Post # 1
Okay so I’m going to start this by saying that what I’m feeling is probably 99% jealousy and completely unwarrented but you can’t change the way you feel right? Last night I overheard Fiance talking on the phone with one of his Groomsmen. We live in a pretty small house with thin walls and he talks loud so it’s nearly impossible not to hear him. Anywho, he said something about a “European vacation”. So I asked him later what was going on. Turns out all the Groomsmen want to have a week long trip to Europe which one of the Groomsmen has offered to pay for Fiance and another Groomsmen (who’s broke). This is also apparently not the bachelor party. All but one of the Groomsmen are going and they’re meeting up with FI’s cousin who lives in England while they’re there. That’s not a bachelor party?!
I have a whole jumble of feelings which I’ll try to sort through and at the end I know I should really just get over it but I can’t. First off, I think extravagent let’s travel across the world bachelor/bachelorette parties are ridiculous. Sorry but just my opinion. I have other things to spend money on and save money for. The point of the party is to spend time celebrating with your friends which doesn’t have to be a $5000 trip across the bloody world. If you can afford it, wonderful, but I’m at the age where the majority of my friends are still trying to pay off school and start careers and really don’t have the extra cash to do it.
I don’t understand why this Groomsmen is paying for himself and two other people and why Fiance and his buddy would let him do that. Fiance also let him pay for four of them to go to Amsterdam a couple years ago. Or rather this dude bought the tickets and then told them all. It makes me think of some rich benefactor or something. Fiance thought maybe it was a wedding present, which made me kind of mad. Isn’t a wedding present supposed to be a gift towards the bride and groom’s future? How does Fiance going to Europe for a week improve our future together?!
Then I got jealous because, heck, who wouldn’t want some rich friend to pay for a trip to Europe for a bunch of you?! As previously stated, all my friends are broke and I’m probably the best off of all of us. But even if one of my friends were super loaded I’m not sure they would make that offer.
Another jealousy point: I don’t want him to go and have this grand European adventure without me! I’ve been to Europe quite a few times (I’m very fortunate!) but we’ve never gone together. I hate the idea that he would get to go and do all this fun cool stuff and I don’t get to be there with him. I also don’t want him to be gone for a week. I hate sleeping in the house alone and I work from home so I’d just be here, by myself, for a week. Booooooring.
To compound this all, Fiance has been working a lot lately and I’ve been feeling pretty lonely. The time he has taken off work he’s constantly answering phone calls, emailing and writing up invoices. He works most weekends, and the weekends he doesn’t it’s because we have his son, so it’s not exactly like we get tons of quality time on those weekends.
So yes I’m totally jealous and I realize that I should be happy for him but I’m being petty and I’m not. I want to go and have fun and I want to do it with him! I don’t want to feel left behind 🙁 Sorry for the long rant. I had to wait since last night to get it out since this all happened right before bed. Grr.
Post # 3
I should probably give you some sage advice as to how to get over how you’re feeling, but in reality, I would probably feel just the same way you do. Have you talked to him about it? I mean, you can say what you said here–that you know you should be happy for him, but you’re having a hard time, and here’s why? I’m sorry you’re feeling bummed!! ((hugs))
Post # 4
We talked about it last night and we’re just coming at it from different places. He has a problem being able to see things from my side sometimes. To him it’s not a bachelor party which I think is so not true and it’s just a group of friends taking a trip together to spend time together. Ummm does it need to be such an extravagent trip?! Doesn’t this Groomsmen have other things to spend his money on like that custom house he and his SO want to build?! He just doesn’t understand why I might possibly be jealous. He kept saying that I went to Italy for 3 months (literally right after we met and I had had it booked long before I knew him) and then to Barcelona for a week six months later to visit a friend. I paid my own way though and when we went to Italy I barely knew him! When I went to Barcelona to visit a friend, got free accomodation with her, and she certainly didn’t pay my way for anything! He just gets so black and white about things. I know if the tables were turned he’d be really excited for me and so he expects me to be the same, but I’m not.
It’s silly because I’m so excited about getting married and sharing our lives together I feel like I’m almost getting cheated out of stuff when he gets to do something like this. I want to be there to share it with him. I want to have these big experiences with him.
Now he’s just texted to say he’ll be late from work tonight and he’s working all weekend but he’s going to try to wrap up early tomorrow so we can spend some time together before we go to a friend’s birthday party. Great. All aboard the train to lonely town!
Post # 5
If I had a rich friend who was offering to pay for a trip I would hope that my fiance would be excited for me to go. Tth GM probably knows that if he wants his friends to travel with him-he’s going to have to pay and I guess if he has that kind of money then I think it’s nice for him to do that for his friends. Fiance and I have been together for 9 years though, so I’m kind of over the whole we have to travel and do everything together. he went to Ireland for 2 weeks, and I just didn’t feel like going so he went with another couple we are friends with. lol.
*edit-I want to add that I understand your side too.
Post # 6
i would feel the same way as you. and then i’d feel guilty for not being happy for my guy!! so many mixed feelings- i totally understand what you’re going through. my Fiance was planning his bach party (i originally wasn’t going to do a bachelorette) but i thought- hey if he’s going away i may as well too. so my girls and i go and book the whole thing- and then his totally disorganized groomsmen were like “oops that weekend doesn’t work for everyone.” UGH! my Fiance works a ton during the week, so i really value my weekend time with him, and then because those guys couldn’t get their sh*t together now i lose 2 weekends right before we are getting married??? i know it’s not as much time as you are looking at, but i too am feeling frustrated with what seems like unnecessary away time!
Post # 7
I’m not much help with the trip situation, but I can join you in “lonely town”… I completely understand how bad it sucks when your SO is working constantly… Jason has been working 20 hour days most days and when he’s not he’s working 12 hour days and going home to bed after… and on top of that we’ve had people staying at our house so when I am “home alone” I feel awkward being in our own house and just stay in our bedroom with the dog all night. And on top of that he has bowling on Wednesdays… yup, boy time. I don’t get time with him but he gets BOY TIME?! (I think this might be where alot of your jealousy of the trip comes into play, he can make a whole weeks worth of time for his friends but can’t make much time at all for you?!… I’d be pissed).
Try to keep yourself busy, work out, take up a new hobby (or an old hobby)… And just be honest with him, maybe tell him it’s not so much about the TRIP but the TIME, your feeling really lonely these days and you need to reconnect with him more often.
I told Jason how I felt, and he was supposed to work last night, and we had ONE night of the house to ourselves, he wanted to spend time with me (alone for once)so he took the night off, and we went out to dinner and watched tv on the couch, it was SOOOO nice to just have that time, and that he did that for me… SUPER SWEET!
Post # 8
I would be pi$$ed if someone gave Fiance a ‘wedding present’ that was a trip for HIM to go away without ME for an entire week. Other than that, I think it’s his decision whether or not he should accept the gift from his friend, which is very generous. If I were you, I would demand ‘half’ of the ‘gift’ (figure out a monetary value) and spend that on a new wardrobe or a trip with my GF’s.
I also understand about him spending a week in Europe without you. Your trip doesn’t seem like it was under the same circumstances. I also get annoyed with the guys destination bachelor parties, or WHATEVER they want to call it. If it’s guys only, it’s a bachelor party in my mind.
Nights out or trips with friends are important, but you two need to discuss them as a couple beforehand and agree if it should happen in the first place. If he’s this busy at work, I think he should discuss with you first before committing to a week away. Fiance always asks me for my blessing before committing to plans, unless it’s a ‘routine’ guys night out. By ‘routine’, I mean the once or twice a month all the guys get together.
So I think you definitely have a reason to be upset, but whether or not he accepts such a generous gift is up to him.
Post # 9
Whoa. Alright, I can totally see both sides of this.
On your fiancee’s side: free AWESOME trip! That’s really generous of his friend to pay for all that. It would be a great “bonding time,” no doubt, and I’m sure they’d have a ton of fun. And sure, it’s a great wedding present… for him.
ON your side: I’m sure you’re right smack dab in the middle of wedding planning. Right in the thick of it. And for him to be gone for a week isn’t really okay. I’m sure the trip is still going to cost him money, either meals out or something. And stuff ain’t cheap when it adds all up and like you said, money isn’t growing on trees for you right now. I really hate when Mr. KM is gone for a week too, so I totally understand that part! It’s not really fair for him to go to EUROPE of all places when you’re getting married soon, does he realize he can’t fairly do that once you’re married? I’m afraid this is going to set a precedent even before you get hitched.
Post # 10
Id be upset too. My fiance i don’t think would want to do something that extravagant without me. Wow what a tough situation for you. Don’t feel bad about your feelings.. I’m with you on the jealousy and anger.
Post # 11
I don’t think it matters whether it’s a bachelor party or not – what bothers you is that he is going on an expensive trip to Europe by himself. Each couple has to figure out what they’re comfortable with, but it’s good to have ground rules on this. For us, something like this would be out of the question. In my eyes, getting married means you no longer take long trips by yourself. It’s one of the things you give up. Fiance and I have discussed it and are on the same page about it. I would maybe make an exception for a local weekend trip – but a European adventure? Hell no.
I’m not saying that this is the right approach, but it’s right for Fiance and me. So you just need to figure out what’s right for you two. Actually, maybe it’s good that this situation came up before the wedding. Look at it as a chance to figure out how you are going to deal with these situations in the future and what the rules for you guys are going to be.
PS Are you friends with his friends? In your situation I would totally try to tag along.
Post # 12
Awww HUGS! Whenever I see a post titled “feeling jealous” or something like that, I always expect to read about some really rude thing a bee has done hoping for others to support her.
I totally agree with you!! Man, that sucks!! Have you been to Europe before?
As jealous as you rightfully should be, if this is something his friend is offering to do for him, I think you should let him go. Do you have any idea how happy he will be to go and how appreciative he will be to have such an awesome fiance who will let him jaunt off for a quick FREE european vaca before the wedding? If he had to pay, then I would think that this could be something that you could really have a firm argument about ($5K is a lot of money!), but in this case, just let him go (AND MAKE HIM PROMISE TO TAKE YOU TO EUROPE SOON!!)
Post # 13
If this is not a bachelor party then go with him……see how he reacts when you tell him that….good news honey I’m coming with! since this is not a bachelor party….HA! I bet he won’t like this. I would probably freak out if something like this happens to me, I would say NO you are not going anywhere! but that’s me 😉 Tell him to go to Vegas for a weekend and call it a day.
Post # 14
I’d be jealous too, but c’mon, give the guy a break and let him go on this trip of a lifetime. It’s an amazing opportunity for him, and you should try to suck it up and give him your blessing to have an awesome time in Europe with his friends.
Post # 15
Hmmm…I can only speak from personal experience, but maybe this will give you some insight.
My Fiance is also going away for his Bachelor party (Vegas) and his guys are paying for it. I think that if it’s been offered it’d be crazy not to accept something like that! I would!
I on the otherhand, will be going to Miami with my BMs but none of the girls are paying for it. Admittedly I was a bit bummed at first, but then again, I should never expect anyone to pay for something like that. If they do, great, if they don’t, no big deal. However, my Fiance offered to help me pay for the trip because he really wanted me to have just as fun of a weekend with my girls as he will have on his, which was amazing for him.
But those are our circumstances, not yours. What I’m trying to get at is, I know why you might be feeling jealous, but you can’t let that get in the way of your Fiance having an awesome trip with his guys. Who knows what life will throw at you after the wedding (finances, babies, etc), so let him have his fun while he can! If you can manage to round up the girl troup for a weekend of fun somewhere, that might you feel a bit more equal? Plus, you can have just as much fun with your ladies, no matter where it is or how much it costs!
As for feeling lonely when he is around – honesty is the best policy. Don’t bring up the Euro trip as a point, otherwise he might just feel like your guilt tripping him about that. Instead, suggest that you two spend more time together for date nights, dinner, etc.
Post # 16
While I totally understand your side of things (and would probably be pissed too), I have to put myself in your FIs position. If that was me and a close friend offered to pay for a European Vacation for me, hell yeah I’d want to go. It’s not like you’ve never been to Europe or something like that, which then it would be not OK at all. But you have. I know you want to travel together and if he was spending his own money on it I would say that it’s totally unacceptable, but he isn’t spending his/your money. It’s free for him, and how the Groomsmen chooses to spend his money is kinda not your business.
Example: in October I wanted to go to a music festival in Palm Springs (not Europe, but across the country to a nice place) with one of my besties and some other people. Fiance, like you, was pissed at first, but eventually he realized that it was important to me and I really wanted to go and he ended up being happy that I was able to do it and had a fantastic time. I’m not a believer that when in a relationship, you need to do every single thing you do together. I think it’s important to have time alone with friends. For me, it’s healthy and normal to do your own thing sometimes. If I didn’t have time away sometimes, I would end up resentful. Just something to think about.