Post # 1
My BIL and his gf got engaged in July. They have been dating for approx 4 years but their relationship has had some ups and downs. I’ve always been supportive though because whose relationship really hasn’t. Darling Husband had concerns because his brother is only 22 and Darling Husband was afraid that his brother was repeating his same mistakes (DH married young and divorced), plus his fiance is 28 and I think Darling Husband thought there may have been some pressure. Anywho here’s the issue….
I’m a wedding planner. When they got engaged they asked me for help which I had some reservations about, but of course wasn’t going to say no. They had such a small budget and I knew I could get them some great deals. Including a free high end, normally $4k photographer, who helped me break into the industry. Lots of my friends in the business gave them great deals for their July (peak time) wedding.
Tonight she calls me crying to tell me she’s not marrying BIL. She’s screaming and freaking out. She kept repeating that she wasn’t marrying him and that she was sorry. I asked what happened and she replied, you ask him he’s a punk ass bi*** who should rot in hell. I realized right away that he cheated. My heart broke for her.
A couple minutes later BIL called and explained he had an emotional affair and she caught him. Needless to say it’s been a crazy night since they are both using me as their mediator. She won’t talk to him and I don’t blame her at this point.
Anywho, BIL is asking me not to call off anything, but I feel as though these people who have reserved dates to give free services, and have turned down paying clients, are the one’s who will be punished if I let this continue for too long knowing that this wedding probably won’t happen. Plus if you cheated 7 months before the wedding, you probably should put it off anyways.
Am I wrong? or would you cancel the vendors too?
Post # 3
As someone who is also a wedding planner, I totally feel for you. They have put you in a very awkward position.
I could go either way. One, I definitely understand wanting to let the vendors know. As a professional, your reputation could be compromised by holding the vendors for longer than necessary, especially as they are doing favors.
Sigh. I’ll keep your family in my thoughts. I’m sure you’ll figure out the right thing to do!
Post # 4
I say wait a week. If they are still broken up by then, call the vendors. However, I understand that your professional name is at sake, so it’s really your call.
Post # 5
Ooh, what a position you are in. I’m so sorry. I voted to wait. I’d give them three days (say Friday at 5) and if EITHER of them say it’s a no-go, then let the vendors go. If they get back together, they can find other vendors, but just because one party is holding on to the hope that the wedding is on as planned, it takes 2 to get married.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t make any decisions tonight, but I would definitely let them both know that you need to call the vendors ASAP if indeed their wedding is not going on as planned. I doubt that it will go on, but you never know, I guess.
I would suggest planning on canceling the vendors, but don’t do it immediately. Give it a few days and unless they get to counseling asap, I would call and cancel. Their relationship problems don’t need to become your professional ones, but you also don’t want to appear too hasty either.
Sorry they put you in such an awkward position! 🙁
Post # 7
That’s tough. :/
I would say to give it a week or so. Just give yourself some sort of deadline like 10 days. If it’s still off, tell them both you are cancelling everything (so they can’t hold you accountable if they decide to stay together) and then do it. I don’t think a week or two will make a huge deal to the vendors in the long-run, but it could make a huge deal to the couple.
As long as some sort of decision is made by Christmas I think you’re good. With all the Christmas-time/New Years engagements, those vendors will probably get lots of contacts right in the new year. If it’s not going to happen, at least a few of them can take on those new clients. My sentences make no sense today! Sorry. :/ Lol
Post # 7
I’d wait as well. Give them a week or so.
Post # 8
Wow though call, but this is your job we’re talking about. Agree wit PPs wait a week or so before calling vendors.
Post # 9
At this point I would wait exactly one week and I would tell BIL exactly that, they have one week to make a decision to continue or not. Even a family member will understand that you have your business to protect. I would feel aweful if I had hurt a family members business in any way, especially if it were my actions that caused the issue in the first place.
Post # 10
That is your BIL so I think you need to be clear and straightforward with him but if it were anyone else I would cancel right away.
I think you should communicate to them that you are willing to wait for x amount of days (less than a week) for them to work out their problems and continue the wedding as planned otherwise it is off. Then you should have consequences like if it happens again their wedding will be cancelled without notice.
EDIT: Also, put it in writing and make them sign something so they understand the seriousness of the situation! Scare tactics! LOL
Post # 11
Honestly, I would call the vendors and tell them it’s off. She said it’s off, so it’s not YOUR fault if it ends up being back on.
Post # 12
I’d wait a week, or at least a couple of days. People make dramatic statements like “the wedding’s off!” in the heat of the moment.
If you cancel everything now and they get back together tmrw, it would be hard for you to call in favours from your vendor friends again. Or, you may decide not to help them out anymore, and feel guilty.
Post # 13
Thank you ladies. I’m going to wait until Friday. She called me one other time upset and said the wedding was off, but she was just feeling the financial stress and that time I had no reaction. This time is a much more serious issue.
@winerygirl: I’m done helping after this. I wouldn’t get anyone else involved in this mess again. I have had normal clients do this, but the fact that people might be losing money because of a favor they did for me, makes me feel terrible.
Post # 14
@mexicanabeibi: I wouldn’t want them to make a promise to me out of guilt and for her to marry him because she felt bad about the effect it would have on me either. I’m not going to let someone marry someone they don’t think they should because their worried about disappointing me. That would be terribel.
Post # 15
@mwitter80: Fair enough, I understand your frustration.