Post # 1
My boyfriend has more or less hinted that I’ll be getting a ring for my birthday in July.
I’m 1 of 4…and I have 3 bros. So weddings were never something I thought about. Becuase I moved after graduation, I’ve missed my friends weddings and have only been to my bro’s secular (justice of the peace) weddings.
I’m not like my SIL who dreamed about marriage since they could talk. Infact, it’s only with my (future)fi that I even thought of wedding stuff.
I went on another message board and was anihilated becuase I’m apparently immature to ask these things.
I work in a highly liberal state, in a highly liberal workplace with almost all female (opiniated) co-workers. They know I have a boyfriend and it’s such a big thing that I don’t live with him…nevermind divulge anything else. While I feel free to discuss sex with my bf I don’t feel like discussing it with my co-workers…especally those signifgantly older than me.
Which makes me feel like a prude and a freak, even though I’m 27. I love the idea of being married but I’m dreading wearing a ring for a year and having comments of all natures.
Am I the only one who feels like this? Just an immature nut?
Post # 3
…maybe I’m missing something, or am clueless, but what kind of comments are you expecting with wearing a ring on your finger? Especially ones that will make you feel like a prude or freak?
Post # 4
I’m not Christian, but I am a reasonably private person. I don’t think that not wanting to share those details with your co-workers makes you immature, or them “liberal,” to be frank. I think it makes them nosy. If you’re freaked about comments (asking about the wedding planning? asking about your relationship?), I think you need to learn to perfect the big smile and the “Oh my goodness, we haven’t made any firm decisions yet. But thanks for your well-wishes!” line. If for some reason your co-workers are asking you sexually explicit questions, you need to say, “Actually, my boyfriend and I prefer to keep that part of our lives private.” And if they harass you, take it to HR.
To clarify, though: are you freaked out about having to plan a wedding, with little to no experience? Having to tell other people about your wedding-planning experience, with fear that they’ll judge you? Or having to field questions about your relationship — how long you’ve been together, if you’re living together, etc? Or is it just the idea of being the center of attention that’s freaking you out (not uncommon for introverts of all political beliefs and religious creeds!)? In short, can you clarify your nervousness a little for us so we can help you work through it?
Post # 5
Because I’m already getting office pressure about not living with him…and not having sex. It’s an open discussion in this place.
Another poor girl just got married and even though she was “doing the right thing” by living together they were miserable to her about engagement length, choice of honey moon, venue, engagement photos and everything they could google!!!! Albeit she did share a bit too much at first and realized her mistake later. But they’re pirahhans. I know not to offer any information.
A couple years ago one girl hid her engagement for just that reason (she’s since left)…I want to be proud of beign engaged but I dread the peanut gallery.
Post # 6
Jeez… Is it that bad? I understand you want to keep it private! Maybe just take your ring off when yiou go to work and just keep it quite?
Post # 7
@ villiage skeptic
Yes, it’s all alot. They are nosy…I guess since I’m quiet and religious, I attiubited their opinions to their words.
I never really though of HR since it’s a pretty big joke around here. In the past 5 years there’s been 5 guys in our entire building (including the janitor).
Yes, I’m anxious about planning a wedding when I know nothing about weddigns, especally when I don’t want to go all out.
Yes, I’m nervous about being the center of attention. It just about makes me sick.
Post # 8
You’ll deal with a peanut gallery no matter where you are trust me, if people are particularly noisy about their opinions though I would just keep my plans to myself and tell them you have everything handled and don’t want to talk about things at work but thanks anyway. Not sure what this has to do with being liberal though. I Work in a very liberal city and people aren’t necessarily like that. Sounds like these people are just nosy rude loud mouths! Do what is right for you and congratulations!
Post # 9
Seeing your last postalso – if you don’t want to pla. A wedding and be the center of attention then don’t! Go to Maui and get married on the beach with the one person that makes getting married worth it all!
Post # 10
I’m kinda confused. I am not sure what you are asking. But that being said, I have never been to a wedding, and never even thought or dreamed about getting
married. I made fun of the girls who ha e had it planned out since they were 5, that’s how not in to wedding s I was.
I think for me the turn was doing this because I want to, not because it’s what I should do or I’m supposed to do. The rest will come. Just breath.
As for the living together comment, I live in a very conservative über Christian area, I get funny looks and comments when tell people fi and i don’t live together, so that’s a people thing not a conservative liberal thing
Post # 11
You could always wear your ring on a chain around your neck at work. That way it’s close to you, but these crazy coworkers of yours won’t see it!
I am unsure why you think this is because they are liberal. They sound nosy! I worked with a group of women last year who were nosy in this way…but they were pretty conservative.
Post # 12
Yes, it’s that bad. Taking it off during working hours may help. I’ll have to talk to my (future) Fiance, he’s pretty adamat about wearing rings.
I’m looking for a new job…lovely economy to do so.
Post # 13
Great idea to wear it around my neck!!
unfortunatly, my religion allows only church weddings. And his parents would kill him if they didn’t get invited…same with mine. It’d be unforgivable.
Post # 14
I think this has more to do with your workplace then anything else. It’s none of their busiiness and those topics shouldn’t even be up for discussion. I live in a liberal place too, and I know plenty of atheist like myself, who don’t beilive in living with their boyfriends before marraige. I would say it’s pretty normal and in my experiecne it’s a some people do it, but not all.
Post # 15
We got lots of comments about not living together, too. Ultimately, it’s no one else’s business.
If you don’t give you co-workers information, they won’t have anything to feed off of. I’ve also noticed that telling people “That’s personal” tends to shut them up. It’s the line I use when people ask about when my husband and I will have kids.
In terms of your questions about wedding planning, you’ve got us. We loving helping out here. 🙂
Post # 16
Agree with PP’s that this won’t happen just in the workplace. I had a random salesman ask me if I was sure I should be getting married to someone I haven’t lived with yet. Seriously, dude?! Although, that was my own fault for divulging such information.
That really stinks that these brauds are judgy loud mouths, but personally, I would hate having to hide one of the happiest times of my life just because of a few women who’s opinions don’t matter. If it REALLY bothers you that much, the ring on the chain thing might help. And just answer any planning questions with, “It’s going!” That’s what I did…