Feeling hurt, what to do.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do??
    Call off the wedding and leave things the way they are : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Confront my fiancés sister : (6 votes)
    29 %
    Try harder to make things work between the three of us (girls) : (12 votes)
    57 %
    Any suggestion from public : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Open to any suggestions from anyone : (1 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You don’t want to “let it go and ignore it” because YOU don’t want to, not because of how your fiance feels about family. Don’t put this on him. You can directly affect how you feel about this situation and what it does to you. 

     

    Leaving your husbandjust because you’re not the “favorite” or being treated exactly the same as SIL #1 is absolutely absurd. True, you’d be marrying into the family, but are you hurt feelings (regarding girls who don’t deserve your respect if they treat you that way) REALLY worth giving up 14 years of being with someone?? Sounds to me like you should really be questioning your feelings for your fiance if it is that easy to leave him because of his sister(s). 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    @Pinkfirerose9870:  OK … Your FI has a bully of a sister, Im sorry, if she wont say anything nice about her own nephew that says it all really. 

    Move you and your son away from them. I hate favouritism in a family and your son should not have to endure that. Its criuel and you have the right to protect him. 

    FI should be standing up for you and making this stop. I would get on him about this. Hes supposed to stand up for his family. If he cant do this I would then have reservations about marrying him. But talk to him … dont just call off the relationship

    Stop being overly nice to them … in fact stay away from them. Everytime your nice to her it probably feeds her cruelty. Make a stand. Find some good friends, dont worry about having a sister, just enjoy life

    Post # 5
    Member
    2884 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    you’d call off the wedding because your fiance’s sister prefers the other SIL to you? thats a bit strange to me if im honest. you are marrying him, not his sister. it doesnt sound like theyre actually being mean, just reserved – they dont click as well with you. that sucks, but its nothign to do with your marriage

    Post # 6
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    First of all – I’m sorry you’re in a difficult situation, it’s never nice to feel left out or not supported. But stay strong. 

    Don’t let them get between you and your FI. I am a little shocked you would consider not marrying him.  We don’t get to choose most of our family, and some people are just jerks. Those jerks all have families, who probably have to apologize for them from time to time. 

    Family is important – but luckily, when you get married – for the first time ever you get to choose your family and build one together. My father’s mother never liked my mother (she was kind of racist… a long story for another time), and also much favoured all my cousins to myself and my brother. She lived across the country and would come to town and not see us (or only very briefly), and spend all kinds of time with our cousins. Luckily, my mother and father didn’t let it bother them. They have a happy marriage and have been together over 35 years, and raised two (I hope) well adjusted kids in a happy family. 

    I would let it go for now. Unfortunately, you can’t choose most of your family, and sometimes they can be insensitive, rude, or exclude you. Have confidence that your family (FI, son, and yourself) are perfect together and try to ignore the rest of the family’s behaviour towards you. It’s a problem with them, not you and your FI. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Pinkfirerose9870:  you can’t make someone like you, if its so easy for u to even consider breaking up ovr a situation like this is really showing ur naiveness to marriage. If u cnt push through something so trivial u should nt get ready YET. Some things u just HAV to ignore there r going to b harder trials in ur relationship than this and if u cnt look past this its nt worth going forward in marriage

    Post # 8
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m trying to say that in the nicest way possible nt saying ur crazy or immature but u need to grow in mental strength above and beyond the pettiness

    Post # 9
    Member
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee

    Sometimes family ties are not the most important thing in the world. You have a son together and you love your fiance, correct? So you would leave your fiance because his sister is a biatch? You don’t HAVE to spend time with his sister, it’s nice to get along but if it doesn’t happen or you aren’t on the same wavelength as her, then so be it. Does your fiance think his sister doesn’t treat your son well? Or is it just you that thinks it?

    I’m confused about one other thing too…does he have another child besides your son? And the SIL is paying more attention to your fiances other child then the son you have together? See that part would bother me because they should be treated equally. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    8701 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    They just don’t have the same relationship towards you. That’s how it is, black and white. You cannot make someone like you. It sucks to be left out, but not everyone is going to love you — that’s life and that’s the way social circles work. That doesn’t mean you’re somehow less of a person or not good enough, you just don’t fit in their social circles.

    The idea of leaving your husband because of something he did not dois mind bendingly ridiculous. I would addess that FIRST before you even think about this little Mean Girl’s clique you’re so desperate to get into. If you’ll so willingly throw away a relationship, you need to figure out why, and if this marriage is even for you.

    My stone cold truth advice for you is to just get over it. It sucks you don’t fit into their group, but you’ll  never fit into every group.

    Post # 11
    Member
    441 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree with PPs that it’s not a good sign if you’re at all willing to leave your FI because of his sisters’ behavior. As far as family goes, isn’t it much more important that your son get to grow up with his father?

    As far as the sisters, I think you are being too sensitive. It doesn’t sound like they’re insulting you, just ignoring you and leaving you out.

    My sister does this to me as well – and that’s my full biological sister whom I’ve grown up with since she was born. I just have to be the bigger person and ignore her right back at family events. I also had to train myself to not care what she thinks of me.

    If a notoriously tacky person doesn’t like your outfit, it doesn’t make you feel bad right? Well obviously our sisters have tacky manners, so it doesn’t hurt my feelings that my sister acts like a douchebag to me. It’s her problem, NOT mine, so it’s crazy to let it make ME feel bad.

    I truly am sorry you have to go through this, but sucking it up when people don’t like you (even family) is an indispensable skill I’m afraid.

    Post # 12
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

    It sounds like these ladies are just more bonded to one another, and therefore are closer friends. Just because they don’t constantly throw compliments to you doesn’t mean that they don’t like you – they probably just don’t feel as close to you. Some people click better than others.

    The fact that you would consider not marrrying your fiance because of this really disturbing. It doesn’t sound like any of this is his fault, and he souldn’t have to force his family to be your BFF.

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