*hugs*. I’m so sorry hun. I don’t think there is anything that any of us can say that will make this easier for you, but we are all here for you. Your feelings are totally justified, and sometimes just having a place to vent is helpful. I know how much it stings to have people ask you when the babies are coming and you’ve been trying unsuccessfully. For people I knew fairly well, I’d often say “apparently it’s not as easy as they told us in sex ed!!” or something to that affect. It kind of broke the ice and told them to F off at the same time. 😉 Otherwise, I’d ask them when they wanted to be our surrogate because I wasnt ready to carry around a belly for 9 months lol.
Honestly, it’s a hard, frustrating process. We had a little struggle to get pregnant too, and I know how much it hurts to have another month go by without a BFP. I am glad you’re seeing your dr tmrw and can ask more questions.
My only advice is, try to go back to putting your marriage first. I found it to be extremely helpful to plan something fun for the two of us each month, to look forward to, as a distraction from TTC. It didn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, but a dinner out on the town, movie night, a dinner with friends, a stay-cation, long weekend away etc.
I also kept up with things I loved, and ventured into new things to pass the time and keep the TTC thoughts from totally taking over. I started doing yoga once a week, planning a girls night here and there and doing things for ME. I always looked into what was happening in our city on the weekend, and made an effort to go to festivals, galleries etc, just to pass the time and do something new and exciting with DH.
As silly as it sounds, it was amazing how much something simple like a bubble bath with a huge glass of wine would do to just make me take a step back, and know everything would eventually be okay. Take ME time as often as you can get it. Take a walk, a run, an hour at a starbucks with your favorite magazine… just time for YOU.
As for the sex – I am not sure I can offer any suggestions. When DH and I were TTC and had months of long irregular cycles (And BD’ing EOD for like WEEKS at a time), we realyl failed at keeping things “fun” or interesting. The only thing I found to be helpful was to take a break when I really, really didn’t feel like doing the deed. If I needed a night off, or DH did, we just slept. I stopped feeling guilty and crazy wonderging “what if tonight was THE night?” and just listened to my body. Don’t feel bad if you need a night, or a week, or a month (or more) off from “trying” to get things back in order. I think when you’ve been trying for as long as you have, it’s perfectly normal to feel that way about sex and I have to admit, I never found a way to get our groove back. Aside from that, you can open up to your DH about it and see what he’s feeling about it all, and if there is anything he would like to try to spice thing up. I did find that changing up locations was key… not just getting it on in bed, but at least starting the process in other places like the couch, the car (dont’ ask lol) or the kitchen helped us get a great BD session in while making it feel “spontaneous” at the same time!
We are all here for you – you will get your BFP. When, how, through what means are all unknowns. Lean on us all for support. XOXO *hugs*