Post # 1
This is a post just to vent…
My boyfriend asked me this morning if there is anything that I would like for Christmas and I couldn’t think of anything. Truely, I am happy with what I have. Then he says “You really need to get a hobby or something!” That started this down mood. I don’t have any hobbies… is that weird? My life is just work, school, and family.
Then that got me thinking about my friends. We have all grown apart so much that we don’t see each other all that often. And that’s okay, but I can’t help but feel super down when I log into FB and see people posting pictures with their friends. Everyone is getting married, having babies, or focusing on their career (in my case) so it makes scheduling friend time difficult.
I’ve also been feeling kinda down in my relationship lately. I just don’t feel that spark, that chemistry, any more. I know relationships have their ups and downs. I’m longing for that lovey stage again. I just feel a little distant lately. Maybe it’s just me? Everything is fine in our relationship, in fact he recently picked out a ring (!!!) and is saving up for it. I just feel disconnected from him.
Eh, I know this is just a big ‘ole vent, but it feels good to get it out and tell someone… because I’m not as close as I once was with my best girl friends so I can’t tell them all this. That’s why I have you Bees 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant
Sorry you are feeling this way, but I think it is completely normal! As we get older and out of the college years, it is so much harder to make and stay close with friends. I put A LOT of effort into keeping up with my old friends and make new ones through work and meetup groups, but sometimes I feel like my time and effort is just not getting me as close to people as I used to be able to. Plus being busy with work and boyfriends make it hard to have time for friends and hobbies! I know a lot of women our age that feel the same way as this!
Some suggestions: Maybe you and your boyfriend could take a class or do something new together weekly. My finace and I started taking a ballroom dancing class once a week and it was a lot of fun and spiced things up. I would also recommend finding a meetup group. I have met lots of great women on meetup that are in the same boat and had a lot of fun. It’s still hard to make close friendships (those take time) but getting into a new hobby with other girls in your area, like linedancing or a book club, can make you feel a little bit more energized about life.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re feeling down – big hug!
I’ve also been feeling quite disconnected from my friends. I have a group of friends that I’ve known since elementary school and while they were always tighter together than with me – because I have a few circles of friends and they primarily hang out with each other – I’ve really been feeling like an afterthought lately. They either haven’t been inviting me to things or they’ll invite me very last minute (as in, when it starts and they realize they’ve forgotten me).
My SO, who’s 28 (I’m 26) says it’s normal to lose touch with friends as we get older and busier with our lives.
But you know what? I find that the people who really matter will keep in touch. Obviously you have to make an effort too, but the ones who are true friends will keep in touch. Maybe you’ll only see each other a few times a year, but each time you meet you’ll pick right up where you left off as if no time has passed. Even if hanging out may be infrequent, you truly spend quality time with them. 🙂
RE: Hobbies, I have too many, and it sucks having to cut almost everything out because I have to focus on work/my relationship/exercising/etc. Oh well!
RE: Lovey feeling – I think it takes a concerted effort from both parties to maintain this. Both sides need to be game to preserve it by complimenting each other, being affectionate, doing nice things for each other, etc. But it’s totally natural for the initial OMG-I’m-so-overwhelmed-with-love stage to calm down, I think. Just make sure you make time for each other and make time to go out on dates as opposed to sitting at home doing nothing all the time! (This is something I need to work on, too.)
Post # 5
@pinkrose23: I know how you feel. I have grown apart (and live far away!) from most of my friends, it does get pretty lonely. Do you work out at all? I have never really been an active person, but started going to pilates classes with my FMIL, and then joined a gym and go to classes all the time with a couple girls from school. It helped me become closer with them. We still aren’t BFF or anything, but it is nice to feel like part of a group and I enjoy myself! I feel so much better about my health (recently diagnosed with osteopenia at 26!) and love seeing results. The past few weeks I have been slacking off and have been feeling very depressed, bored, and stressed. I went to a class yesterday and already feel so much better. Plus, you can never have too many cute workout outfits- new outfits motivate me to go and they make good gifts!
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I just started taking Belly Dancing and … I love it! Totally random thing to do, basically I agreed b/c a friend asked me to and it’s a good excuse to go have a beer afterwards. But here I am, getting sort of into it!
People mention Meetup a lot. Check into that!
Post # 7
How long have you been feeling down? Have you lost interest in doing things? If you’re feeling kinda meh about everything lately it could be a sign of depression. I have lots of interests and hobbies, but I pretty much stopped doing all of them when I was depressed. If you’re really focusing on your career you could be stressing yourself out. It might help to take some me time and reground yourself.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the replies everyone!
@Eckle: I have actually suffered from depression in the past and that is a fear of mine. I don’t want to slip into that state again, but I definiely don’t feel as bad as I did when I had depression, I thnk it’s a just a minor case of the blues 🙂
@prahajess: it’s funny that you mention belly dancing because I just found a gym nearby me that offers belly dancing and pole dancing(!!) classes and thought it would be really fun to join!
I will definiely check out meet up, it sounds like you ladies have found a lot of fun activies through there! And that you for the reassuarnce about friendships. I do have a couple of really close friends whom I see a few times a year, but it’s like you said, we pick up where we left off.
Ah, thank you bees!!! This is the pick-me-up that I needed!!
Post # 9
Sometimes life just wears you down. I was feeling that way a few days ago. Try shaking up your routine a bit. Go for a hike. visit a museum, read a new book, volunteer at a nursing home, check out some new music, try some new recipes. There is a world out there honey! Your boyfriend was bemoaning your lack of hobbies because people with hobbies are easy to buy gifts for and he apparrently needs gift ideas!
Post # 10
@pinkrose23: Sounds like maybe you are a bit disconnected from yourself. You haven’t been making yourself happy. Do you have any “me” time away from everything? One night a week I have a date night with myself. I take a hot shower or bath and put on a nice robe and light a candle and read in my bed. It’s totally alone time and undisturbed. I even bought myself nice sheets. Maybe you just need to do something nice for yourself!
Post # 11
@VikingPrincess: I really like this idea! I will definitely try this!
Post # 12
@pinkrose23: Agreed! It’s important to take time for yourself a little bit every week, and it feels good 😉 On the note of activities, is there anything that interests you or gets you excited? Jot down some ideas and go with your gut on what you want to try!
I understand about the depression…have been through it myself and sometimes worry it will come back. But luckily I try to control it by constantly putting myself out there, going to activities (choir and drumming) even when I’m feeling blue. (Remember Legally Blonde? Exercise gives endorphins, endorphins make you happy! Silly but true fact). Sometimes even when you’d rather stay at home just the actions of getting ready and going out, interacting with people brightens your day by forcing you to not dwell on yourself.
Ask friends or try meetup to find some awesome groups!! And good luck!!