- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Just got back from my first round of wedding dress shopping. I didn’t find the one yet, but I was able to norrow it down to the styles that really worked for me and my body, so YAY.
But it was when I was trying on my grandmother’s favorite, a big poufy ballgown, that it hit me. My father won’t be walking me down the aisle. I mean I never really thought he would as I haven’t seen him since I was a toddler and he’s been in and out of jail & drug rehab et cetera, but it was still like a punch to the gut.
I managed to make it to the dressing room before I completely broke down and basically sobbed for the next 20 or so minutes. It wasn’t until today that I realized I really, REALLY hoped my father would step up and be the kind of father I deserved. I want that father daughter relationship so badly and it really, REALLY sucks that I will probably never get it. And I know he doesn’t deserve to just walk back into my life after 25+ years. Not after the way he repeatedly chose drugs & partying over me & my mom.
I’ve always known my mom would walk me down the aisle as she really deserves it, but that tiny little bit of a traditional bride came out today while shopping. I’m so scared that the fact that I don’t have a father figure around will linger on in the back of my mind for the next 15 months and I don’t want to dwell on it. I want to focus on wedding planning and on how much I love my FI.
Surely I can’t be the only bride without a father in the picture?