Post # 1
Even though this is not a huge deal, I just need to vent. A few days ago, I found out that one of my bridesmaids, who lives in town, will not be able to attend my bachelorette at the end of this month. Plans were made back in February for a Saturday bachelorette (again, in town) and I have been talking about it with my bridesmaids ever since. This bridesmaid even helped reach out to out-of-town bridesmaids about whether they could also attend. She claims that she “just found out” about the bachelorette from another bridesmaid and is unable to go because she already made other plans that can’t be changed. Even though i was really hurt when she told me this, I didn’t have the heart to point out to her that we had been planning this for months and that she herself had even told other bridesmaids about the bachelorette. If she had just admitted her goof I wouldn’t have been nearly as hurt, but forgetting that she even forgot (if that makes sense) just made me feel worse.
I was a bridesmaid in her wedding a while back and she had a Friday wedding and while it was an amazing wedding and a great time, it also a huge demand on her bridesmaids’ time. We had the bachelorette, a shower, a Wednesday rehearsal, and a Friday wedding. I made it to all of these for her, even though I was really busy with school. I don’t know how to tell her that this especially hurts because it comes right after I was there for her. I feel like I made every effort to support her and make her feel like the beautiful, loved bride she was.
I love this girl a lot and don’t want this to fester because the wedding is about a month away, but at the same time I don’t know how to say that she actually really hurt my feelings. Her other plans can’t really be changed at this point and even if she did change them, I would feel like a pouty child who got her way by making demands or something. Help. :/
Post # 3
@radical4peace: I’m sorry your feeling were hurt by this. If there was one thing I learned while planning a wedding and getting married, it is to not keep a rally of “who did what” or ” tit for tat” for all of the festivities. It sucks/ hurts when you spend a lot of time and energy of someone and it doesn’t feel reciprocated. Just enjoy the people who DO show up.
Post # 4
that sucks that she flaked 🙁 i would be sad too. you want all your girls with you at your bachelorette! i would say something to her about how you are really disappointed she wont be there but i wouldnt push the topic. she’s made her choice about where she will be that night. it is strange that she lied… could it be a money thing?
maybe suggest a one on one girls night with drinks so you can still feel like you had a special send off with her?
and as an aside, i have been in friday, saturday and sunday weddings… they are ALL a “huge demand on bridesmaids’ time.” having your wedding on a saturday doesnt make any of the other activities more or less time consuming, inconvenient or expensive for your BMs. i know you didnt mean anything by it, but that comment just rubbed me the wrong way.
Post # 5
poor u 🙁
what are these other plans she has? because my opinion is unless its something very important like a job interview, family birthday etc then can she not cancel??
my 2 bridesmaids didnt know each other as one lives out of town in my hometown so i organised a weekend for her to come down, i checked dates with both BMs ok. so she booked her train etc then my local Bridesmaid or Best Man turned around and said she couldnt do it after all as she was going to poland and forgot the date! obviously i couldnt make her cancel a foreign trip but it really p-d me off and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man as she had booked her ticket etc
Post # 6
I can understand why you’re hurt but its really best to just breathe and let it go. Enjoy your night with your girls, she’ll be sorry she missed it. If it were me, I would tell her that I was hurt because you don’t want things to fester, that’ll only lead to ill feelings the day of and no one wants that!
Post # 7
@bostongirl27: I didn’t mean it as a dis on non-Saturday weddings, but more of an explanation for why her forgetfulness/flaking out really hurt my feelings. (Suggestion to not tit-for-tat are good and I will try to remember this over the next month for sure.) When a Friday wedding is combined with a Wednesday rehearsal, this does take away from work/school time even more than another type of wedding. More than a Friday rehearsal/Saturday wedding, more even than a Saturday rehearsal/Sunday wedding. I totally agree that all weddings are a demand on peoples’ time, though.
Post # 8
@crystal1978: Argh, yeah it sucks when a bridesmaid forgets about something that is pretty important.
In terms of what she has going on, she made plans to go to a school reunion and is building a new house and has a lot going on with that. Nothing impossible to move/work around, but I don’t want to push this. Again, I would feel pretty differently if she had been like, “Look, things are a little crazy and I totally forgot about your bachelorette. I can’t make it but let’s definitely hang out on _____ day and do _____” or whatever. I think the suggestion to make some one-on-one time with her is good, but I might wait for her to reach out to me.
Feeling better already, ladies. The advice to just enjoy the night/not dwell on this/try to make some time just with her are all good. I will try to put my tit-for-tat self to rest on this one. 🙂
Post # 9
You have every right to be upset. Just let her know that she hurt your feelings and move on. If she is a true friend, she will try to make it up to you.
Post # 10
Mrs Amanda +1. You should be having fun, not stressing about who isn’t there! I know it stinks, but wouldn’t you rather have a great time?