Post # 1
Hi bees, so I’m feeling a little hurt & disappointed. My fmil is getting remarried and going dress shopping this weekend, I’m not invited. When I went dress shopping, I invited her twice to come along with my mom & I so she felt involved. Both times she said she had other plans and only after my fiance let her know that on the second occasion I was mostly likely purchasing my dress did she decide that she could make time for me and come along. I feel that on occasions like this it is vital to cultivate our relationship and it is important to have one another feel involved. I feel hurt and like she doesn’t value our relationship, am I over thinking it or would others feel disappointed as well??
Post # 3
@StarLight0789: oh sweetie, I’m sorry you’re hurt. I personally wouldn’t’ feel badly about it though. I completely adore my family and friends, but I abhor shopping, and bought my dress online to avoid a group event. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them 🙂
Post # 4
Personally? I wouldn’t care.
But who else is invited? Is she making a big deal of the entire wedding or trying to keep things more low-key? It was really nice of you to offer for her to come with you, but it may not be her deal.
Post # 5
Maybe she has very little time and wants to get in and get out fast. I can shop a lot faster without my family. I wouldn’t let it bother me.
Post # 6
I think you are over thinking. Your FMIL might just want to go by herself. Some people think dress shopping is an important event, some just thinks it is simply buying a dress
Post # 7
@StarLight0789: I **hate** shopping, especially for clothes, especially for important clothes and oh lord help me if I’m shopping with other people. Maybe she’s one of those people. Seriously, I’m having a dress made mostly because I do NOT want to have some lady in a bridal shop shoving me into a million dresses that all my female relatives have decided I HAVE TO try. It literally makes me ANGRY to think about having to do that.
Also, I would never think a shopping excursion of any sort would be “vital” to me building a relationship with anyone. I avoid shopping with people to preserve the relationship! So, yes, absolutely you are over thinking this and projecting WAY too much of your priorities onto her. She’s getting REmarried… she is most likely not doing a crazy dress runway show.
Post # 8
I think you are completely over thinking it. You’re not best friends by any means (from the sounds of it) – so why should she? I dunno, personally, I feel like it’s not the same in reverse. It’s also not her first time around, so I would imagine that she’s treating it a little differently this time.
Post # 9
@StarLight0789: don’t be offended. maybe she doesn’t want a lot of people with her. i know that i certainly did not. i didn’t even tell my mother when i was going.
Post # 10
@StarLight0789: I would try not to take it personally. She is at a different place in her life and there is a good chance she didn’t want a crowd of people there. Not everyone wants an entourage with them while they dress shop. For some of us, extra people means added pressure and inconvenience. It’s most likely not about you at all, so don’t waste time feeling hurt during a joyful time in your life.
Post # 11
@StarLight0789: I can see how it hurts but yes you are overthinking it. She might have other important people in her life to invite (sister, best friend, daughter). Or maybe she just likes shopping alone – it doesn’t sound like she was that excited to go dress shopping with you. Just let it go, there will be many other ways to bond with her.
Post # 12
You are over thinking it, she probably wants only very few people with her, if any. Are you part of the wedding party? If you are then maybe she would take you with her, but if you’re not, since you’re not her actual daughter it is unlikely she would take you. You took her, not because you were best friends with her I am assuming, but because she is the Mother of the Groom, which is a big role in the wedding.
Post # 13
She isn’t having a bridal party and isn’t making a big event out of the dress shopping. She probably won’t have a traditional gown and is taking her niece the last I knew. The more I think about it, I think this dress situation just triggered my growing animosity I have been developing towards her. I should have thought it through more prior to posting.
She has been separated from FI’s dad for 2 years and it was a messy situation. She often sought out my support through the separation/divorce and I struggled with my relationship with her through the process. She has 2 sons and has always clearly favored my FI and that has gotten worse after the separation when the other son wanted little to do with her. FI and I have been living together for 3 months and she is constantly txting him and having a lot of difficultly recognizing he isn’t her little boy any longer. I realize I am sensitive, and I guess through thinking about this dress situation I realized that I am struggling with my relationship with my fmil and this just added a little fuel to the fire. It was not a shopping trip that I thought was “vital”, but I do believe that dress shopping is often a memorable and wonderful bonding experience. Thanks for the advice ladies!
Post # 14
@StarLight0789: Based on what you said, she sounds a bit like a smother mother, and I personally would not want to attend her dress shopping in the first place! So maybe it is a good thing she didn’t ask you?