Post # 1
I’m emotional….upset, angry resentful etc. I hate the person I have become! all because of waiting!
I have been with my SO for 4 years. We met on holiday and were long distance for 2years (Ireland-Scotland) I moved over as it was easier for me to get a job. I left a management role for a class teacher role. We rented a flat for a year then decided to buy. we then moved in with his dad for 10 months and have just moved into our new home. Throughout all this my younger sister (by 5 years!) got engaged, all my friends are married including the two single friends I was on holiday with when I met him. I feel so bitter towards him. I’ve left my friends and family to start a life with him and he has yet to pop the question. We have talked about it loads and we out a timeline down which has been and gone- ‘you will be engaged by your 30th.’ Every time I look at Facebook someone has got engaged or married and I e been with my SO longer. I hate how I feel. I’m currently sitting crying, I just can’t shake this hopelessness. I love him so much but I don’t like him very much right now. granted I’m probably no fun to be around but I’m stressed as I’ve been supporting him finanically for the past month as he spent his money at my future brother in laws stag party and now is injured and off work. I bail him out when he is stuck and don’t moan, I cook his dinners wash his clothes ….. He even asked me to try for a baby soon. WHAT?!! Has he not been listening to me?! Family mean so much to me. I’m 30 and he is 31, I thought we would be starting our family sooner but now is seems further away than ever
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - Temple Beth Am/Love is Blind
Kelz-rose: Have you talked to him? I think it is really important to communicate so that you’re on the same page, perhaps he doesn’t know what you want and he is comfortable with what you have. It took a lot of talking between my now fiance and I to understand what each of us wanted, he thought we had all the time in the world, and I did not agree.
Post # 3
Kelz-rose: Ive felt like this before. After countless tears tantrums being depressed and not even wanting to look at my FH. A wise bee told me this is the only thing he can do on his own. That you dont have control over. And soon enough 3 weeks aftet those words he asked me to marry him. If you have discussed marriage. Just wait a couple of months. Could be sooner than you know.
Post # 4
Why don’t you propose to him? It sounds like you guys are on the same page about spending your life together, maybe he’s just not the type to plan out a proposal.
Post # 5
We have talked about it loads, he knows how I feel and how important it is to me. He wants to start a family as well but I’ve told him it’s important to be that we are married first. I know how bad he is with money so I suppose I can’t imagine him saving for a ring. I hope I’m wrong. Just having a readily bad emotional few days! Got a comment the other day of oh u’ll be an old bride as is there any point in you getting narries now you should just start a family. My heart is breaking bit by bit. Trying not to show SO my psycho tendencies!
Post # 6
Kelz-rose: He knows how you feel. He is choosing not to marry you. You have to figure out how long you will wait. Then have the conversation (it’s not an untilmatum, just telling him how you feel)
“I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you as your wife. It does not seem like we are on the same page about this. I just want you to know that every day I’m waiting my love and respect for you is draining away. At some point in the (near) future, I can see that this waiting will kill my feelings for you and I will have to leave. I do not know when this is, but someday. If you do not want to marry me, please tell me now. It will be painful, but if you love me then be kind and tell me now. If there are other barriers to why you aren’t moving forward, please tell me so we can work on it as a team. If it’s about money for a ring, we can work on a plan for how you will save (maybe he gives you $100 a month and you save it for him). “
Post # 7
You are living together, correct? I think that when a woman clearly wants to marry and then agrees to live with the SO with no clear enggement in sight it’s a sign that he is comfortable and feels no need to put a ring on it.
Post # 8
KoiKove: Absolutely agree. OP, it’s time. Time to garner some strength and courage and decide if it’s time to move on. For you, hon. For your own future.
Post # 9
You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. You can only control your own actions. I believe you made a huge mistake buying a house together before marriage – you now have a financial and legal obligation to someone who has no intention of marrying you. I would have him buy you out and find a place of your own to live.
Post # 10
Kelz-rose: I agree with everyone, you really need to have ‘the talk’. It is past time. He’s obviously comfortable and doesn’t want to move forward, especially saying something about trying for a baby. I for one would have come unglued! My SO knows how I feel about that. It’ll be more painful if you continue living this way. Hope everything turns out for the best.
Post # 11
KoiKove: + 1000.
Kelz-rose: I know this is super hard to hear (I’ve been in your shoes both the waiting part and the planning my life around someone else part) but here’s the deal: it’s not that he’s not planning, or not committing or not saving up for a ring. The most hurtful part is that the truth is he’s CHOOSING to not plan anything. He’s CHOSEN to not commit to you or the relationship, he’s CHOSEN to not save. He’s not not just letting time go by, he’s decided to let time go by.
What will YOU choose OP? Will you CHOOSE to wait? Will you CHOOSE and DECIDE to be in this relationship despite his choosing to not commit?
“Waiting” is not a passive act of sitting back and hoping that he’ll step up, or decide to propose, curb your psycho tendencies and desires to avoid placing “pressure” on him. Waiting is actually a very active act of CHOOSING to be there every day. Or not. But it’s really YOUR choice and not his. I hope you choose what’s right for you.
Post # 12
Thanks for all the replies! My SO is a wind up merchant. He knows how to push my buttons but then have me laughing minutes later! I know we will get married I’m 100% certain of that he knows it’ll be back in Ireland and has made comments to his family and friends about this. He has already choosen his best man etc. his family are so excited at the thought of a wedding. I’m just paranoid about time, age and I stupidly compare myself to others. I think I’m my own worst enemy! I had a talk with him there about my moods and he knew why I was annoyed and said don’t be worrying it is going to happen soon you need to stop pestering me. So oops guess i need to do a shut up pact!lol
Post # 13
PMT combined with engagement announcements make me an emotional wreck!
Post # 14
Well, you are already behaving as a wife while being a girlfriend. You do everything for this mand and the one thing you want, he cannot give you. Sorry, but talking about getting married and being engaged and planning a wedding are two totally different things. At some point you have to stop listening to words and look at actions. I would have understood him dragging his feet because the first part of your relationship is long distance. But now that you live together, he is acting like marriage is not part of the plan. It is really strange that he is now expecting children.
You either tell him he has to propose or you walk, or you come up with a mental timeline and then move on. You already had one timeline that he ignored. His version of soon and you version are too different things. I think that your intuition is speaking to you about something not being right. Don’t ignore it just because he tells you “soon”. You are not 100% sure, or else you would not be on here needing to vent. I think that you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario. You sound like you can’t wait as long as he wants (which could be a decade). Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 15
Kelz-rose: what excuse did he give for missing the timeline you guys agreed on? Did you ever just flat out ask him about it?