Post # 1
We have just come to the realization that our child probably has a form of an attention disorder. Most likely ADD. While I understand what it means, and know that she is a very smart child, I am feeling guilty that I didn’t know it sooner.
She often has problems remembering – I always figured she said that so she didn’t get in trouble for answering if I asked her to do something and she didn’t, or if I asked her how school was and if she got in trouble or if she had a good day and she said “I don’t know, I can’t remember”. To be fair to me, she has been known to stretch the truth (she’s 7 1/2) so I guess I just assumed she didn’t want to tell me or she was ‘fibbing’ about it.
Now that we’re aware, I think back on the times when she told me she was telling the truth and I thought she was full of it. I think back and I feel like the worst mother in the world, because she was trying to tell me it wasn’t her fault and I chalked it up to her being a 7 yr old who didn’t want to tell me the truth – because she often makes up stories.
I guess I’m posting this because I wonder if it’s normal to feel this shitty, to feel this guilty even though I know most of the signs in her aren’t THAT different than what most kids do. Anyone out there been through this feeling? I’m not sad because she may have a disorder, I’m sad to think of what she’s been going through and I didn’t know and didn’t help her.
Post # 3
First of all do not beat yourself up over the fact that your child had a disorder you did not know about. The good thing is that you did catch it at a young enough age to where it can benefit her. Talk to the doctors and the school and get a game plan in action. Again do not beat yourself up over this. You are doing the best that you can and you can’t change the past. Move forward from here and do the best you can for her.
Post # 4
Thank you – I know deep down these things, but it’s hard to stop how you feel…
Post # 5
First of all, stop beating yourself up over this. You would never have acted badly f you had any clue. No guidebooks with kids. I have an almost 16 yr old daughter and a 21 yr old son. My son had some undiagnosed “quirks” and parenting him was a challenge. I’m glad there was no diagnosis because that meant no labels either. He started displaying some odd behavior very young and I found out that he was also “highly gifted” (I know, it’s a label but I couldn’t avoid it because that was determined while trying to figure out the other things). As an infant he couldn’t stand bright lights, loud anything and many textures made him crazy. I never realized how difficult things could be with him until I had his sister nearly 6 years later and she didn’t have all those quirks.
You got your daughter’s problem figured out, and you’re dealing with it. You can always tell your daughter that you feel badly that you were wrong about things you said to her now that you understand why they happened. But now you need to move forward. I can tell you that no matter how devoted you are as a parent, there will be plenty of things you’ll feel guilty about so don’t take too much time fretting about each one. It’s also good for your daughter to know you’re not infallible and let her hear how you think things through. It will help her develop empathy. Good luck-you’ll be fine!
Post # 6
The more I have thought about it, the more I feel like the one thing that bothers me the most is knowing how she must have felt all this time. Alone. Like she didn’t work the way others do, and no one understood. How frustrated she must be, and how frustrated she has been. She said that she feels so bad that she’ll be told to do something, get to her room and realize she’s forgotten. And then she’ll sit there trying desperately to remember so that she doesn’t have to ask. How horrible that must be, and I didn’t know to help her through it. I know I can’t change it, but I can’t help having a broken heart knowing my baby has been dealing with this and didn’t know how to express it.
Post # 7
It is normal to ask yourself why and even wonder what you could have done differently. That’s the nature of being a mom. I don’t think it’s too late. I think 7 years old is a good age to be evaluated for a possible diagnosis such as ADHD. It’s also a good age to start intervention. You have enough time to start treatment and also get the ball rolling with the school department (setting up an IEP or a 504 plan). You can get her the help she needs.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know it’s tough. My daughter has autism and my FI’s son has ADHD. The one thing you have to remember is no matter what the outcome of an evaluation is, she is still the same little girl you’ve loved since the day she was born.
Good luck with everything.
Post # 8
We just recently had our daughter tested for learning disabilities and it came back that she has short term memory problems. The Dr. said that when we ask her to do things and she forgets to do them it may not be that she is being a difficult child- just that she honestly did not remember that she was asked to do something. I feel SOOOO bad that I have scolded and disciplined her for something that may not be her fault. I feel you.