Weddingbee boards

So the situation is this: We've invited a guy to the wedding, let's call him Pete.  Pete is notoriously bad at RSVPing.  He failed to RSVP to two separate colleagues' weddings this past year, and only gave them his answer when they confronted him in person after ignoring numerous emails, phone calls, etc.  Unfortunately we never see him in person.

Our RSVP deadline was the 20th.  Since then, Pete has ignored an email from me and an email from FI.  Fi intends to call him tomorrow and Thursday to try to get his answer.  I fully expect him to ignore both calls. (If you can't tell, I REALLY dislike this guy, he was only invited for the sake of keeping the peace in our group of friends.) 

Our tentative meal choice count is due on the 30th, and our hard and fast fixed numbers are due on the 14th.  We intend to email or call him every other day until we get an answer.  If we haven't heard from him by the 12th (over 3 weeks past the deadline) would it be totally out of line to post something publicly on his facebook wall?  I usually hate facebook drama, but this guy needs some public shaming imho!

I'm thinking of writing something like "Pete, you have ignored #X emails from us and #Y phone calls.  Your RSVP was due over 3 weeks ago.  We are giving our final numbers to our caterers TOMORROW.  If we do not hear from you by 3pm, we will have to assume you are not coming and tell the caterer we won't need a meal for you.  Please let us know if you intend to come or not."

I know it's evil, I know it creates unnecessary drama.  Please someone talk me out of it!  I'm just so frustrated because we really can't guess whether this guy will come or not.  I didn't even want to invite him in the first place, and I absolutely don't want to get roped into paying for his meal only to have him not show up...

@Saeliz: haha, I know I would regret it... but it would be so satisfying in the moment!

@bride2bejc: Wow, pulling out the big guns!  Having him show up and not have a meal or a chair would induce way more public shame than a facebook posting.  But I am worried about drama on the wedding day.

Realistically I probably won't do anything public about this, but it's pretty fun to make out these plots anyway ;)

It seems odd to invite someone to your wedding that you *never* see in person, although I do understand about keeping the peace in a social circle. I would probably not call/email every 2 days, because it sounds like a waste of time. He knows you're waiting. I'd leave it until the last minute, call one more time, say if we don't hear from you by 3pm tomorrow we will assume you're not coming. He clearly doesn't care so I wouldn't waste too much time or effort on him to be honest!

I just think that is ALOT of effort to go through for one person. I would just assume he isn't coming.

Thanks everyone.  I promise, I'm not actually going to do it, this post was mostly meant as a joke with a little bit of self indulgent fantasy mixed in ;)  Maybe I should have put "vent" in the title.  It just drives me nuts that he can act like a jerk to everyone he knows, and people will just laugh it off and say "oh, that's just Pete for ya!" Well Pete can go suck an egg!

@mountain.bride: We know each other through a school system, so we do see him quite often during the year, just not over the summer.   You're probably right about not contacting him that much though.  Frankly I'm ready to hand the whole situation over to my FI because they have known each other longer.

So, no, I won't be stooping to that level.  But now and then everyone likes to imagine what they would say to certain people if there were no consequences, right? :)

I am kinda sorta on your side...as in that is something I would absolutely want to do, but I probably wouldn't.  If you have not heard of him by then, you don't count him as coming.  If he shows up, you get someone to let him know there is not space for him, as he did not respond to you in time to order his meal.  Too bad for him for being so lazy that he cannot check a box or pick up his phone.

hahaha @ suck an egg lol

@spaganya:  Hahaha....that is cheeky!  I like it :)

I'm with bride2bejc on this one. Just leave him a message (phone/email) stating that since you have not recieved his reply and has not returned your phone calls, you are assuming that he is not able to attend your wedding & reception and leave it at that. There is an RSVP date for a reason and he already surpassed that.

Honestly, he'd get one phone call from me and I would say, "I need to know if you are intending on coming to our wedding so I can inform the caterer of your meal choice.  If I do not hear back from you in the next 24 hours, I will assume that to be a NO.  Hope you're enjoying your summer!"

Simple, sweet and a quick solution.  It doesn't sound like you want him there, anyway, so if he doesn't call back - no biggie!

Agree with everyone that I would not order a meal or a chair for him.  Give him a message letting him know that you're assuming he's not coming.  And don't back down.  But be sweet.  The asshole.

Tempting ... but no.

I would leave one last "I guess we can assume you're not coming" type message and leave it at that.  If he shows, it's his fault. 

I would like to think I am not an evil person... but man I would be SO tempted... I wouldn't facebook shame him, speaking from an unbiased opinion.

It my philosophy that you should avoid things you would possibly regret when it comes to your wedding, you only get to do it once, you want it to be "right" even if it isn't perfect.

I would leave a voicemail saying exactly what you would have written, or spoken even a little softer, or have your FI leave that voicemail if he is closer to him -- its sad but a man being tough is a good thing, a woman being tough is so often called "b!$^*y" or bridezilla. Don't ruin your good reputation because he is inconsiderate.