Post # 1
Last night my SO’s brother got married. We’ve been together for 6 and a half years and we are in our early & mid twenties. Everyone at the wedding kept joking “we’re next.” It makes me so angry to see other people who have been together half that amount of time who are getting married and seem so happy together. I am turning into a crazy bitter woman. I have previously asked SO NUMEROUS times about when we will get married and he has said “soon after we start living together.” We recently moved in together but I have no idea when he will propose. I can’t even bring it up anymore because it will cause a huge argument due to the insane amount of times I have already brought it up. At times I tell myself I don’t even care anymore because 6 years later, what difference does it make it we are married or not. Then at other times I say to myself “how can this man not have proposed yet? Does he not care enough about me to want to marry me?”
I am ready to give up…. Please give me some advice….
Post # 3
@Stranger516: I am also having a day like that and I totally understand how hard it is!
heres my advice – don’t compare your relationship to others!!! Everyone’s journey is different and not always what we think it is from the outside either
if you have a man who truly loves you and you feel confident he wants this too take a deep breath, give him a big kiss and thank your lucky stars you’ve found a partner in life
Its so hard but our time will come xxx
Post # 4
@Stranger516: My anger comes it waves sometimes I am ok with waiting others…ugh… have you considered an untimatum or have you looked into the shut it up pack?
Post # 5
You probably don’t realize it (because right now you’re the oldest you have ever been) but mid and early twenties is very young and often men in their early-mid twenties just aren’t ready.
I don’t blame him for wanting to wait and see how living together goes but I can see your frustration – hang in there. I get where you’re coming from.
Post # 6
My advice? Go back and read the identical thread you started a couple of weeks ago. You got some great opinions and advice there. Then, bring up a timeline conversation with your BF in a calm, rational way and really listen to what he says. If it starts a fight or he refuses to answer you, rethink the relationship. If he has a reasonable answer (which may include for him that you’re both young and he just wants to wait) just enjoy living together for a little while first, that’s exciting too!
Post # 7
If you really want to get married, I don’t think it’s a good idea to move in with your boyfriend. I know everyone does it, but I think it makes it much more emotionally difficult to separate if marriage doesn’t happen. I didn’t live with my fiancee before I got engaged and I am glad I didn’t. I never “waited”; I didn’t know there was such a thing. However, at the beginning of the relationship (before I’d fallen in love), I told him that living together before marriage wasn’t for me as I consider it be like playing house and a waste of time. The truth is a man *will* chase you and beg you to marry him if the relationship is right. There’s never any need to ask a man to propose. He will do it he wants to, and if he doesn’t he will be setting you free to find someone who is crazy about you. I know that’s hard to hear, but the truth is you deserve to have a man beg YOU to marry him.
Of course, in this case, it may simply be the fact that you are quite young so I’m sure that’s playing a part.
Post # 8
@carolinabelle: I really want to talk to him again about an actual timeline because I am sick of being given the run around about “after we live together” BS. I am just so afraid it will blow up into a massive argument again which will in turn just stall him even more…. at this point I don’t even know how to go about starting a conversation about a timeline. I don’t know how to ask “calmly or nicely.”
Post # 9
My DH was 26 before he even BEGAN to START thinking about marriage!
I woud find a hobby, and enjoy it while your BF reaches that “ready for forever” point!
Post # 10
Omg. Hi me! No, seriously, I was in this exact scenario last November. Six year anniversary, living together for a couple of months, at SO’s twin brother’s wedding.
I definitely had a moment of “well, if SO’s twin is okay with getting married at 24, why isn’t SO? We’ve been together for years longer than them. Is it something wrong with me?”
I had to step back and look at the reality of our situation – SO’s twin had been living with his now wife for two years, while we had only just moved in together. She was 27 turning 28, while at the time, I was barely 23. Completely different situations.
What I am trying to do is focus on the positives in our relationship. Living together has been a blast, and our relationship is so much stronger. I’d suggest completely dropping the idea of getting married until you’ve been living together for a year. Then open a bottle of wine, have a nice dinner, and say “wow, we’ve made it a year living together! What’s next?” At our age, there is no rush – it’s much more important to be comfortable and have fun.
Another alternative is to set other goals that don’t involve marriage, but still feel significant. Have you thought about a pet? A big holiday? A significant project/hobby/returning to study? Find something else to ‘aim’ towards that you have more control over, and you won’t feel like you’re wasting your years together.
And when it does happen, you won’t look back and see yourself as a bitter lady waiting for years. You’ll see it as that exciting time where you moved in together, bought all your own furniture, got your first dog/cat/rabbit, finished your degree, and went to Europe etc. 🙂
Post # 11
I felt similar to you. FI proposed on our 6th anniversary after 4 years of living together. There were many times I felt frustrated! I was a “waiting bee” on this site for 1 year before he proposed and have made threads about it.
Anyways, we’re both mid 20’s and FI wanted to wait until he knew we could afford a nice ring that I would love and the wedding we want. Although during the waiting period, I didn’t know how he truly felt. Looking back, I totally understand why he waited and kind of feel bad for nagging so much.
Post # 12
You are in your early/mid 20s — don’t stress about this. Your SO clearly isn’t ready to get married, and pressuring him is not going to do anything to help the situation. Moving in together is a monumental step. I recommend sitting back and enjoying this new phase of your life, rather than hounding him for an engagement ring.
Post # 13
Have you thought of proposing?