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Oooo i totally feel you. Is there ANY wiggle room? i mean, they are all going to Cabo with you! How cool!
What if you pay for their hotel room?
Cabo sounds like soooo much fun! I know what you mean about feeling bad having them spend so much money. Could you offer to help just a little bit? Not pay for all of the hair and makeup but like half or something just to help them out a little bit. Or like ejs said pay for their hotel room. You could help them with a night or two at the hotel. You could always ask your bm what they would prefer help on paying for. You mentioned that you might help them with dress or hair/makeup. Personally, I would assume as a bm that I would be paying for my dress and hair/makeup so I wouldn't really expect the bride to pay for any of that.
Well first of all, you're not asking them or making them to go to Cabo (that's awesome, btw!). They are planning that themselves (at least that's what it sounds like from your post) so you don't have to feel bad about any of those expenses. What are you planning on doing for their BM gifts now since you can't do the hair/makeup? I feel like it's pretty standard (and this is what I'm doing) for the girls to pay for their dress and their accomodations for the wedding. Any wedding I've ever been in, that has been the case and I'm fine with it. As long as you're not requiring them to do professional hair and makeup then you don't have to worry about the cost of that because they can choose if they want it or not depending on their finances. I think, if it's not in the budget to gift them the hair/makeup or the dresses, you should think of good and perhaps personal gifts for them which, while they might not be as expensive, would have a lot more sentimental value and meaning. I think that's what I'm going to do although I haven't decided on what yet.
I've been a broke bridesmaid before, and although I never really felt upset at the brides for "making" me pay for the required stuff (dress, travel, etc), I would have definitely rather they put the funds they spent on the bridesmaids gifts toward these essentials. Although the gifts I received were very thoughtful and generous, they weren't necessarily things I would have spent money on my own. That's just my preference though, and I wasn't bummed at the way things turned out - I knew what I was getting into financially when i agreed to be a bridesmaid!
Thanks everyone! Kittyachi, no, I definitely did not ask to go to Cabo, that's something that they came up with on their own! Pretty awesome BMs huh. :) I can't wait to see what they have planned (Cabo or anywhere)!
I really like the hotel room suggestions...and I also agree with peanutlovespumpkin, I think I would much rather have some of the essential stuff (dress, makeup, hotel room) paid for, than get a gift. I was originally going to get them a gift + hair/makeup if they wanted it, but that's not possible anymore. I was really stressing about what gift to get them, that's meaningful and budget-friendly, but I really like the hotel room idea! If you guys were my BMs, you would like that, right?
Thanks again, this is why I love Weddingbee so much!!
I agree with above posters - I think that NOT paying for their hotel, hair, makeup is totally what is expected. You also have to take their financial situation into account. If they are students, or unemployed, etc, they would probably appreciate you paying for their hotel rooms as their gift. Another way to save them $$ is to allow them to buy their own dresses. This is a trend right now and you can find tons of pics of bridesmaids in different shades of the same color, same color from same manufacturer, all different colors, etc. I went with black and told my girls that if they already have a black dress they should go ahead and wear it - I was the same way, I didn't want to make them spend a lot either and ours is semi-DW as well.
When I say that I'm thinking of paying for their hotel rooms as a gift, as suggested by some of the previous posters, I meant their hotel rooms for the weekend for the bachelorette party. What do you guys think of that? Many of my BMs will be staying over with their husbands/boyfriends the weekend of the wedding.
I think the hotel room sounds like a great idea! In terms of making the gift personal, you could do something like frame a pic of you + individual bridesmaid, and write a sweet note on the back; maybe you could even arrange for the frames to be placed in the hotel rooms before they arrive or something?
i've been struggling with this same issue. luckily my bridesmaid and moh are my sister and sil, so my mom is paying for a lot of their stuff, but they still are throwing me an awesome bachelorette party (taking me on a surprise trip) and throwing the shower. but then when i think about it, i did the same for my sil (we took her to ny) and will do the same for my sister some day, plus i'm just really broke right now. they know i love them and appreciate them, and they also know that they don't have to do those things, i actually said that i wanted something low key. but like i said, when it's my sister's turn, i just have to return the favor and throw her some kiss ass parties.
I think you are being totally reasonable. You are picking inexpensive bridesmaid dresses and giving them the option of hair and makeup. There isn't much more you can do! The dresses I picked are over $300, so I am subsidizing over $200 of the dress for each of them, letting them wear shoes they already have in the color I have requested (the dresses are long anyways) and telling them that it is totally up to them how they want to do their makeup/ hair and totally up to them if they want it to be professionally done.
I think paying for the hotel rooms would be a great idea - a nice treat. Its such an expensive time, and your girls sound like they are really happy just to be bridemaids and hopefully they won't expect any expensive gifts / gestures.
I think paying for wedding expenses is AWESOME (from a BM perspective) - most of the time, no offense, BM gifts just suck/are useless...
From a bride's perspective, having a lot of Bms is nice, but also costly! I think as long as you're not demanding crazy things, then it's ok. Seems like you have your head on straight, so I wouldn't worry. Maybe instead of gifts, you could pick up the hotel rooms for them to crash at?
I totally understand where you are coming from. Like Mrs. Louboutin, I am subsidizing the dresses by giving them each $75, making the dress just shy of $200 (wish I could have done more), but also allowing them to choose their shoes, and make their own decisions on hair/makeup. I honestly don't think you are being unreasonable at all!
I have been in several weddings and never had anyone offer to pay for any of the wedding expenses. I didn't expect it so it wasn't a big deal. When you agree to be in someone's wedding, you are committing to shelling out $$. As long as you are being reasonable (which you are), you shouldn't feel guilty.
I have to say it, wedding contributions, such as hotel stays, dresses, hair and makeup, any of those would be much better than a traditional bridesmaids gift. Who says that they would even use it after they get it? With you helping pay for the dresses or for their hotel stay or hair and makeup, it will actually ease the expenses on their part, and I think it would be a much better solution!
Good luck!
if you have the extra money it'll be great to pay for their hair and makeup but if not, dont' feel bad about it. I'm sure they want to do all these stuff for you because they love you and not because of how much they can get back in return. That's why they agreed to be your bridesmaids. I think they would understand if you just don't have the funds.
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What is everyone paying for for their BMs? I'm starting to feel really terrible that I can't pay for more my bridesmaids! They're buying their own dresses (I'm trying really hard to keep them under $100), and if they want professionally-done hair and makeup, they're paying for it themselves -- totally optional, and it would be about $100 - $150 per girl. We're having a semi-DW so they have the choice to stay at a hotel (ranging from $90 a night to $190 a night) or drive back to LA. I know they're also planning a fabulous bachelorette party (I've heard that Cabo is an option), and a bridal shower too. I haven't asked for any of this, except for the BM dress, of course, and they all have options about hair/makeup, whether or not to stay over, and I've told them over and over that if we do go to Cabo (but I'd be happy with anything!!) I plan on paying for myself.
I'm just starting to feel really bad. I wish I could pay for more for them -- originally, I was planning on paying for hair/makeup if they wanted it done but my dad ended up giving us much less money for the wedding than we had thought, and we were already locked into so many of our contracts. As it stands, without paying for my BMs' stuff, we're nearing $30k for our wedding and I just can't afford to spend an extra $1000ish on hair and makeup for 7 BMs. Of course, I'm planning on getting them gifts but should I just gift them the dress, or hair and makeup instead? What do you think the BMs would want? I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends -- I'm just starting to feel like a bad bride!!