Post # 1
hi everyone, just looking for a little advice.
I have been with my partner for over 3 years and living together for 1 but I am feeling unwelcome in my own home. He gets home before I do and has friends over EVERY day and refuses to help out around the house, we have set chores- he is supposed to take care of the outside (gardens lawn etc) take the rubbish and bins out and clean the bathroom but he refuses to do this most of the time and will only mow the lawns when a rent inspection is due- I do the garden beds if I want them doing and all the rest of the household chores. His friends come over as soon as he gets home and leave at least an hour or more after I get home ( I go out about1-2 nights a week max)- giving him around 3-5 hours daily friend time- is this too much? I have talked to him about it and he does not seem to think there is anything wrong with anything he does even though I have brought it up many many times. Am i wrong to want to move out?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Have you said to him that you feel unwelcome in your own home? I wouldn’t walk immediately but warn him that if things don’t change in 6 months, you’ll be gone.
Post # 3
Was he spending so much time with friends before you moved in together? Has he always refused to help out with chores or is this a recent thing?
Post # 4
If you’ve tried talking to him about it and he has not changed anything to me it honeslty sounds like he is lazy and is not ready to fully commit to a relationship sound like he has some maturing to do . If you need your own personal space then go for it I’m seriously picturing your home as a bachelor pad at this moment
Post # 5
He has always had friends over and we discussed before moving out that friends would be over no more than 2 days a week and that went completely out the window as soon as we got the keys- I have told him over and over that I do not feel comfortable with people there all the time (sometimes they even come over and sit in the shed/man cave when he isn’t even home) and told him I don’t feel welcome when they are there asn even if I go sit with them I am ignored
Post # 6
If I were you I would pack up my things and leave.
Post # 7
He sounds like a teenager. I’d leave.
Post # 8
Wow.. he does sound like a teenager. That’s crazy. My husband and I always let the other one know if we’re inviting a friend over.. that’s so disrespectful to you!! If either of us wants to see friends during the week, we’d almost always go out to a cafe for an hour or so rather than inviting a friend over, as when we get home from work most of the time we just want to relax in peace… so if we do have friends over to our home it’s our common friends or siblings, and usually at weekends. How old is he? I’m leaning towards advising you to leave..
Post # 9
I think you should leave. You should never be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. He wants to live like a bachelor.
Post # 10
No way I would put up with that. I’d be gone. He sounds super immature.
Post # 11
I have to agree. He sounds too immature for a grown up relationship. I’d leave & see how long before he even notices.
Post # 12
To me, this sounds like behavior that isn’t going to change. I think in the long run, if you don’t want to live like this, you would be happier elsewhere. I’m sorry.
Post # 13
What do they all do when they’re over? This may be totally off base but my friend had the same experience and her FI would have people over very afternoon/night and they would spend all that time drinking. It turned out he had a pretty serious drinking problem and invited friends over so he wouldn’t have to drink alone.
I am NOT saying that is the case here but maybe there’s something else going on, depending on what he and his friends do the whole time.
Post # 14
I would leave. 3-5 hours daily is a lot of time. It’s ok to see friends, but no reason to see them everyday. If anything, his friends should understand how you feel as well. Sounds like a pack of undergrads.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t say him having friends over is an issue in itself, unless they are doing something illegal or unpleasant in your home. It’s how he was when you met him, so you can’t change a person.
What seems like the issue to me is that he has not honoured his agreement in two areas. You jointly agree dhe would reduce his ‘friend time’, which he isn’t doing, and you jointly agreed that he would do X and you would do Y around the house, which he isn’t doing.
If you’ve tried talking to him about it and he won’t change then I think it’s time to leave, or perhaps make it clear that’s what you’re thinking and go stay with a friend / fmaily for a few days so he really understands how seriously you’re taking this.