Feeling like I should leave- Parner has friends over daily and I feel unwelcome

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Have you said to him that you feel unwelcome in your own home? I wouldn’t walk immediately but warn him that if things don’t change in 6 months, you’ll be gone. 

Post # 3
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

Was he spending so much time with friends before you moved in together? Has he always refused to help out with chores or is this a recent thing?

Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

If you’ve tried talking to him about it and he has not changed anything to me it honeslty sounds like he is lazy and is not ready to fully commit to a relationship sound like he has some maturing to do   . If you need your own personal space then go for it I’m seriously picturing your home as a bachelor pad at this moment 

Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If I were you I would pack up my things and leave.

Post # 7
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

He sounds like a teenager. I’d leave. 

Post # 8
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow.. he does sound like a teenager. That’s crazy. My husband and I always let the other one know if we’re inviting a friend over.. that’s so disrespectful to you!! If either of us wants to see friends during the week, we’d almost always go out to a cafe for an hour or so rather than inviting a friend over, as when we get home from work most of the time we just want to relax in peace… so if we do have friends over to our home it’s our common friends or siblings, and usually at weekends. How old is he? I’m leaning towards advising you to leave..

Post # 9
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think you should leave.  You should never be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.  He wants to live like a bachelor.  

Post # 10
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No way I would put up with that. I’d be gone. He sounds super immature.

Post # 11
Member
4909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have to agree.  He sounds too immature for a grown up relationship.  I’d leave & see how long before he even notices.

Post # 12
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

To me, this sounds like behavior that isn’t going to change. I think in the long run, if you don’t want to live like this, you would be happier elsewhere. I’m sorry.

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

What do they all do when they’re over? This may be totally off base but my friend had the same experience and her FI would have people over very afternoon/night and they would spend all that time drinking. It turned out he had a pretty serious drinking problem and invited friends over so he wouldn’t have to drink alone.

I am NOT saying that is the case here but maybe there’s something else going on, depending on what he and his friends do the whole time.

Post # 14
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would leave. 3-5 hours daily is a lot of time. It’s ok to see friends, but no reason to see them everyday. If anything, his friends should understand how you feel as well. Sounds like a pack of undergrads. 

Post # 15
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I wouldn’t say him having friends over is an issue in itself, unless they are doing something illegal or unpleasant in your home. It’s how he was when you met him, so you can’t change a person.

What seems like the issue to me is that he has not honoured his agreement in two areas. You jointly agree dhe would reduce his ‘friend time’, which he isn’t doing, and you jointly agreed that he would do X and you would do Y around the house, which he isn’t doing.

If you’ve tried talking to him about it and he won’t change then I think it’s time to leave, or perhaps make it clear that’s what you’re thinking and go stay with a friend / fmaily for a few days so he really understands how seriously you’re taking this.

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