Post # 1
So a good friend of mine is getting married on Saturday in a different province. I can’t go to the wedding and I told her I can’t go – reason being that my Grandfather’s 99th birthday is monday and my mom and sister are flying in and we’re throwing him a party. I feel really guilty for a) missing the wedding b) implying that the birthday was more important c) being excited for the weekend when I’m missing her wedding.
I have bought them a gift that I’m going to express post to her this week so they’ll get it thursday or friday.
Am I crazy for feeling bad?
Post # 3
@MsGinkgo: A 99th birthday is literally a once-in-a-lifetime event. A wedding is MAYBE not. So I think your choice is objectively fine. Subjectively, I think it’s fine as well — 99!!!! That’s awesome!!!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I would not feel guilty for a 99th birthday! Maybe if it was a 70th or something, but 99 is something significant. So is next year’s birthday. 🙂 May he live many, many more! Congrats to him!
Post # 5
@peachacid: Yeah, and we weren’t sure he was going to get here – he had a stroke in the spring. He’s done amazingly well. I can’t miss his birthday, he’d be crushed.
Post # 6
Don’t feel guilty! I bet your friend understands. Can you two go out to lunch soon and look at wedding pictures and talk about her day?
Post # 7
@MsGinkgo: I wouldn’t feel too bad. You will get to see pics and all that good stuff. Yeah, it sucks missing a wedding, but a 99th birthday is absolutely amazing and something not a lot of people get to celebrate. Enjoy the day 🙂
Post # 8
@MsGinkgo: I wouldn’t worry about it. You have a very valid reason. Also, you took the time to get and ship a gift, which is an added bonus for the couple. I’m assuming you said no before her RSVP deadline so you are not causing her any “final numbers” headaches.
Post # 9
@mepayne: I probably won’t see her again until she’s here for my wedding (assuming she can make it)
@MrsNewDay: I told her I probably wouldn’t be able to make it before I even recieved the invite, as soon as she told me the date I let her know. I also told her in person when I was home 6 weeks ago for another wedding. She was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to make it as her wedding is so close to another mutual friends – she knew that several of us wouldn’t be able to make both trips (and we’d known about friend 1’s wedding for 18 months) this wedding is a 6 month engagement.
Post # 10
@MsGinkgo: I would choose family over friends every single time. It’s not like you aren’t going because you decided you’d rather rent a movie and eat a pizza. You’re legitimately busy and have no reason to feel badly about that.
You’re still sending a gift and being a good friend – don’t feel bad.
Post # 11
@MsGinkgo: Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t worry then. We had a short engagement too, and I’ve had a few friends not be able to make it due to that + our weddign being awkwardly close to the holiday season, and there are no hard feelings.
Post # 12
Family always comes first when I set priorities. If this birthday turns out to be your grandfather’s last, you may regret not going the rest of your life (although I hope he has many, many wonderful years ahead of him).
Post # 13
@MsGinkgo: It’s ok to feel bad about it, but as a good friend I’m sure she’ll understand that you have family obligations as well.
Post # 14
Try to not feel too guilty. Weddings are once in a life time event (mostly), but so is a 99 bday party for your grandfather. I think that family has to trump friendships in cases like this.
Post # 15
Really it doesn’t matter what the occasion; if you’re already obligated for that day, an understanding friend would not take offense over your missing their wedding. They would likely be disappointed or sad, of course, but not offended. You’ve bought a gift; perhaps find an occasion when you can travel to that other province and celebrate with the couple after the fact. Don’t feel guilty because life is full of occasions where you’d wish you could be in two places at once; you just have to pick one and do the best that you can.
Post # 16
He’s going to be 99 years old; that’s a pretty big deal.
I understand why you feel guilty, BibbleSkip, but this is a perfectly valid reason to skip the wedding. There’s no need to feel guilty, especially if you told her a while ago. She’ll be just fine on her wedding day.