Feeling like a Piece of my Heart Breaks After Each Cycle :(

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@chelles07:  I’m so sorry! I know how difficult the process can be and how hard it is when people minimize the struggle. I also hated when people told me to “relax” or “don’t worry about it so much.” I don’t know if you get this as well.

Doing things like adjusting my diet, making healthier choices, taking prenatals, etc., helped me to keep my spirits up. It may or may not increase your chances of fertility but it helped me to keep both focused but not feel defeated. It may or may not work for you, if you’re not already trying new things 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really sorry. I haven’t been in your situation so won’t pretend to understand, but I can only imagine how tough it must be. Just wanted to provide some sympathy. 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry! I can’t even imagine feeling like you do.

I hope you get your BFP soon (and that your sister will go “Hey, maybe this is WILDLY inappropriate to say to my sister who has been TTC for over a year”)

Post # 6
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m with you. I’m on cycle 7 currently and was really hopeful. AF is late, longest LP I’ve ever had (by days) but all tests are BFN. Today my temperature did a nosedive and I started crying. I just want a baby. I have no known issues (other than I’m old – I’ll be 39 next month) and it’s getting really frustrating.

Post # 7
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m so sorry, I’m not far behind you on cycle 10 with one MC under my belt. It’s so hard and each cycle it just gets a bit harder. I’ve been staying away from the boards because it’s difficult to see all the BFPs, especially the ladies that stop BC and magically become pregnanty in cycle 1. You are not alone. I hope you get your BFP soon. Sending you positive thoughts!

Post # 9
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Aww I’m so sorry, I know I’d be depressed too! Keep your head up and try to stay calm. Stop charting if you need to so you don’t stress yourself out. Theres always all those theories that it happens when you stop trying. I think all of thats because of the stress. Have you thought about getting your DH tested as well – maybe theres something he could do to give those little guys an extra oomph? Keep your head up! I hope you get your BFP soon! 

Post # 10
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. I have a good friend and cousin going through this as well, and sometimes you just need a ear to vent to. I hope you get some answers at your appointment, and a beautiful solid BFP soon. *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Aww love I’m sorry. *hugs* Take a me day. You need it. I really hope get your bfp soon! Good luck at your appt.

Post # 12
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

*hugs*. I’m so sorry hun. I don’t think there is anything that any of us can say that will make this easier for you, but we are all here for you. Your feelings are totally justified, and sometimes just having a place to vent is helpful. I know how much it stings to have people ask you when the babies are coming and you’ve been trying unsuccessfully. For people I knew fairly well, I’d often say “apparently it’s not as easy as they told us in sex ed!!” or something to that affect. It kind of broke the ice and told them to F off at the same time. 😉 Otherwise, I’d ask them when they wanted to be our surrogate because I wasnt ready to carry around a belly for 9 months lol.

Honestly, it’s a hard, frustrating process. We had a little struggle to get pregnant too, and I know how much it hurts to have another month go by without a BFP. I am glad you’re seeing your dr tmrw and can ask more questions.

My only advice is, try to go back to putting your marriage first. I found it to be extremely helpful to plan something fun for the two of us each month, to look forward to, as a distraction from TTC. It didn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, but a dinner out on the town, movie night, a dinner with friends, a stay-cation, long weekend away etc.

I also kept up with things I loved, and ventured into new things to pass the time and keep the TTC thoughts from totally taking over. I started doing yoga once a week, planning a girls night here and there and doing things for ME. I always looked into what was happening in our city on the weekend, and made an effort to go to festivals, galleries etc, just to pass the time and do something new and exciting with DH.

As silly as it sounds, it was amazing how much something simple like a bubble bath with a huge glass of wine would do to just make me take a step back, and know everything would eventually be okay. Take ME time as often as you can get it. Take a walk, a run, an hour at a starbucks with your favorite magazine… just time for YOU.

As for the sex – I am not sure I can offer any suggestions. When DH and I were TTC and had months of long irregular cycles (And BD’ing EOD for like WEEKS at a time), we realyl failed at keeping things “fun” or interesting. The only thing I found to be helpful was to take a break when I really, really didn’t feel like doing the deed. If I needed a night off, or DH did, we just slept. I stopped feeling guilty and crazy wonderging “what if tonight was THE night?” and just listened to my body. Don’t feel bad if you need a night, or a week, or a month (or more) off from “trying” to get things back in order. I think when you’ve been trying for as long as you have, it’s perfectly normal to feel that way about sex and I have to admit, I never found a way to get our groove back. Aside from that, you can open up to your DH about it and see what he’s feeling about it all, and if there is anything he would like to try to spice thing up. I did find that changing up locations was key… not just getting it on in bed, but at least starting the process in other places like the couch, the car (dont’ ask lol) or the kitchen helped us get a great BD session in while making it feel “spontaneous” at the same time!

We are all here for you – you will get your BFP. When, how, through what means are all unknowns. Lean on us all for support. XOXO *hugs*

Post # 13
Member
8821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t have a lot of advice, but I do want to give you a giant hug.

I think about you very often and always check up on you here. I know you’re going to be an amazing mom and I pray it happens for you soon.  I hope your doctor can give you some answers and direct you where to go from here.

 

Post # 14
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally get where you are coming from. I think we may have started TTC around the same time, as I am heading into my 11th cycle and it gets harder every month to accept this is our reality. 

 

Since we hadn’t told anyone we were TTC, we hadn’t told anyone we were struggling until recently. We recently told my MIL because she kept making annoying comments about having babies to us – so we told her to shut her up. I also had one very annoying and unhelpful friend who kept making unsolicited comments about getting pregnant to me, so I told her. Telling people feels good, but at the same time, makes it more real to admit it and makes me feel sad, too. 

 

I know what you mean about the sex thing. I sometimes find myself in the mentality of “what’s the point….we won’t get pregnant from this” but I try to shut it out and enjoy it for what it is, but it’s definitely different now than it was when we first started trying. I also don’t even like to go out with friends drinking much anymore, because it just makes me feel sad – by now I thought I would be home taking care of a baby (which is what I want, more than anything) and I don’t want to be out partying and drinking anymore. 

 

I totally get what you mean about seeing pregnant women making you feel upset. Last November (right before we started trying) I was at an open enrollment benefits talk at my work, and another woman and I were both asking questions about maternity leave and FMLA – both clearly planning to get pregnant this year. Well, the other day I saw this woman and noticed she is about six months pregnant. It was like a punch in the stomach, to realize she had gotten pregnant as planned and I am still here with my barron womb (ha..). 

 

We’ve been through all the testing and all my tests and results are clear, except for the fact I ovulate late (although they tell me that should not matter) and my husband has a low sperm count (but not so low that it makes conception impossible). My doctor is recommending we start IUI, and I’m wondering if your doctor might recommend that as the next course of action since that seems to be what they recommend for unexplained infertility, too. At first I was so distraught by the fact of not being able to conceive “naturally” but I am at the point now where I don’t care and am so excited and hopeful to start some kind of treatment. Of course, I may feel different depending on the outcome of this treatment (if it doesn’t work, I think I’ll feel even more sad – but for now I have hope anyway). 

 

Anyway, I hope your doctor gives you some positive news or at least a strategy to get pregnant. I try to keep telling myself it will happen and shut out the negative voice that creeps in and tells me it will never happen. It’s hard, I know! If you ever need to talk let me know! Sending you hugs.

 

Post # 15
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m realy sorry to hear about your situation and can totally relate b/c i have been there before ( long story of my life) … have you tried going to a fertility doctor ? maybe trying and IUI getting on clomid ?

with the IUI usually the first try nothing , but the second time with proper timing usually  a success…

Post # 16
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am really sorry to see what you are going through. I wish you get your BFP SOONNNN!! And the next one is your BIG BFP cycle! 

I keep an open dialogue with DH so that whatever I am feeling inside, I let it out. I don’t cry or get emotional. I just state it matter of factly. It actually makes me feel…. umm…. less alone (?) when DH knows EXACTLY what I am going through. I feel like we are in this TOGETHER. It’s not just all ME who is having a problem getting preggo.

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