Post # 1
I’m new here, so hopefully I’m posting this in the right place. I live in a 3 bedroom duplex currently with one roommate, J. When we first moved in, we had another roommate, N. At the end of our first year living there, N told us she was moving out and in with her new boyfriend (that she knew about 3 weeks at this point). Now, that shocked us and threw us for a loop, because J and I already told the landlord that we would be living there for another year. So, J and I were stuck with that, and also with paying an extra $200/month each in rent, on top of more $$ for utilities (we didn’t want to find another roommate…we’ve known N for six years, so we trusted her and didn’t want a stranger). That made me a little upset, because at that point I had been with my boyfriend for three years and he asked me to move in, but I was now stuck in a lease and I wasn’t about to stick J with the remaining rent (like N had done to us), so I was just going to ride it out for another year.
Fast forward about 7 months. N and her boyfriend are still living together, but she’s a little upset because he told her he still doesn’t love her. I’m now engaged, and planning on moving out in July (when our lease is up). N told me that if her boyfriend doesn’t tell her he loves her by February, she is going to break up with him and move out and back into the duplex. I feel a little guilty, because if she did that and moved back in to the duplex, I could move out and into my fiance’s house earlier than I was expecting. J is making enough money now, so me moving out wouldn’t be any different since N would be moving back in. That would, of course, mean that N and her boyfriend’s relationship failed. Overall, I don’t think he is a good guy for her. He flirts anytime she’s away (she works two jobs, so she’s not home a lot), he’s hit on me a couple of times, so I really don’t think they’d work out long term anyway. But, do you think I’m selfish for kind of hoping that I get to move in with my fiancé earlier?
Post # 3
@MissB0727: I think you are not selfish for having these THOUGHTS, but rather human. We have all thought of scenarios that may benefit us, but in doing so, may set someone or something back. Obviously, you would want to move in with your FI faster. Obviously the quickest way for you to do that would be if your friend moved back into the duplex. Neither of this means you do not wish for happiness in your friend’s life!!
If you vocalized these thoughts to anyone, then you come across as selfish. Just keep it to yourself…always 🙂
Post # 4
Thank you. Yes, I obviously am not going to tell N these thoughts 🙂 I told my fiance about feeling a bit guilty, and he felt the same way, but also thinks that particular guy isn’t good for N. Time will tell, as always!
Post # 5
@MissB0727: I don’t think you are selfish. If N had told you before the signing of the lease that she was moving out then all three of you could have made different decisions that would benefitted you financially and personally. She is the selfish one for sticking you two with the lease.
And, the quicker her bad relationship fails the quicker she may be able to get into a good positive relationship.
Post # 6
Eh. Definitely don’t do anything to break them up, but every human being capable of logical thought can figure out when a particular situation would be conveninet for them – even if it’s at the expense of others. Don’t feel bad that you realize that, but don’t do anything to “help it along” because that would be a bit unethical.
Honestly though, it sounds like a guy is a jerk and doesn’t treat her well. Hopefully she continues to put the pieces together and moves out!
Post # 7
Of course I am NOT going to do anything to break them up! 🙂 When all’s said and done, N is still my friend, and it’s her life. It all boils down to…she’s an adult, and she can make her own decisions, and that also includes learning from her own mistakes. This is her first serious relationship, so I feel that she can learn a lot from it eventually.