- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I guess I”m just having a hard time….this is a total vent btw..just be warned. I dunno if anyone else had a mom like mine but she’s never quite grasped the reality of being middle class…and that there will NEVER be enough money…not in a million gazillion years. She’s been telling me how broke she is since I was able to walk and talk….and it has never stopped. I for one know I will always have to work hard, I will never be super wealthy…there will be struggles but Ive accepted it and I’m not giong to throw a pity party every first of the month when the rent is due.
Anywayz, so I get engaged and everyone is super happy. My stepfather and family all want very badly for me to have a big wedding…as I’m the first child in the family to get hitched….so anyways, I certainly didn’t determine the idea of a traditional church wedding with a reception of around 100 people on my own. My stepdad has access to money from his wealthy parents and insisted we do it as we had talked about all along.
After the whole hoopla of the engagement settled down…I emmediatly started noticing my mother getting super stressed about the idea of the wedding. She never wanted to talk about it…or help me make any plans. She practically had me sobbing when I chose my dress because she acted like she couldn’t care less. Everytime I make a choice about something she tells me to wait and constantly tries to make me second guess my descisions. She’s always saying how she doesn’t want to work anymore but because of my wedding she has to and how my little sister doesn’t have all the things she needs and has sacrified alot because of my wedding….basically she’s always guilting me.
I litterally didn’t have a wedding date until a year after I got engaged because she wouldn’t let me commit to the church or venue or anything for so long and because they are paying I had to cool my heels forever….so I practically had to harrass her this summer and tell her either we are going to have a traditional wedding like we planned from the day we got engaged or me and my fiance’ will just say the heck with it all a will set a date at our church’s chapel on their next available opening and he and I will just make it official and move on with our lives. Ofcourse she freaks out at the idea of me not having the family be part of our marriage and she finally started with the process. I’m angry because I could be married by now but with all the delays and her reluctance we are still waiting.
Anwayzz..we got into yesterday because I have to make a trip to finish the planning and she started doing the guilt thing. I do have some resentment about my mom’s behavior since I got engaged. You see just a year prior, my sister turned 15 and they had this huge quincenera/15th birthday party…equivalent in magnitude to most the weddings I’ve been to. No one in my family has ever had a qincenera..not me, not anyone since my grandfather came to this country……but something to do with her being my stepdad’s only child, she definently has not wanted for a thing from the day she was born. Well, now I’m engaged and I’m just angry they felt my baby sister was more entitled to a ‘wedding’ than me…..that they were so much more excited about her quince than my wedding. I just feel sometimes like I got the short end of the stick.
I’m not mad at my sister at all because it’s not her fault she gets the royal treatment….but my mom is constantly accusing me of secretly hating my sister…how in the heck could I do that? It just enrages me that she would even suggest that but she does it all the time. My sister is a teenager and can be super rude and sensitive towards people and sometimes I have to ask her to tone it down if I observe her being disrespectful towards an adult…well, she takes it personally, runs to my mom and tells her how mean I am. Typical sister stuff….but how the heck that equates to me hating her..I just dont get. She even said I probably only have her in my wedding so I don’t look bad. GRRRR!!! I couldn’t beleive she said that…it was just hateful and unforgivable. I’m so angry at my mom for treating me so bad during this whole process….I just want to give up some days. =(
Sorry for the vent…had to get it out.