Post # 1
Hi Ladies! My wedding is 2 months from today… and I feel like I cant talk about it AT ALL around my brother or FSIL. Brother & FSIL got engaged in Feb; they are TALKING about getting married Summer of 2012. FSIL was talking to my Brother the other day and was VERY upset because noone is excited for her wedding yet and she doesnt want to hear anymore about my wedding… (which by the way is hardly ever talked about infront of her because shes not around me THAT much) and she wants me and my mom to sit and help plan her wedding now. She has already bought decorations, finished her broach boquet, got guest book, cake cutting things, unity candle holder, flowergirl basket and has been dress shopping 4 times BEFORE the end of April! And their looking at next August. I know she is excited and and I know its a huge deal but we asked if we could just get through my wedding and we would devote our time to hers & she was hurt and thought we should be more focused on her wedding.
She was talking about dresses today and I started discussing it with her and she has tried on a fit & flare… I said I wished I would have tried one on before mine. Then told her a problem I was having with my dress… she says I dont want to hear about your dress; we are talking about MY wedding and you get to have yours first so YOU need to talk about mine NOW.
I’m just lost; she is a BM and I love her to death; shes so sweet, but the other day she had something about WHY is my wedding 4xx days away? *This was BEFORE I knew there was a problem with discussing my wedding* and I commented, dont worry FSIL it’ll fly by. Mine is only XX days away! After me its you! and my Bro answers… “Ok sis we know your getting married who the hell cares!” I feel like I cant say a word about my wedding to one of my BM because its not about her; I’m beyond over the moon about her marrying my bro but I’m 2mo away from my wedding… Isnt it ok for me to be excited and talk about my wedding?
Disclaimer: I maybe see her 1 or 2 times a week AT THE MOST… and we dont talk about wedding things hardly ever except these last minute details!
Post # 3
You need to say these things to them!! I totally agree with you, there is no reason that you can’t let your wedding be over with before you start working on theirs – it’ll still be a whole year away!!
No advice, other than talk about it with them on a neutral level
Post # 4
Is your brother marrying your future sister in law or is it a coincidence that they’re being weird about this?? Its time for YOU to be excited about your wedding. Maybe tell her fine if she doesn’t want to focus on yours right now but you’re not ready to focus on any wedding but your own until after its over.
Post # 5
@kingytobe: Yes its my brothers fiance and he is usually 100% supportive BUT he doesnt want to listen to her complain..
My mom asked her why she was dress shopping right now when she is wanting to loose a TON of weight before the wedding. (shes right at 6ft tall so she is a big built girl) and she said I like the attention of people saying i’m so pretty in dresses?! Now I UNDERSTAND shes always self conscious and that it probably does make her feel good but thats the wrong way to go about it!
Post # 6
i think she needs some sense slapped into her. sorry for the violence. she should have enough sense and respect for you.
i’m in her shoes. my brother is getting married this august and i’m getting married next year. i’m doing some planning but in no way am i making a bigger deal about mine than theirs. the only time i talk about my wedding is when i ask my future sis in law for advice. i figured she’s been through it so she probably knows. i sort of feel like i really can’t get too excited about mine it until after their wedding is over. i’m having a destination wedding so i’m waiting until after their wedding to send my save the dates.
Post # 7
Hm, I understand both sides. You have a lot of things to do right now… because last minute details are crazy! But she wants to talk about her wedding as well. If I were you, I would try to understand her situation. Of course she will have tons of time to plan… but she shouldn’t stop all planning just because you’re getting married in 2 months. When she talks about her wedding, just help her out with planning. If you have planned something or have insight from your wedding, say something. But if not, there’s no need to bring up your wedding as well. Let her have some time to talk about hers without you bringing up yours. I’m not saying don’t ever talk about it. But seeing her side, it would be nice if she were able to talk about hers without you mentioning yours. It was wrong of her to snap on you though. Geez.
Post # 8
I think that you need to really let her know how you feel. Whether in person or in a letter: Tell her how it feels every time she pushes your wedding aside, or tells you you can’t talk about it. Explain that there are only 2 more months until your wedding and that after that you’ll have 12+ months to talk about hers. Not that you can’t talk about her’s now, but that it should at least be 50/50.
Be clear, be blunt, be nice about it but let her know that she is hurting you.
Post # 9
WHenever I am in situations like this, I try to add in sarcasm or make it a joke. For example, if someone said “who in the hell cares about your wedding” I would say “The same people that care about yours, our family. And since your family I thought you would care a little more about mine” and then if they get a sour face I would just say “geez chill out, its a joke. Dont let weddings get you all so uptight.” Because in the end, they are being crazy jealous and you need to call them out. What if you bring up something about bm hair or makeup..is she going to throw that question out the window and say NO LETS TALK ABOUT MINE. Like for real? Your wedding is first, therefore, needs to be discussed more often (especially when she’s a BM).
Post # 10
I wouldn’t even bother saying anything. I would go about my day talking to the people that did care.
I wouldn’t be venemous when her time came around, but I would be much less likely to care or offer my thoughtful insight.
She has esteem issues that won’t go away with one talk, I can tell you that.