Post # 1
We’re having a small, budget wedding – hope to spend no more than $5,000 total. We are planning to pay for it ourselves and without going into debt. Still, I feel guilty about plunking down thousands of dollars for one day.
Have you felt guilty about the money that’s being spent on your wedding?
Or, can you help me not feel guilty about it?
Post # 3
My mom does pretty well but I just caught wind of how much she’s spent on our 55 person wedding. 24K and I’m nearly sick to death over it. I felt guilty when I thought she was spending 10K but I just recently found out she pulled out all the stops on a few things.
I guess I’ll just have to make sure I buy her a car or something one day when the FI and I can afford it.
Post # 4
@skippydarling: Oh my goodness, I can see why you felt guilty. I felt super guilty when my mom paid my rent for two whole months while I was job searching. I pray I’ll never have to accept her immense generosity again. I am sure your mom is happy to do it though, especially since you said she made a few decision that were more expensive. I’m sure she’s really excited!
Post # 5
@MissPine: I’m not going to feel guilty because
(a) we won’t go to debt over it
(b) We both work hard and would be willing to pay for it all (but my parents insisted on paying)
(c) We are going to keep it under 10k
(d) Life is short. We spend forever “saving” for things and “waiting” for things and often those times never come. Life is about making yourself and others happy without. If you aren’t happy, what is the point? Life is too short to worry about being frugal all the time. I’m not saying always go all out, but why not one day? Since no-one will go into debt over it, why not? I’m always planning for tomorrow and saving, so not doing that for one day isn’t a huge deal to me. 🙂
Post # 6
@blueEyes90: I feel that way about half the time. The other half the time I think of the million other things that we could potentially spend the $ on. A partial downpayment for a home (which in reality, will take us forever to obtain…), an amazing trip, a fairly nice used car, etc.
I guess it’s hard because I’ve never spent that much money on anything in my life…
Post # 7
I feel guilty with a $5K budget too! We’re only having 30 people there! To me its about the marriage, not just the day. And for $5K I’d honestly rather go to Europe!
I talked my FI into postponing until we are more comfortable with the $$ aspect.
Post # 8
@MissPine: I feel guilty about it, and the fact that not only have I plunked down that much money, but so are my parents (and his, with the rehearsal dinner). I feel guilty for it all. But I also know that I’ve always wanted the bigger wedding with a certain level of styling that costs $$$ in the wedding industry. And I didn’t ask anyone for more than they offered to give. So I try not to beat myself up too much about it, because honestly, the day (and everything it represents) really does matter to me.
Post # 9
I have not even started planning and I feel guilty. My dad has offered to pay for our wedding and gave me a budget, around what he paid for my sister’s wedding 3 years ago. I am pretty sure I can do everything I want for half of the budget he gave me and I still feel guilty and keep wondering if we should just elope and have a nice honeymoin, spending a fraction of the budget.
Post # 10
I feel so guilty and we are at 6.5k with all deposits done and thats more than half off the budget we originally had. FI told me to stop running the numbers since we have a day we love planned. I hate to spend that amount on a single day but he compares it to the holiday dinners we do so it’s about the same cost food wise and I don’t have to be in the kitchen. I’ve seriously thought of cooking myself to save 2k but I’d stress too much
Post # 11
@waitingforthering2: I completely agree with avoiding the stress of cooking. My future in-laws cook really well and my FI mentioned the family preparing the food. I really don’t want any of our family/guests/wedding party to have to stress or lift a finger to prepare food, clean up, etc.
Post # 12
I feel bad about it occasionally, but at the same it’s a once in a lifetime thing and we’re not going into debt over it. If we couldn’t afford it then it would be different – we’d probably just elope!
Post # 13
Yes, incredibly guilty. What a waste of £££ (in our case)!
Post # 14
@MissPine: We don’t feel guilty because we earned it so we can use it how we see fit. We’re choosing to put together a lovely day with family and friends from all over to celebrate our love and commitment.
We won’t get into debt and we are going as simple as possible so I’m not going to stress about it and am choosing to be excited instead.
That said, it took me a few months to get to this zen state. That and a miserable 90 minutes at Nordstrom trying on dresses that I didn’t like.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
A wedding is a celebration of two families coming together, which includes adopted family members (aka close friends).
It IS ridiculous when vendors price anything that has the W-word with 30% mark-up or even more! Sometimes, I wish I could get away with getting quotes for a family reunion or anniversary dinner — then be like, surprise, wedding!
My mom offered to help out with part of the food costs for guests; I’m trying to get FI to discuss with his parents for his family/relatives for food. But I won’t feel guilty for the following reasons:
– My mom needs a happier occasion with family; she’s been waiting for this day for a very, very long time.
– The extra wedding-y things we are getting are mostly practical and can be re-used. Otherwise, it could be donated to the local thrift store to help other brides on a budget. Paying it forward, so to speak.
Post # 16
@habibti: Same for us ! We initially thought we were good to go with 3K. Ended up no caterer existed under 4K for 55 guests. Our budget is now 5K and we’ll probably blow it even if we’re going great extents not to spend too much and having drastic cuttings off our budget. So we decided to postpone. I can’t handle that kind of stress right now.