Feeling isolated…

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Should I have moved?
    You were wrong to move. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    You were right to move, these are just growing pains. : (2 votes)
    6 %
    You were right to move and your family is crazy. : (29 votes)
    91 %
    Other (explained below). : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    aw babe, im so sorry you feel that way. Thats not normal for them to treat you like that. Why in the blueball hell would you stay/buy your grandparents house? I understand passing down and keeping in the family but there are more repairs than any money can fix, so basically giving yourself a lifetime of problems trying to even maintain a farmhouse doesnt sound smart. I think their upset because they expected you to more or less actually fix the house up, dont grow up and just stay there.

    for your friends sakes’, screw em. if they havent seenur new place by now, they obviously dont care to and u cant make them, so they value ur friendship-not at all.

    its great u have a husband u can talk to that understands, and im glad his familys so excited for you too. maybe you should just focus on that for now and take a bit of a break from friends n family. If my dad came over to my house and wanted to do an inspection i would tell him to leave. whats done is done, u bought the house, no need to point  out the potential flaws u may see in this house, but gueess what, its my house, and no one likes a monday quarterback or captain hindsight.

    dont let them bring you down, you should feel happier u found the man u want to spend your lifewith and you have a house, CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂

    big hugs 🙂

    Post # 4
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    you’re welcome, i see from your poll you got the same responses, so i hope this helps you! 

    You deserve nothing but to be happy, remember that.

    Post # 5
    5763 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Your family sounds dysfunctional but you know what, you don’t get to pick your family. You’re stuck with them. Just because they are miserable people doesn’t mean you have to be miserable too. Stop worrying about what they think or who paid for what. That’s in the past. If they want to come visit, welcome them, ignore any snarky comments, and have a nice time, and if they don’t want to visit, that’s their problem.

    Friends are a little harder to let go of but life changes and it’s normal for people to grow apart. If it’s not distance that separates you, it’s time or kids or the 1000 other reasons people have for not hanging out together. Find other ways to keep in touch with those friends. Don’t hold a grudge. Life gets in the way. Maybe since you have the rural house, an annual reunion BBQ party would be a good way to stay connected (and a big enough occasion to get people to spend the time driving out to see you).

    Make some new connections where you are. Find some new friends. Easier said than done when you work from home and live somewhere that sounds fairly rural. But if you have a dog, the dog park is a great place to meet people. Or take your laptop to the nearest coffee shop and do a half days’ work from there (you will be surprised at how many telecommuters camp out for half the day in coffee shops just because they’re tired of looking at the same 4 walls all the time). Join a meetup group (meetup.com). There are loads of them, with all sorts of interests and events.  If there’s a minor league baseball team in your town, season tickets are dirt cheap and a great way to meet people, especially other season ticket holders (but that idea only works if you like baseball).

    Long story short, stop looking for your family’s approval because you’re never going to get it, and get out of the house and meet some new folks.

    Post # 6
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2025

    gemchick82:  I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sucks to be in your situation, and I’m so glad my family has zero finanvial ties with one another (my dad says he doesn’t want any conflict later on). 

    I don’t think it’s a bad move to take your retirement funds out to buy a house. Many people do it, and you can always “repay” your retirement too! I would JUMP on the opportunity to work from home! Unfortunately, there’s not many positions in my field that would allow me to.. 

    If you have neighbors, can you make new friends? I’m not sure if it’s common in your area, but I love inviting my neighbors over for tea and baked goods! Hope your family comes around soon, I know what it’s like to have no family support (I left home at 19, and I didn’t talk to my family for 3 years). 

    Post # 7
    92 posts
    Worker bee

    Your family is just having a hard time dealing with you not fulfilling their expectations. They probably thought that they would be more involved in your choices, or you would come to them for advice etc. Some people don’t understand that their children grow up and are allowed to make decisions on ther own. My family can be the same way sometimes, so I know how u feel.

    Be happy for this new stage in your life. As long as you and your DH are happy with your decision, then that is all that matters. They will have to get over it eventually.

    When it comes to your friends, I would probably start re-thinking some of those friendships. To me, 45 minutes isn’t that bad. They don’t need to be there every weekend, but they could at least come over once to check everything out and congratulate you. Make sure that you have madethem feel welcome and that they know you would want to see them. Some people need an explicit invitation.

    Post # 8
    213 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can relate, I moved to another country a year ago to be with my now-husband and still feel isolated. It’s not a good feeling. Feeling involved/active/social is very important. My advice is to reach out to your friends, they’re really not that far away. I wish my friends were that close. Make set plans with them, go to dinner, movies, drinks, whatever you usually do together. Staying at home is definitely another huge factor. Try to get out of the house at least 1-2x a day, even if it’s just for a walk or a trip to the grocery store. Again, sorry you feel this way. I know how bad it sucks!!

    Post # 10
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2006

    gemchick82:  omg yeah sounds like my highly disgunctional family. It is so hard bc I crave the same praise and approval it gets me down all the time. I barely talk to My parents. i found out last year My dad stole $50k of inheritance $ from me. the list goes on. but I totally understand I feel Bad too!

    Post # 11
    6435 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t know what to say about your family dynamic, but it might help to build your social network in your new neighborhood. Do you know your neighbors? My neighbors have all been really nice. There might be a community association or other group organization that you could join. 

    Post # 12
    689 posts
    Busy bee

    gemchick82:  Your family sounds just as screwed up as mine is. My family has never been happy for me in any capacity and are very quick to point out shortcomings or failures.


    You dont need their approval or justification to feel good about yourself. If they cant support you then you dont need them anyways.


    My father would like to keep me under his thumb, and wants me to do everything he asks and says and i have started saying NO and doing things my own way.

    It sounds like your dad is a pain in the ass like my dad, and you are better off far away where they cant influence you with their stupid comments and expectations.

    Keep your chin up. You will make friends in the new area you moved to. As long as you and hubby are ok thats all that should matter. You will be starting a new family together.

    Post # 13
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

    Do not feel guilty for getting married, buying a house and moving on with your life. Sounds like your family was just mooching on you, manipulating and taking advantage of you. Its not dysfunctional, just calculating.

    They need to be happy for you and the fact that they are not speaks volumes. Do not despair, family is family no matter what, however you do not need your familys approval nor validation. if they cpme around, great. If they dont, well whatever.

    Meet new people, write blogs, just dont be hung out about it

    Post # 14
    2 posts
    • Wedding: December 2014

    gemchick82:  You and your husband are happy. That is ALL that matters!!! Your family could at least be happy for you. They are acting a little immature about this. They are being selfish and ridiculous. I have to give you the good advice to focus on your husband. Focus on your life with him and your happiness with him. Be done with all of that because it is going to effect your relationship with him. Focusing too much on that situation will take away precious time that the two of you should have right now. You bought a house together! That’s great! Celebrate with him and to hell with everyone else! As for your friends, if they are true friends they will join in your happiness and come see your new home. Congrats!

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