- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
This is my first post, but it will be a long one. I was a somewhat reluctant bride at first. Not because I didn’t want to get married – but, because I really didn’t want a wedding. But, my fiance did and after talking about it w/ him and w/ my parents I got excited pretty easily. My first venue choice was found right away. I knew as soon as I saw it that it was what I wanted! I took my fiance there and he didn’t like it at all. He felt uncomfortable about several aspects of the venue and I respected his opinions – but still, it was a huge disappointment. So, I started the LONG search for our venue.
In the meantime I entered us into an $8000 wedding contest (“Best Couple Ever” contest put on locally). We won! The grand-prize was a custom made gown and tux. Wow! We were so excited… until the tailor closed her shop without giving any notice! I had friended her on FB after the contest so I emailed her there (when I saw posts about “good luck” and so forth) and she gave us the run around for a few weeks (saying she would still make the wedding wear) and then totally flaked out on us (this, by the way, was a woman who had been in business in the area for over 25 years!!). She did send me a $500 check as a “buy-out”. That was fine, and I decided not to push it because she claimed she was retiring due to illness. Nevertheless, I had a few months that I *believed* I would have custom wedding gown. I told everyone about it and was really excited. So, let down #2 with the planning.
We finally picked a date – March 23, 2013. But, when we announced it to my FMIL she had a problem with it! She said she was having knee surgery around that time (a year later?). My fiance’s sister and my mother said “don’t change your date!”. But, I was trying to be accomodating so I went ahead with the date change. I didn’t want to start my marriage with a bad relationship with my MIL. Though I did feel that it was totally unfair of her to ask. Also, we are not getting ANY financial support from fiance’s family. On top of that, I am a professor and that date was perfect because it was over spring break… so, I had to push the wedding forward until May (the end of the semester). Thus, my #3 upset.
Now, let me mention that all of my planning has been done alone or with my fiance (or over the phone with my mom) because my entire family and all my bridesmaids (except for fiance’s sister) live out of state. So, the level of intimacy in planning that I would have loved isn’t here. However, I have since found a wonderful venue and a beautiful gown. Now, the other thing I should mention is that I am 33 – I have waited a long time to start my life. I was a graduate student for many years and put a lot of things on hold to complete my education. During all of those years I have watched and supported my friends and family as they got married and started families. This has meant lots of out of state traveling and many bridesmaid dresses of my own (last year we had 4 out of state weddings to travel to). The more I planned the wedding the more excited I became to have the people I love here (in my state) to celebrate our marriage and see our home and be with us.
Well, a few weeks ago one of my bridesmaids (SIL) announced that she is pregnant. She will be due late June (about 6 weeks after my wedding). I was really excited. She sent me an email saying she understands if I don’t want her in the wedding any longer and I thought it was CRAZY to get that email. I told her that I am so excited to have my niece/nephew in the wedding too and that I can’t wait to show him/her wedding pictures in the future and say “look, there you are in the wedding!” 🙂
Now, my SIL lives 1200 miles away, so by the time of the wedding they will be driving here instead of flying. I will admit that I was a little sad that I wouldn’t get to have a few glasses of wine with my SIL because she really is so much fun.
Other than that I have been so excited about becoming an aunt. However, today another BM called and told me she is due 2 months after the wedding. Believe me, I am happy for her. I love her! It was only 7 months ago that I flew up to be in her wedding and I was honored to be a part of it. But – and here is where the guilt comes in – I am also feeling sad. I don’t know if it is a sadness for growing up… one of my oldest and closest friends is becoming a mom and sometimes change is scary (happy and exciting, but scary too). It is hard to let go of the crazy, wild, nutty rebel friend! Or maybe it’s because I found BM dresses that I adore and now I am probably going to have to change them too. Or maybe it is because I am worried that she won’t be able to party with me. Since everyone is so far away I was really looking forward to partying with my girls during the week leading up to the wedding. We were even planning (with one other BM) a weekend trip to our favorite city in April. Or maybe I am worried that she won’t be able to make it (she lives nearly 1000 miles away). Also, she had some lady trouble a few years ago and it was pretty bad. So, I worry that she will be put on bed rest. I feel so guilty that I am having all of these thoughts – but, I can honestly say that my heart would be broken if I didn’t have her standing by my side at the wedding!
I’ve worked so hard over the last year to get this wedding together and so many things have changed and I dealt with them fine. But, just today I feel so overwhelmed. I am sure the shock will wear off in the next couple of days and I will focus on my excitement for my lovely friend.
In the meantime, I am angry at myself for changing my date (because having the wedding almost 2 months earlier would have made traveling and dress fitting easier on my pregnant BMs. I have been so accomodating and now I’m tired and feeling emotional 🙁
Am I feeling totally irrational right now? Please be gentle… I am already near tears!