(Closed) Feeling Guilty… What to do?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I postpone the wedding?
    Yes : (2 votes)
    3 %
    No : (76 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee

    If she asked you to hold off because you were needing or expecting money from her, it’s a valid request but to hold off on your wedding because she wants to give $1,000 is not something I would be willing to do. The money is a nice gesture but if she needs an additional 1-2 years on top of the 1 year already to save $1,000, I would feel guilty even taking it personally.

    As for your sister, see what you can do. Maybe it will be hard but she can do it or maybe what your mom saves in the year can go to helping with your sister’s airfare.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I dont see why you should wait 2 years for a 1k contribution.  If they cant all afford to travel can you compromise and do the wedding somewhere half way between your family and his family?

    Post # 5
    Member
    921 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldn’t postpone it, you are already giving a years advanced notice. Get married when you want to get married 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I say you stay with the original plan. I get that she’d like to contribute, but is $1000 really worth putting off your wedding for an entire year? And giving people time to save up for plane fare isn’t a good reason, in my opinion. You can save all you want, but there will always be things that come up that cost $$. It just doesn’t seem like a valid reason to put your future on hold. Sorry.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1501 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Keep the original plan. I’d say get your mom to help your sister get there instead of giving you money, as you don’t need it.

    No matter what date you pick not everyone will be totally happy, but you have to do what is best for you and FI and your future together.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You definitely shouldn’t postpone the wedding. Let your mom know that her presence is more than enough of a gift towards the wedding. And you said your dad would be more than willing to help with your sister’s financial situation on getting her and her family to your wedding, so I would keep it. If you keep putting it off to please other people, it might never happen.

    Post # 9
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Agree with previous posters; that’s what the advance notice is for. To allow for travel and saving money. If your mother would like to contribute I’m sure she can pay one of the vendors on the day of the wedding, a whole year from now.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2321 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Don’t wait.

    You cannot be certain that your mom will be able to save up. As you said, “a lot can happen in 2 yrs”, so maybe she will end up needing/using this saved money and will need to start all over. Then you would have waited in vain. She can always contribute this grand sum to you as an Anniversary present, birth of your child, child’s b’day, new home purchase, etc., etc. There’s enough reasons to give/have money. She doesn’t need the wedding for it. For the wedding the most important support is not monetary. And she’s already doing that.

    2012 is plenty of time for your sister to start saving for her ticket and you and/or your dad can cover the leftover. Just talk this out in advance and come to some concrete #s so there are no surprises later.

    I will say this to you as I say this to anyone who is wanting to get married. Just do it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t change your original plan, especially considering that you are choosing that date in relation to moving forward with planning your life together and beginning a family.  You are providing plenty of notice as is.  Also considering that the contribution isn’t a deal breaker for what you want to do with your wedding, I completely agree with the suggestion to talk to your Mom and ask her to provide any financial help towards the wedding to your sister to travel there with her family. 

    I want all my family to attend, and was serously thinking about that when i chose my date.  ultimately though I chose the date that I wanted; even knowing that some of my family won’t be able to attend due to their children being in school, etc.  I didn’t want to rush myself in the plans, nor wait another 6 months. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I dont NOT Think that you should postpone the wedding!! You can not put your life on hold for people. You are giving everyone a year to plan for things and thats plenty. As for your mom wanting to contribute thats really sweet but I wouldnt put my wedding and plans of children off for two years for 1k.. Not worth it. Again this is all my opinion. I appreciate that you feel bad, but if your dad plans on footing the bill anyways, and with your husband being in his thirtys I would do the wedding 2012 when you want.

    Post # 13
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think you should get married whenever you truly want to. The decision is yours and I think 1 year notice is plenty of time.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think anyone has the right to tell you to move your wedding to a later date. It’s what works for YOU and your FI. Somehow, come up with a way to get them there when you can. And sorry to say, but if they can’t save enough in a year, what’s another year with a lot of kids? Maybe they just need help.

    Post # 15
    Member
    528 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If your mom was paying I’d sympathise with her for wanting the extra time but this isn’t the case and I think it’s really unfair to ask this off you. Why put your life on hold like that for no good reason? Tell your mum that it’s more important they get your sister and her kids there, so perhaps she could contribute to that instead? She has a whole year to do so after all. Stick with your plan, get married next year! I’m having a 22 month engagement and it’s a killer! (nearly 14 months to go!!) Honestly though- don’t give in to this irrational request, I really don’t understand the logic!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2906 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Don’t postpone the wedding. People need to learn to save. For 1k, that’s only saving $84/month until the wedding.

    They will find a way to make it there.

     

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