Feeling guilty over not inviting family I have *nothing* in common with

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@blushpinkbride:  I completely understand and agree with what you are saying. I think it is a good choice to not invite them. It is your day. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m not inviting more than half of my family. They never invite my parents or myself to anything so why the hell would I spend valuable space on them? i don’t need to show off or look good in front of anyone.

My grandpa is pissed about this decision but I really don’t care…. 

I feel ya, don’t feel bad, it is YOUR wedding. You guys do what is best for you and what makes you feel comfortable. 

Post # 5
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

We’re not inviting one uncle, from each of our sides. Never see them, don’t talk to them, so no relationship. Space is limited, so why invite a virtual stranger?

Post # 6
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m going to be in SUCH an awkward spot with this! If I invited everyone in my family, that’d be 60-80 people. We want a SMALL wedding and we really just want close friends & family. We’ll have the guest list around 30 & invite list no more than 40. I don’t even want to invite my brother as he is the oppsite of a supporter of marriage equality, thinks being gay is a sin, thinks that patterson or peterson hick from duck dynasty is justified for thinking the way he does, blah blah blah. He would be the epitomy of negativity on a happy day.

Do what you need to, those people aren’t important & would ruin your day! Sometimes being blood related means jack shit

Post # 7
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had a small wedding and we only invited people that we genuinely wanted to attend. I just wasnt a fan of the idea of inviting someone because you have to. The reality of the situation is that I have some friends that I consider family and I have some family that I don’t even feel related to. Some family I left out were criminals and people that I just dont care to associate with. They wouldn’t have contributed anything positive to our wedding day. Other relatives were left out simply because we barely even know them. I invited 1 out of 5 uncles, just because I havent seen or spoke to the other 4 in almost 20 years. I dont see the point of inviting them just for the sake of inviting them when I dont even really know them. I understand that its a courtesy, but really I just wanted to be surrounded by the closest and most important people in our lives. I hate when people say “its my day, its all about me” but to some extent the wedding is your day and at the very least you should only be entertaining and hosting people that you really want to be there celebrating with you.

 

Post # 9
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Had that same problem with my husbands side and if I could do it differently we would not have invited them. Not only were they trashed and inappropriate but they told other people we didn’t invite that they could just show up to the reception…and they did so dressed in jeans and some in shorts. Luckily it all went down after dinner and when everyone was already dancing and drinking not a lot of people noticed. My husband was really annoyed about it as was I but had we just decided to not include certain people from his family it would have all been ok. No crashers and no drunk beyond reason cousins and uncles and so on. So don’t you feel guilty at all. Stick to your decision its your day and you should have it how you want it. 

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@blushpinkbride:  I think a ring is coming very soon and started my list today. If I invited all my cousins I have have a lot of people just on my side.  I’m leaving off cousins I’m not remotely close to and I think that’s fine.  I haven’t been invited to all of their weddings (although to be fair most of them got married when I was still a child).  Don’t invited anyone you don’t want to.

Post # 11
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@blushpinkbride:  it is always a sticky situation because feelings will always be hurt. My father has two children from another mother and we have virtually no relationship. They do not try, and I stopped trying to maintain…So, I decided not to invite them to my wedding and my Aunt  (Dad’s sister) believes that I am being mean. I just don’t know what to do…

Post # 12
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Just because someone is related to you, it doesn’t mean that they’re guaranteed/ deserve an invite. I invited only one out of thirteen cousins- everyone’s so scattered across the country, so why invite someone I hadn’t seen in ten years, in lieu of friends we see every month? If they’re not in your life, DO NOT feel guilty!!

Post # 13
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@Jas00:  I assume these are adult children, not living at home with your Dad? If so, your aunt really needs to keep her mouth shut. It’s your wedding, not hers. :)-

 

Post # 14
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rebwana:  the children reside with their mother – one is 19 and the other 17. The funny thing is she guilt tripped me about it and then siad “well….it is YOUR wedding..”

 

like no shit!

From what I can gather I belive that she feels that it is more of an image thing. She wants people to think our family is something it is not…? idk…

Post # 15
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@blushpinkbride: That sounds awful, and no one can blame you for not wanting those people at your wedding. I’m personally not inviting one of my dad’s brothers just because I don’t know him. Wouldn’t recognize him if he bit me… There’s nothing wrong with the guy, but he’s just not been a part of my life, and my guest list is pretty crowded as is. You’re well within your rights to invite only the family members you want there.

Post # 16
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@blushpinkbride:  I could have written the exact same post down to the number of siblings my dad has, their problems, not knowing how to behave at a wedding, being embarassed by them. The only difference is my dad is still alive. I didn’t invite a single member of his side of his family, at his request.  Don’t feel guilty. You (or your family) are spending a ton of money to have the most memorable party to celebrate one of life’s most momentous occasions. You shouldn’t have to share that day with anyone you don’t even like, let alone might ruin your day with uncouth behavior. Just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean you’re obligated to love them.  These are all things my father told me as we were planning our wedding. In my case, my parents were paying, so I felt an obligation to honor his wishes and was secretly relieved I wouldn’t have to worry about my uncles making drunken passes at my husband’s female relatives. 

You are not stuck up, uppity, or anything remotely close to that for wanting your wedding day to be a positive, happy, loving day surrounded by people who truly wish you well and are not just there to drink free booze, eat your food, talk shit, and judge you.  No way does that make you a bad person.  

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