Post # 1
I’ve been a lurker for a while but first time posting. I’m recently engaged (for about 3 months – wow!) and am getting married summer ’12.
I’ve had a very laid back attitude about planning so far but because of that, I feel like I haven’t gotten a say in anything but the location – and I’m the bride! Both my mother and Future Mother-In-Law have kind of taken over and I feel like I can’t get control back of my wedding unless I become bridezilla. The band was chosen for me (and a deposit is already down) – and I like them a lot, but I feel like I missed out on getting to choose. The engagement party is causing issues – Fiance, mother, and Future Mother-In-Law all keeping vetoing the days I want.
The next hurdle is the photographer – Future Mother-In-Law is insisting on using a family friend that just did FSIL’s wedding this year. Future Mother-In-Law believes family friend will be hurt if we don’t use him – I think I agree. The proofs are fine but so many people have so many beautiful, creative wedding pictures – even just simple ones of the bride and groom looking at each other. No – FSIL’s proofs are all just people smiling in front of a camera. He even sent all of the uncut video footage to Future Sister-In-Law and told her to choose which parts she wants to keep – I want a photo-/videographer who can edit videos on his own!
I’m venting here because I feel like i can’t share this with mother or Future Mother-In-Law. Mother and Future Mother-In-Law don’t get along so if my mother knew I felt this way about the photographer, she would insist I find a different one – but I’m concerned about insulting a family friend of Future Mother-In-Law. I love Fiance very much and if I told him all of this, I know he would 100% be on my side but I also don’t want to cause an unnecessary fight between Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law. I don’t want to be a bridezilla but I feel like I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to make everyone happy and not even thinking about what I want and I don’t know how to change this trend – I’m just bummed and not having any fun with this when I feel like I should be.
Anyone have any advice for me? Even specfically about the photographer who we’ve yet to book officially?
Post # 3
That is tough. Sorry it is ruining your experience. I think you need to put your foot down now before it gets to the day of your wedding and you are unhappy. There is still time to take this thing over.
You need to do it respectfully and acknowledge all they are doing to help but emphasize that it is your day and you want to have say on the final decision making.
Post # 4
It’s tough – especially if you are not the one footing the bill for all of these things. I have found that even though me and my Fiance are paying for the entire thing ourselves, the opinions of other people have really surprised me.
Have you put together some sort of a collage of inspiration pictures and things for your wedding? Maybe if you showed them what you are looking for, they might go more in the right direction?
Another thing you could do is just start finding vendors on your own and tell Future Mother-In-Law and your mom that you have already found someone.
Chances are, you or your Fiance are going to have at least one or two heated discussions about the planning. I would just do your best to be considerate and keep a level head during them so that you don’t say something you’ll regret years down the road. I know it’s easier said than done – but something you can strive for.
Post # 5
I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling that way, but it is wonderful that you have so many people willing to help out with your wedding planning. When we started to plan our wedding we were running into a lot of uninvited opinions and forced expectations.
Finally I decided to have a dinner party where we could get everyone together and explain to everyone what our vision of our wedding was. We asked our families what parts they would like to help with. Once everyone understood what we wanted from our wedding day and they all had “jobs” to do things went very well.
Maybe you should do something similar it’s a lot easiser to manage your vision when you keep everyone busy working towards it. It sounds like your family is just really excited for you and wants to do whatever they can to help you out (even if their help is a little mis guided)
Is there anyway that you could hire a professional photographer and have your family friend there as well (if he is a family friend why not invite him to the wedding and ask him to bring his camera along to get “all of the shots that your pro might miss”)
Post # 6
I am guessign that both mothers have been putting money into this. I had similar problems except Future Mother-In-Law only contributed what she thought was traditional. You need to have some voice in this. The onyl things I cared about were the flowers and centerpieces. And yes I was called a bridezilla for putting my foot down about those. I also had dueling mothers and it was not always an easy task. Have atalk with them sooner rather than later.
As for the photographer I can understand how you feel. Mine was gifted to me as well. It was a family friend and I am editing the pics myself. In the end it will be about you and your husband and that is what matters. Stick to what is important to you and let go of the rest.
Post # 7
It may be frustrating, but I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law and Mother only want the best for you, and they probably think they are just helping. Especially because you were being more laid back it gave them the opportunity to step in and now are not giving you enough freedom.
For the photographer, I would be honest but polite. You have a different style from Future Sister-In-Law, and want to shop around and hope to find someone who is more unique. Have a discussion with them, and make sure you stand your ground because it will help shape the rest of your experience.
I’m pretty quiet and tend to go with the flow, so I often find it stressful dealing with people and vendors who are pulling in the other direction. I try to imagine that I am playing the role of someone who is more outgoing, and also try to remember that as long as you are polite disagreeing with someone is probably not going to cause them to snap.