

 

Post # 14
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@vorpalette:  My FI is going to have 11 groomsmen, AND that was a cut down number. I am hoping he will choose 7 to stand at the altar with us and have the rest as “ushers” .  I have 7 bridesmaids (my sister, 3 friends, FI’s Sister and his two cousins who are great). He put all these random ppl on our guest list that I’ve never even heard of before -they are definitely getting the cut once we start doing STD’s and invites. I made the rule, if you havent talked to them in a year, theyre not coming, especially if I’ve never met them (obviously some exceptions here, like a really good friend in Florida that I’ve never met).

Post # 16
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can completely relate. You know what, you don’t even have to have a bridal party. I am not. It is just going to be me and the groom up at the alter. I am having a small, intimate wedding, with just a couple of friends and the rest family. I too have had difficulty finding and keeping friends. Genuine people are hard to come by these days. It has gotten me down so much and so often, and I just told myself in the end to just not let it get to me anymore. I only have one friend that I can confide in, and even she has hurt me and doesn’t seem to care sometimes. I sometimes wish to start over in a new city or something and meet new people because where I am now, I don’t have many people in my life. I think a lot of us are in the same shoes, and it actually didn’t even bother me not to have a wedding party. It’s just gonna be a simple, nice, intimate wedding. I hope that along the way in life you meet more (good) people and I hope I do too! HUGS

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