Post # 1
This week has just been very emotional for me.
I’ve been very sick with kidney stones for the past month, and even painkillers don’t seem to help much. Finally my body is trying to pass ONE of the stones, and it has been excruciating. I feel like someone punted me in the vagina. Going to work, dealing with my summer classes have been rough, but that’s not what is stressing me out.
Some of you read my thread about me being a bridesmaid for a bride that wants us to be ugly. The wedding is Sunday, and I feel nauseous because after they broke up and got back together recently (he couldn’t deal with her controlling personality but felt guilty about the money spent on the wedding), I have serious doubts about having a clear conscious standing next to her in support, especially after how terrible she’s treated me over the course of her wedding planning because I’m not engaged yet.
As much as I shouldn’t be, I just feel jealous/angry that she is getting married on Sunday. I know, her marriage is doomed and I shouldn’t feel jealous of that, but I do because it feels unfair. Life is unfair, but tonight I’m feeling really sensitive to it. I feel angry at her because she’s a mean person and hurting a nice guy and nice people and having a nice wedding.
My good friend got engaged this past week and I’m SO happy for her, but I’m feeling that twinge of jealousy, but not angry because she’s so kind.
I’m getting engaged very soon myself, and I’m NOT angry at my SO in any way, so I’m not sure why I feel so sad. I think it’s because I feel so sick and I’m hurting terribly. He’s taking me up to where the wedding is early so we can spend the whole weekend together alone before the wedding, so I’m thankful for his love and kindness. I know soon it will be my time and it will be special.
I don’t know, I just wanted to vent a little. I can’t wait to feel better because I’ve felt so sad on some days because of the pain.
Love you guys. <3
Post # 4
@Torrid: Well, I’m sorry you’re having the kidney stone issue. That certainly can’t be making things better for you.
I think your post is very telling not of your “jealousy,” so much as the type of “friendship” you have with this girl. Is she always like this? Is she showing her true colors now? If she’s treating you horribly, I think you have some evaluating to do on whether you want to remain friends with her. There are probably some deeper core issues at the heart of the matter that go beyond your (what you call) jealousy.
If she’s genuinely mistreating everyone around her, including her FI, that’s probably why you feel this way. Your subconscious is telling you she’s bad news all around, and to get away from it.
Maybe it’s time to drift away from her?
Post # 5
@StuporDuck: We’ve been friends since high school, and she once told me a long time ago and that she was actually jealous of ME. I thought this was odd, because I just never considered me to be someone that people needed to be jealous of. Not that I feel that I’m not pretty or successful, because I feel very confident in my abilities as I’ve grown older, but it just never occurred to me.
But as I got to know her better, it became obvious that she wanted to be more of a rivalry than friends, although she never said this to my face, but acted in this way. If we hung out (which we never became extremely close, especially because we went to different colleges), she would ask me beforehand what color I was wearing so she could wear the same color. If me and my boyfriend at the time broke up, she would be happy about it because her relationship “won” because it lasted longer. You see where I’m going with this?
So I did distance myself for a long time. I continued living my life and was very successful academically, atheletically, in my career, etc. Then I thought I was going to be engaged, but it fell through…and right after, she got engaged. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, much to my surprise. Since we hadn’t talked in a while, I thought maybe we had matured and things would be different.
But as things went on with the wedding, it became obvious that she was pleased as punch that my previous almost engagement fell through and she is marrying this guy so she can “win.” I regretted becoming a bridesmaid, and I resent her. Her planning period was so short.
After this wedding, I am done. These childish games are tiring. I am at my wit’s end and people don’t change. She’s moving away.
Have you ever had a friend like this?
Post # 6
@Torrid: I have a sister like this. 🙂 I am stuck with her.
Post # 7
Just wanting to send this:
Post # 8
for the record WB, she isn’t talking about MY wedding!!! 🙂 lol
I know that feeling you are having. Life is seriously kicking you in the balls and when you are down, it is currently kicking you some more.
“Friend” (I will type that loosely) issues
Not engaged yet.
have to attend another wedding.
Wedding sounds like a horror show.
Stress in general.
Maybe your SO will propose this weekend…who knows? I know every wedding I attended as a single or un-engaged chick was tough. I would get in little moods and honestly, it is best to give yourself a half hour to feel like crap, then write out al lthe awesome things you have in your life and know that you are so strong and wil lget through this-piece of cake.
Post # 9
*sings* Frie-na-mies! They stab you in the ba-ah-ack!! With friends like her…, right?
OMG she wants you to look ugly? why are you still doing this? Bow Out. Say, “You a bitch, and you can suck it”. and tell her where to shove her ugly dress and her ugly attitude! lol. I think people who treat others meanly deserve what they get.
Post # 10
Feel better Torrid! You can get through it 🙂
Post # 11
I agree with Sapphire-Dreamer. I would go to her house and dropp off the outfit and tell her that you don’t feel right about being a part of her wedding and leave.
I was a bridesmaid once and I spend 2,000$ on the whole thing! And I wasn’t even the maid of honor! The dress that I’ll never wear again cust me alone 400$. The batchlorette that only 2 other girls showed up to cust me quite a bit too. By the end of it all I wanted to cry, not only about the fact that she was gettign married before me, but the money I spent was ridiculous cuz she wanted to have evrything perfect and expensiver. However I knew that her and her FI were together for a long time and that the marriage will last forever and that was the only reason why i did it. If her story was something like your friends, I would have definitelly not be a part of it.
Post # 12
@Torrid: *hugs* I think you nailed it… you’re just having a bad go of things because you’re feeling sick.
I hope you get better soon!
On the bright side, soon the wedding will be over and you can move on. That will be a big relief!
I understand the jealousy thing, sometimes I have my bad days myself. That’s perfectly normal.
Post # 13
I can’t even imagine the pain of kidney stones. For what’s it worth,I don’t think your sadness stems from jealousy. I think you have a lot going on emotionally, between your health, and as sapphire-dreamer honestly stated, your frenemy. I’d be a heaping,crying mess if that was me.
At this point, whether you want to be a part of her day or not is still an option. On one hand you’ve endured (what seems like) the hell leading up to the wedding, this being the last obstacle. However, you also mentioned that you can’t stand next to her with a clear conscience. Totally understandable. If you want to bow out, I’d suggest telling a white lie (kidney stones are really bothering you, dr told you to stay off your feet/consume lots of liquid and sticking near a bathroom…something like that. Obviously you know a good reason related to that.) she may after that be annoyed and stop talking to you -problem solved! If not, you stop talking and don’t ask her to be part of your day, she’ll get the hint. That’s my suggestion bc I would be likely to do that. If I didn’t want to be friends than I wouldn’t go through the trouble of telling her off. I’m passive-aggressive sometimes.
Goodluck with whatever you choose. And remember to do what is best for you!
Post # 14
Thank you guys for all of your comments; they help me keep things in perspective.
Normally I’m not a very emotional person, but feeling so physically ill just makes me so weepy lately, and I think it’s been making issues worse for me. :/
I do think that once this wedding is over and she moves away, a big chunk of the stress will be gone, sickness or not. *deep breath* I can get through this weekend. I have SO with me, and he’s been making sure I’m really comfortable when we’re together.
Thanks again <3
Edit: I’m going to go through with it since it is so close, but after that…I’m not going anywhere near the place she’s moving. I might “accidentally” delete her from FB…slash her tires…I mean…oops…never see her again.