(Closed) Feeling like a horrible mother to be

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would be feeling the same way. Selfish, embarassed, angry, torn, frustrated. I haven’t been there, but I know myself.

Give yourself some time to adjust, I think with time, you’ll find a balance.

good luck!

Post # 4
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m really sorry you feel that way, but you aren’t alone! I ended up pregnant, with just a boyfriend, and while the baby was a blessing, I was upset too. I remember sitting in my room with my mom and sister and bawling because I would no longer get to do the things I wanted. Like travel the world. Even though I didn’t really want to do that before, the thought that I couldn’t made me sad. And the timing and conditions weren’t right. But I think part of it is that you are really emotional. And trying to balance a lot of things. Keep going with your normal life (I know it is hard, I worked full time and was in school full time), but take some time for just you and your Fiance and your growing baby. Focus just on that for 1 day a week. I read pregancy books every Sunday evening and it made me feel better and get excited. Becuase when you put everything else behind you, bad timing, work, planning a wedding, the pregnancy is amazing. I think that would help you. And keep your chin up. You will feel better and you will enjoy the pregnancy as you keep going.

Sorry I wrote a book, and sorry if it isn’t what you were really looking for! But know that you aren’t the only one out there that feels that way.

Post # 5
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m glad you have weddingbee to vent to!  Congrats on your pregnancy and I know you are going to be so happy when the little one arrives!  I can’t say that I know how you feel b/c I’m already married and no where close to being pregnant….but…I kind of can relate…in a small minute way. lol  So, my Darling Husband and I are taking a honeymoon next November (11 months after we were married).  I have been looking forward to this honeymoon SOOOOO much.  Literally, it’s my saving grace to keep my mind occupied during our long distance marriage.  The other day it popped into my head that oh my gosh…I could potentially have an “oopsie” and get pregnant before the honeymoon and got soooo scared and paranoid.  Actually the oopsie would have to happen in the next few days b/c I won’t be seeing him for another 3 1/2 months…sniff sniff… Anyway,  I felt soooo bad that I dreaded getting pregnant just for the reason of not wanting my honeymoon to be spoiled.  I think sometimes us gals get so focused and wrapped up in our wedding/honeymoon plans that any other “surprise” potentially scares the heck out of us!  In the end, if there is an oppsie, I’ll consider it a HUGE blessing because I’ve known since I was 16 that getting pregnant might be a difficulty (endo).

Post # 6
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

 Ok Im gonna be brutally honest. And this is only because I am a mother of a 2 year old who just got married two weeks ago. I am married to my babys dad and we found out we were pregnant at 19 and 20 years old. I was embarressed, ashamed and angry at myself. At the time I was a full time college student also working a 3-4 hr shift at night in retail. I was so ashamed of being pregnant I didnt tell anyone until I was about 5 months along which was the WORST thing I could have ever done! When everyone found out they were shocked but none the less knew that a baby is a blessing no matter how, where, or when it comes. I did it too. I went to school with my big ‘ol belly and worked. The plans for my wedding and myself where pushed off into the future. My child was born 2 months early and was in the NICU. The moment you see you child go through something so aweful you realize that nothing, I mean NOTHING comes close to the love you feel for them. All of the sudden I wasnt ashamed, angry or dreamed anything “wedding”. He is now a healthy 24 lbs (still a little small!) 2 year old.

 I FINALLY got my wedding two weeks ago and honestly. Its true when they say “Its only one day”. Even though my Fiance and I went into debt for this wedding and spent countless hours on tiny details, everything mostly went unnoticed. Im not trying to sound harsh or negative but you will realize the day after your wedding that its not all its cracked up to be to everyone else. The best part of your day will be saying your vows to the man you love and father of your child. Yes, your reception will be fun and you will laugh and think “This is the best day of my life” but i garauntee you, holding the tiny baby inside of you for the first time will be a million times more special and fun. I know it was for me.

  Good luck girly! Dont be ashamed. In my babys scrapbook I have a pic of me holding him for the first time and underneath it says “However motherhood comes to you, its a blessing”. Tell everyone! Tell the world! and be proud on your wedding day. =)

Post # 7
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I’m glad you feel like you can get your feelings out here! Everyone needs somewhere πŸ™‚ Don’t ever feel ‘bad’ for your emotions – they are normal and natural! Who says what the ‘right’ way to feel is. Many pregnant women and couples spend a bit of time ‘mourning’ their old selves.  This is a natural. And it shows you have the maturity to realize this is a MAJOR life change. I’m more scared about the folks that are happy go lucky completely clueless to what they are in for πŸ™‚  Babies are wonderful – but they are a helluva lot of work and sacrifice πŸ™‚

I asked my hubby the other night if he was ‘scared’ at all. He said ‘yeah’ and so I pushed for what he was scared about. His reply ‘Not being able to be selfish anymore’. We’re all a little (or lot :)) selfish. I told him that hopefully it would be a change he wouldn’t even notice once the baby is here because he’d be doing it out of love.

Honestly for me as far as the ‘pregnancy’ goes and bonding moments etc – I felt pretty disconnected until about 20 weeks.  Until my body shape really changed and I started feeling movement it was ‘intangible’.  And even now as excited as I am I’m not the type to play music for the baby, or read to the baby, or even talk to the baby that much.  EVERYONE is different with how they bond and prepare – so don’t feel like you’re not loving your baby if you don’t do what you ‘think’ you should or ‘read others are doing’.

You have 9 months to be ready to mommy and love on this baby with all your heart and soul. And some folks take that long πŸ™‚ Just take your time and do what you feel is best for you right now πŸ™‚  Focus on this wedding and celebrating your love with your fiance and family and friends. Do what you can to take care of your body for this baby by eating right, drinking water, and getting the sleep you can! Without even realizing I’m sure you’ll find your excitement for baby growing when the time is right!

Post # 8
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry you’re so torn.  Honestly, I don’t think you sound selfish or bad at all but you’re just dealing with a big and unexpected change in life, even if the news is mainly joyful. 

I feel so bad you’re trying to do this by yourself.  My cousin did that, didn’t tell anyone till she had the baby, just did a fabulous job of hiding it, but she had a lot to work out then after the baby was born.  Is there just one friend, mentor, or family member (sister, grandmother, mom) to help you bear your news.  Not that it’s awful news, it sounds like your little one will be plenty loved but your little one is big news and a lot to take in and you probably need to talk about it in person with a good female friend. 


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