- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Ugh. I am so emotionally exhausted right now. I’ve been engaged for only a few weeks, and I’m trying to get a handle on everything. Between the crap from my parents, and from my FMIL, though, I’m just about ready to say F it, and elope!
A little background: FI and I have been together for 3 years, living together for almost 2. We were both raised Catholic, but neither of us has regularly attended church, or felt much connection with Catholicism, since high school. My parents no longer attend church. His Mother, however, does attend church, and literally, the first words out of her mouth after we said we were engaged were “You will be getting married in the church, right?”. FI sort of froze, and reluctantly said yes, and thats where all the trouble has started.
My mother feels like we aren’t doing what we want, by agreeing to a church wedding, and has a lot of issues with crowds/social anxiety/ not wanting our family to be there. FMIL is concerned with only 2 things – that we get married in the church, and that we invite all of her very many family members. My father is very much a realist, and doesn’t want us to spend much/any money on a wedding, and also feels that it will be hypocritical of us to get married in a church that we don’t attend any longer.
I’ve now had a 24-hour fight with my mother, and made my FMIL cry over all this – and I think we’ve come to the realization that there isn’t really anything that we can do that will make everyone happy. We are leaning towards small, family only destination wedding, and big reception when we get home, but that causes FMIL to say things like “Well, if thats what you are going to do, then you don’t even need a wedding dress”.
I just don’t know what to do. FI and I are fairly easy going people, and just want to have a nice, fun wedding that everyone is happy with. We are willing to make compromises to make people happy, but it feels like the compromises we make to please one will actively displease the other. We also aren’t super-young – I’m 32, and FI is 27, we have careers and a condo and a puppy. I’m so frustrated and upset by the whole thing, I just want to stop talking about wedding planning altogether – I feel like all the fun has been sucked out of the process. Any advice on how to deal with all this, and how to get back to feeling the fun and excitement that I should be feeling?