Feeling hopeless, need a boost…

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@O.My.Heart:  from the practical side of me, I would advise that maybe you and your husband both work and save some money to pay down some of your debt. Then he can start his school next fall. I definitely wouldn’t PLAN on bringing a new baby into the mix if you are living paycheck to paycheck, or don’t have some savings for emergencies. Even in your late 20’s that wouldn’t be too late by any stretch to start your family and have kids. It will be way less stressful for all the reasons you mentioned to have a stronger financial situation. 

But you and your husband have to be the ones to decide when the right time is. 

Post # 4
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Both of you need to keep working to pay your debts off or get them paid down. Don’t create anymore in the process of doing so.  Look up the snowball effect. This will help you with multiple bill debts.  This has helped me through the years clearing debt quicker. 

That being said – don’t let your finances get in the way of your relationship/marriage and/or life planning.  Financial burden is one of the top causes for problems in relationships and marriages.  

Wait until 3/4 of the bills are down and then he can go back to school.  You need to set priorities, and right now, your debt is a priority over his schooling.  


Post # 5
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@O.My.Heart:  Time to get a plan and make it happen!  Plans make us feel more grounded, as if we have some sort of control.

Maybe you’d be a candidate for the Dave Rasmey plan.  Or make up your own plan.  Then you can put a time frame on when you’ll be out of debt and can start the other plans.

The key is to come up with a plan that you both can live with.  That might mean even delaying school or babies.

Post # 6
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@O.My.Heart:  I’m sorry you are going through this, but I think your situation is less hopeless than it probably feels right now.  My suggestion would be to work on getting rid of your existing debt first, before you DH starts dipping into OSAP for school.  If it’s a question between him starting school in January, or September of next year, I would suggest waiting and getting some of your debt paid off.

Also, you touched on being worried about emergencies when he goes back to school.  In the time between now and then, as well as working on your debt, I would suggest putting away a couple months worth of expenses (i.e. food, rent, bills) as an emergency fund as well if you can.  That may require cutting some non-essentials for a while, but it will give you the peace of mind when he starts school and you go back to one income.

When your DH starts school, does he have an option of doing a co-op program?  Or would he have paid apprenticeships?  He might want to look into that, and how the scheduling would work (ie. when I went to school I alternated between co-op and school terms and it let me get through without OSAP).  So perhaps that is an option for him.

Good luck to you both!

Post # 7
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

When I was freaking out about how much money I owed, and how I couldn’t get ahead of my bills, I realized the ONLY solution was to make more money.  So, I applied for some part-time jobs.  I now work as a tutor for two people, I teach a community college class, and also work full-time as a teacher (starting a new teaching job in a few weeks, too!  Eeee!).  I recommend looking into how you can make more money so you can save AND pay down your debts.

It doesn’t make sense to stay at home and not work if you are capable, and especially if you have debt.  I wouldn’t do that.

Post # 8
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@O.My.Heart:  I just wanted to let you know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. My FH was previously divorced and his wife owned half of the business he ran. He had to buy her out for $50,000 and then instead of admitting he had no money after the divorce he moved into a townhouse he couldn’t afford and racked up major CC debt. 6 years later and we are paying it off but ALMOST DONE. I got a better job, we started being picky about spending, and moved into a shoebox of an apartment. At times it felt like it was the weight of the world and we would never get out from under but it will happen. I also am just starting to go back to school and will graduate with $15,000 in federal student loan debt but at least I know with my degree I can pay for that and we will live more comfortably than we ever have. It truly IS an investment. Keep swimming, dear!

Post # 9
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Believe me, I know your situation. Between consumer debt, my car and student loans, I’m swimming in debt. But, I made a plan and I’m sticking to it. So far, I’ve already paid off one credit card and am halfway through paying off another.

Do you have multiple credit cards or just the one? What I did was look at my cards (5 of them all together) and make a list of all the balances. I started putting all my extra money towards the card with the smallest balance. Now that one is paid off and I’m putting all my money towards the next card until I can get them all paid off. My goal is to be completely out of credit card debt by the end of next year.

For now, I would suggest that your husband’s waits until next fall to go back to school. Until then live off your income. It will be tight but put half of his in a savings account and put the other half towards your debt on top of what you are paying already. You guys can do this.

Post # 10
1258 posts
Bumble bee

My FI is in school currently for an apprenticeship. His is a different trade than your DH, but I completely hear what you are feeling right now. I’ve been there, and am still there. Living off one income is hard, we have had to do it before in our relationship.

What I think is harder though…is trying to build a future (start a family, buy a house, live comfortably) when one person has a decent job and the other is consistently struggling because they can’t get a leg up to get a better job that is stable. Which is where education or training comes in handy. 

Don’t get me wrong I know the money factor is a HUGE barrier especially when there is debt.  I would suggest setting up a budget of what your income will be while he is in school. Can you swing things on your one income? You mentioned that you are more stressed out atm and it’s a bit of living paycheque to paycheque. It’s not ideal, but try paring down what you can, cut cable, stop eating out as often, can you move to a cheaper apartment, etc.

Try to live on one income while you still have two incomes coming in.  Can you swing things where you throw all of his paycheques or a big portion of it at your debt for the next little bit? 

It would be great for him to wait until next fall before he starts, so you guys have more time to prepare for the big change. But at the same time, if he’s going to do it, it’s going to prolong the process of an apprenticeship. Depending of course, on how long his schooling is. We had that option too…and he chose to start earlier to get the schooling portion over with so he could start on the work part of it and actually get paid as a 1st year apprentice. 


Post # 11
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@O.My.Heart:  Are you sure that interest doesn’t accrue for OSAP loans right after graduation?  I don’t know about them, but I know many people here were shocked to learn that while they had a grace period to start paying, interest started adding up much sooner.

Can he get into an apprentiship program where he gets paid?  I know of colleges here where during the classroom sessions people actually qualify for EI, so they are getting paid throughout the entire program.

Post # 12
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

The best place to start would be for both of you to sit down together and get a reality check of your finances. It seems fairly clear that you can’t afford to live on your income alone, or at least not very easily. And if you plan to continue doing that you’ll have to figure out a better way to. 

The only way to know if you’ll be able to pay down debt, pay to live, and save for emergencies is to crunch  numbers. And while I haven’t read his book personally, I also think you may be a good candidate for Dave Ramsey, people seem to really thrive under his plan.

Once you do this and figure out your baseline, you can talk about wether your DH should go back to school and when. It sounds like it’s a good career move for him/your family long term which is worth student loans IMO, but you vhae to be prepared and know what you are getting into. You also need to know how long it will take him after school to make a living that will allow you to be a SAHM. My limited knowledge of electricians is that it can take a few years of apprenticeship etc to make a decent living. It seems to pay off in thelong run though. 

And don’t worry about your debt, and not having it all together, or having a house, etc. You’re both young,and you have time to grow your careers and get those things you want. I was a hot mess finance wise when I was your age. Even at almost 32 I still kind of am at times! 🙂 

Post # 14
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@O.My.Heart:  HUGS to you sweetie!  Do you know why he got so upset?  Like the deep down reason?

I am so sorry other issues are making this a bad day for you.  Vent away if you need to!

Post # 16
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@O.My.Heart:  That makes sense – someone just had to say it outloud!

Were you able to come up with a plan from here on out?  I forgot to ask, do you track your monthly expenditures?  Dave Ramsey’s plan to get people out of debt includes assigning every dollar you make to something specific (as in no floating money).

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