Feeling like a huge failure as a cat mama (very long sad vent)

posted 3 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

As a cat lover , I’m so sorry your going through this 🙁 I’m not sure if its the same cos I definitely wouldn’t say raffa (3yr old male whose ginger) is or behaves ferrel but he turns at a switch and will be enjoying a pat then suddenly gets annoyed and swipes at me, not sure how many times he’s scratched us up! We joke its like playing Russian roulette. So I’m not sure if maybe that’s just in your cats nature? Sometimes they get “over patted” and need to be left alone. I know I’ve over done it when raffa turns on me. So i leave him alone. But if he literally scratches u when your asleep that’s a bit psycho 🙁 so sorry for you 🙁 it’s so hard ay

Post # 5
52 posts
Worker bee

I’m wondering if he might have a traumatic brain injury stemming from his accident. People change dramatically with TBI. Antipsychotics and antianxiety meds do not help in most cases. Pretty sure that the same thing could happen with a cat….that being said, I have a bipolar kitty who was born to a barn cat. I’ve known her since birth and she has always had some pretty extreme mood swings, from cuddly and loving to aggressive and hateful with no known trigger.


I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. You sound like a great cat momma. He has some undiagnosed issues going on here….sadly while something might eventually be identified there isn’t always a cure.

Post # 6
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Have you tried Feliway? they do sprays and plug ins. Our vet recommends it all the time for all sorts of cat issues – from not settling, to scratching, to aggression. Might be worth a try! I used it to settle my cat – I plugged it in in the room where he spends most of his time, and it really seemed to calm him down. 

Other than that, as a Brit I think it’s unfair to keep cats indoors, so I would recommend letting him go outside – but I know that most of the Americans on this board would likely shoot me down for that!

Post # 7
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I don’t thinl that letting him be anoutdoor kitty is the answer. falling outside triggered these issues, and it sounds like he is a little mentally unstable which probably means he wouldn’t be able to navigate living outside as easily as a “normal” kitty. I would also suggest Feliway. It really helps take the edge off my cat when he gets nervous.

I would also recommend getting a tall cat tree or shelves. If you get him something high that he can get on he will feel moe in control of his world: he can watch what ishappening without feeling like he will get trampled. I saw this on the show “My Cat from Hell” and tried it with my semi bi-polar, scardy cat. His attitude has changed so much since I got it. He is more confident and he doesn’t hide under the bed nearly as much. My guess is that if he really like this new spot hewill be less likely to try to run out th door also.

My guess for why he attacked you at night is that you probably rolled on him. Giving him somewhr nearby your bed so that he can be near but not on you might help this.

Playing with him more will also help boost his confidence and help get rid of frustrated energy so that he is less likely to take out agression on you or the other cat. Think of it like punching a punching bag when you are upset about something.

I really hope that these suggestions help. I think euthanasia and surgical intervention should be an absolute last option. Franky I am frustrated that your vet recommended drugs and this as your only options. Good luck!

Post # 9
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Your cat is not evil. Cats only act like this when they are trying to tell us something is wrong. All the above suggestions are good. Making sure he has space of his own is a great idea. Do you feed treats? My cats love me a lot more since I started feeding treats.

Post # 10
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I should have said in my first response that the fact that you’re worrying and investigating makes you a good cat mama! 

Might not solve everything, but could boredom be part of it? I hide some of my cat’s toys away for a couple of weeks, then bring them out again and he goes crazy over them. His favourite is the catit senses play track – he spends hours playing with it on his own (I hear it at night when I wake up). 

Post # 12
10 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t really have any advice, but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck, this is such a hard problem to deal with. I have a female cat who has anxiety issues and used to display many of the behaviors you are seeing. Fortunately she has mellowed out in her old age (she’s 8), but she still acts feral when she escapes outside. If it’s an option in your FI’s house, you might want to consider building a cat enclosure like this: http://cuckoo4design.blogspot.com/2012/05/cuckoo-for-my-cats.html

Post # 13
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014


Sorry you are going through this, it must be very difficult.  Not sure if these are close to you, but there are two veterinary behaviourists in Australia:



There is more to managing an aggressive cat than putting them on anti-anxiety medications, although that can be part of it.  A veterinary behaviourist would be better suited to helping you come up with a plan for managing Ari’s aggression and give you the best chance at success.

Post # 15
7284 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@krayzay87:  Some cats can only ever be a one pet household animal. it seems like this might be Ari. Contact the RSPCA and get him rehomed. Let them know the problems and that he should be taken into a single pet dwelling.

They will do an assessment and if he really does have an agression problem then they will try to find a special needs carer (like us we take the cats that no one else will have and get all of our cats through the RSPCA), a cat santuary or if he is really bad then he will be put down just like a dog that is a threat would.

Unfortunately we forget that our pets are animals and do sometimes act just like animals in the wild would. It is no ones fault it is just their nature.

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