Feeling like a bad person …

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
13003 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

LoveMyMister:  Don’t feel bad.  I think it’s pretty normal and you are entitled to your feelings.  I gotta admit do the same for anyone who has trouble with conceiving after the first.  Yes it’s hard, but like you, I think the same – you ARE a mother, you at least have one!  I’m sorry, I know it’s hard no matter what, and I hate to minimize it for anyone, but secondary IF is just not the same imo.

Post # 3
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You’re not a bitch, and it’s totally understandable to feel this way. You can’t control your feelings, only your actions. Don’t beat yourself up too much!

Best of luck with the surgery – and I hope baby dust is coming your way!

Post # 4
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I totally get it. I have felt this way before myself. Doesn’t make us monsters, just human.

Post # 5
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You’re not hateful; you’re human. That said, IF sucks no matter when it strikes. Any couple that strongly wants to have a baby and can’t physically do so without significant intervention will hurt in their hearts, whether they already have a child or not. There will always be that empty spot. There will always be that lingering “What if things were different?” There will always be that knowledge of the dream that will never be.

Rather than think of it as a zero sum game, where they already have something you want, try to reframe it in your head as “We’re all in the same boat, so we might as well row together and support one another.” Their success will not take away from you. Rather, let it bouy you through the hard days.

It’s hard. Really hard. Sending lots of good vibes your way.

Post # 7
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

you have no reason to feel bad but i understand why you do. I really hope your surgery is a success and it clears the way for conception!

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