Post # 1
Good Morning hive,
Well, my wedding is just a few days away. After a 2 year engagement, it’s hard to believe this is really happening! Anyways, I’ve gotten a few gifts already and this morning at work, one of my coworkers surprised me with a very sweet card which contained $100 inside. It was so super generous of her, and I’m very flattered she thought of me. But I can’t help but to feel guilty to accept it as we didn’t invite her. We actually had considered it, as there are a couple other managers in her “group” I invited, but they are the ones I report to, and it turns out only one is coming. I don’t think she meant anything offensive with it, I think it was just a legitimate kindness. But part of me can’t help but wonder if maybe she was a little hurt she wasn’t invited?
I feel like at this point it is so late it would be super ultra tacky to invite her. And I can’t turn back time now. Sigh…..I hate feeling guilty! Is there any proper etiquette way to extend an invitation? Or is this my crazy bride brain guilt over analyzing the situation? Is it normal for people not invited to still give gifts?
Post # 3
I don’t think there would be any good way to invite her. Coworkers (ones with some social grace, at least) realize that guest lists are limited. It sounds like this woman is just genuinely happy for you and wanted to give you a gift. No need to feel guilty- send the thank you and enjoy it!
Post # 4
Don’t feel guilty! She probably is just happy for you and wanted to give you something nice.
A few months ago, I sent a gift from the bride’s registry to my cousin’s fiancee for her bridal shower. I wasn’t invited to the shower, probably because I live far away, but I was so happy for them, I really just wanted to give her something! I would take it as a legitimate kindness and send a thank you note, but don’t extend a last minute invite. I’m sure she understands.
And congrats on your upcoming wedding! 🙂
Post # 5
She is very nice and I think understands that lines have to be drawn, definitely has social grace. When we were making our guest list, it was over 200. But now we only have 168 coming. In retrospect I should have just invited her, she was one of a few people we were on the fence about. But I didn’t even know her address and didn’t want her to feel awkward/obligated or look gift grabby. I’m just so shocked by how generous she was. Then again $100 to me is a lot and may not be much to her.
We did have a couple people cancel, but I feel it would be rude to say “if you’d like to stop by we have a couple open seats”. I can’t think of any graceful way to extend the invitation.
Post # 6
If she was that hurt she wasn’t invited, she would not have given you anything! I wouldn’t worry about it. Send her a thank you card and let it go 🙂
Post # 7
Don’t feel guilty! Write her a very nice thank you note. And maybe send her a wedding announcement after the fact with a note saying you were sorry you couldn’t invite her but are so happy to work with her and thankful for her gift.
Post # 8
use your “guilty feelings” as an excuse to get to know this person better. It is too late to invite her, and you don’t want her to feel like she’s bought her way into an invite by giving a gift, but someone who gives a nice gift out of plain old thoughtfulness and caring is someone you want to keep close to you. Hand-deliver her a thank-you card and consider asking her to lunch — you can pay, or the two of you can go dutch, it’s not about repaying the gift but rather giving you a chance to get closer to someone who is clearly worth having in your life.
Post # 9
I personally would invite, just say some seats open up. I would rather have those seats filled than lose money. Also thank her for the gift!
Post # 10
Just be gracious and accept the gift in the spirit in which it was likely given.
She is happy for you and wanted to wish you well.
I wouldn’t extend a last minute invitation. That might make her feel that her gift prompted the invitation when that wasn’t likely the case.
Post # 11
@candykiss: Don’t invite her. It’ll look odd and she might find it super awkward as well. I think you should just look at it for what it is – she is being generous. I don’t expect to be invited to any of my coworkers’ weddings and I am not offended if/when I am not. You have to cap the guest list somewhere.. you did nothing wrong.
If she was doing this just to make a point or make you feel guilty, she would not have given as much as $100.
Post # 12
i would ask her if she’s found a dress for the wedding, and when she acts surprised … say what you didn’t recieve your invite i wondered why you never meantion the wedding. but thats just me i would fell guilty too and would want to find a way of inviting her without it seeming to tacky… i maybe well off the mark, i’m not overly good with ettiquette.
Post # 13
“Don’t feel guilty! She probably is just happy for you and wanted to give you something nice.”
This. She sounds very sweet and generous. Send her a thoughtful thank you note.
Post # 14
DON’T feel guilty. She freely gave you a gift despite knowing full well she was not invited. She appears to be one of those rare but priceless individuals who understands that we simply cannot invite everyone we’d like to, and who feels so genuinely happy for you that she wanted to give you something.
I’ve gotten a few gifts from friends of our family whom I would almost certainly have invited if we’d done a larger wedding, but as it was, just couldn’t include them.
Take it for the lovely gesture it is, write them a thoughtful thank you note, and then try to include them the next time you entertain a large group (if you can).
Post # 15
Don’t feel guilty! We received some of our most generous gifts from people not invited to the wedding. I think a lot of times coworkers appreciate not being invited and having to decide if they go and be uncomfortable with all your family they don’t know, or how do they decline, and then do they have to send a gift…
Anyone who wants to get you a gift to celebrate, whether or not they’re invited can. And it’s still a gift – given without expectations of anything in return.