Post # 1
My husband quit cold turkey in April. I told him cold turkey was very hard to do and he insisted it was easy, even though he failed at it before. Well, with support and encouragement from me, he seemed to have actually done it, and I was a very proud wife.
He’s starting to slip, though. He told me last month he smoked a cigarette and then today before work he texted me “buy me some cigarettes.” as a joke. I came into work and we had this conversation:
me: are you smoking?
me: are you smoking?
him: am I smoking?
me: Are you going to smoke?
him: mm…I might, later.
I just walked away. And I know I’m overreacting but my honest, knee-jerk response was to feel betrayed. I’d rather he had never quit than to quit and start again. He smoked when we dated and I just accepted it as part of him because I didn’t figure he would quit. But when he did, and I saw that he could do it, I feel like I raised my expectations of him so his starting up again after 7 whole months is a slap in the face and like he’s saying “I’ve proven that I can give up cigs, but I’m not going to. I care more about smoking than about living a long, happy life with you”. We already had this conversation last time when he told me he smoked a cigarette and he said “how can I care more about a cigarette than you?” – I said “I don’t know, but it seems that way”
And I don’t mean to make it all about me. I know nicotine addiction is a really hard thing to overcome and logically I know his craving is normal and not about me. It’s just still fresh in my mind so I’m still calming myself out of my emotional feelings so I can tackle this issue with a clear, non-biased head.
And I’m trying to figure out what it is I’m supposed to do now. Being mad and hostile at him definitely won’t help, but I don’t know if I have a right to even be a little upset or concerned with him. Or if I’m supposed to drop it and turn a blind eye so he can make his own adult decisions to start or stop smoking.
Post # 3
@harleyq: I think alot of people slip up, but that doesn’t mean he has given up trying to quit altogether. I think all you can do is be supportive and say “I was really proud of you when you quit and it makes me sad that you started again. I hope you will try again soon.”
Post # 4
Ugh, I’m sorry. :/ Cigs really do suck. They’re gross and just… ick.
And I’m sure he’s more than aware of all the awful health concerns, too. Hang in there, maybe he’ll get back on the wagon.
Post # 5
@Treeline: agree 100%
I personally wouldn’t be able to handle it if my DH smoked..It’s so nasty and filthy! Ugh. The smell is thick, most smokers teeth are yellow and dingy, AND their nails looks yellow and brittle. Not to mention the horrible health habits. Maybe give him this little stocking stuffer if he insists on smoking:
Post # 6
@PinkMermaid: Lol, perfect ashtray, I love it!
I just remembered that before I walked away today, I threatened to go get something pierced if he started smoking again lol. I like piercings but other than my lobes and industrial, I don’t have any more because he absolutely hates them – doesn’t even like the idea of me getting second holes in my lobes.
Thanks for the supporting words, ladies. I don’t think he actually smoked today; I think he was just going through a rough patch. Later on though, I will probably apologize if I seemed short with him and explain that I felt sad about the possibility of him smoking after he had done so amazing since April, like Treeline suggested
Post # 7
@harleyq: Oh this is so sad! My Dad is a smoker and he would give it up sporadically and get our hopes all high and then he’ll slip right back into it. It makes us all so mad! He has the body of a 70 year old (he’s 61) and suffers from all these ailments and the docs have asked him repeatedly not to smoke but he just turns a deaf ear to everything. It’s not that he doesn’t care about us, but I guess giving up an addiction is very hard for some people.