Post # 1
Ok, so it’s been a while since I’ve been on here so some background:
Fiance and I got engaged on New Years and had our hearts set on a spring 2012 wedding (ps. I love even numbers). My family lives 2,000 miles away, his live 5 hours away. We were planning on having the wedding at his family’s farm (part time residence) 2.5 hours from where we live (3-4 hours from where his family lives full time). My dad (divorced parents still friends) is going to be paying for most (if not all) of the wedding. I’m 25 and FI is 31 (would be 26/32 for wedding in 2012, more even numbers )
Ok so… I was planning on going home next month to look at wedding dresses with my mom and sisters, until my mom called me this morning. She started telling me how she thought we were going to wait longer before getting married and that she would have more time to save money because she would really like to contribute a little to the wedding (probably around $1k) and be able to save for a flight here etc. and how my sister (married with 3 kids) is going to have a hard time saving for airfare for 5 people and that maybe we should put off the wedding another year (or two). Which made me feel really guilty for wanting to get married next year and not wait so we can move forward with our lives and start thinking about kids.
While I can completely appreciate that she wants to contribute (and would welcome any contributions of course, but my dad can provide a big enough budget for my dream small DIY wedding) but FI and I were wanting to start thinking about kids in two years and would like to be married for a year (to enjoy being “newlyweds”) before thinking about kids… Also FI’s parents are getting older (early/mid 70’s) and are currently in good health, but a lot can change in two years! And I was already prepared to possibly have to take money out of the budget to make sure that my sister and her family could be at the wedding (my dad might also be willing to help her)… Another thing (that is more superstitious than anything) is that I really don’t like the idea of getting married in 2013 unlucky number 13 (besides the fact that I don’t like odd numbers anyway) but waiting until 2014 isn’t an option, that is just too far away.
So, should we postpone the wedding and future plans (children) so my mom can contribute like she wants and give my sister more time to save for the trip and just suck up my superstitions and ocd and get married in an odd year and keep our fingers crossed that FI’s parents health doesn’t change… Or should we stay with our original plan (and future plans for children) and move forward with planning even though it might hurt my mom’s feelings that she can’t contribute and even though I might need to make sacrifices to the budget to make sure my sister and her family will be there?
What do I do?
Post # 3
If she asked you to hold off because you were needing or expecting money from her, it’s a valid request but to hold off on your wedding because she wants to give $1,000 is not something I would be willing to do. The money is a nice gesture but if she needs an additional 1-2 years on top of the 1 year already to save $1,000, I would feel guilty even taking it personally.
As for your sister, see what you can do. Maybe it will be hard but she can do it or maybe what your mom saves in the year can go to helping with your sister’s airfare.
Post # 4
I dont see why you should wait 2 years for a 1k contribution. If they cant all afford to travel can you compromise and do the wedding somewhere half way between your family and his family?
Post # 5
I wouldn’t postpone it, you are already giving a years advanced notice. Get married when you want to get married 🙂
Post # 6
I say you stay with the original plan. I get that she’d like to contribute, but is $1000 really worth putting off your wedding for an entire year? And giving people time to save up for plane fare isn’t a good reason, in my opinion. You can save all you want, but there will always be things that come up that cost $$. It just doesn’t seem like a valid reason to put your future on hold. Sorry.
Post # 7
Keep the original plan. I’d say get your mom to help your sister get there instead of giving you money, as you don’t need it.
No matter what date you pick not everyone will be totally happy, but you have to do what is best for you and FI and your future together.
Post # 8
You definitely shouldn’t postpone the wedding. Let your mom know that her presence is more than enough of a gift towards the wedding. And you said your dad would be more than willing to help with your sister’s financial situation on getting her and her family to your wedding, so I would keep it. If you keep putting it off to please other people, it might never happen.
Post # 9
Agree with previous posters; that’s what the advance notice is for. To allow for travel and saving money. If your mother would like to contribute I’m sure she can pay one of the vendors on the day of the wedding, a whole year from now.
Post # 10
You cannot be certain that your mom will be able to save up. As you said, “a lot can happen in 2 yrs”, so maybe she will end up needing/using this saved money and will need to start all over. Then you would have waited in vain. She can always contribute this grand sum to you as an Anniversary present, birth of your child, child’s b’day, new home purchase, etc., etc. There’s enough reasons to give/have money. She doesn’t need the wedding for it. For the wedding the most important support is not monetary. And she’s already doing that.
2012 is plenty of time for your sister to start saving for her ticket and you and/or your dad can cover the leftover. Just talk this out in advance and come to some concrete #s so there are no surprises later.
I will say this to you as I say this to anyone who is wanting to get married. Just do it.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t change your original plan, especially considering that you are choosing that date in relation to moving forward with planning your life together and beginning a family. You are providing plenty of notice as is. Also considering that the contribution isn’t a deal breaker for what you want to do with your wedding, I completely agree with the suggestion to talk to your Mom and ask her to provide any financial help towards the wedding to your sister to travel there with her family.
I want all my family to attend, and was serously thinking about that when i chose my date. ultimately though I chose the date that I wanted; even knowing that some of my family won’t be able to attend due to their children being in school, etc. I didn’t want to rush myself in the plans, nor wait another 6 months.
Post # 12
I dont NOT Think that you should postpone the wedding!! You can not put your life on hold for people. You are giving everyone a year to plan for things and thats plenty. As for your mom wanting to contribute thats really sweet but I wouldnt put my wedding and plans of children off for two years for 1k.. Not worth it. Again this is all my opinion. I appreciate that you feel bad, but if your dad plans on footing the bill anyways, and with your husband being in his thirtys I would do the wedding 2012 when you want.
Post # 13
I think you should get married whenever you truly want to. The decision is yours and I think 1 year notice is plenty of time.
Post # 14
I don’t think anyone has the right to tell you to move your wedding to a later date. It’s what works for YOU and your FI. Somehow, come up with a way to get them there when you can. And sorry to say, but if they can’t save enough in a year, what’s another year with a lot of kids? Maybe they just need help.
Post # 15
If your mom was paying I’d sympathise with her for wanting the extra time but this isn’t the case and I think it’s really unfair to ask this off you. Why put your life on hold like that for no good reason? Tell your mum that it’s more important they get your sister and her kids there, so perhaps she could contribute to that instead? She has a whole year to do so after all. Stick with your plan, get married next year! I’m having a 22 month engagement and it’s a killer! (nearly 14 months to go!!) Honestly though- don’t give in to this irrational request, I really don’t understand the logic!
Post # 16
Don’t postpone the wedding. People need to learn to save. For 1k, that’s only saving $84/month until the wedding.
They will find a way to make it there.