- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
I’ve always intended to change my name upon marriage. It’s sort of silly, but my parents are divorced, but my mom never remarried and always kept my dad’s last name. She always said she wanted us to feel like a family, and I always thought that was SO sweet and special. (No offense to anyone who has a different last name than one of their parents, of course. I just thought it was a cute thing my mom did, not the right choice for everyone.)
Because of that, I’ve always just assumed I would change my name to have the same name as my future husband and future kids. Now that the time has come, I’m an academic who has published under my maiden name–in my field, it would be very odd for me to then publish under a different name. It happens, but it’s rare and kind of gossiped about, in my experience.
So my plan was to use my maiden name professionally, but change my name legally to First Maiden NewLastName.
Unfortunately that presents a TON of problems. At my university, you HAVE to go by your legal name, so in my immediate academic circle, I will always be appearing as my new last name on documents, online, in emails, etc, even though I won’t be introducing myself as that name or using it on any publications. My students would email me at NewLastName, but their syllabus will say my maiden name! And when I apply for jobs, my documents from my current university won’t match any of the documents I use to apply. Confusing much?!
And then I just found out that in New York, you have to request a legal name change if you want to change your middle name to your maiden name. This process is expensive and involved hearings and notaries and all kinds of other stuff.
Basically, this process would be much MUCH easier if I just kept my name the same, but I don’t WANT to! I feel so stupid and bratty for making this into such a big thing. I could save us a lot of money, and myself a lot of stress, but I have always wanted to change my name… I’m just venting I guess, but has anyone else felt guilty for WANTING to change their name? Or is this just me, lol?