Feeling like I'm insignificant to my SO… Am I being irrational?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is definitely not something you can change, I am sorry.

You have a relationship with a party animal child. I say child not because he’s having fun or anything… But because he fails to balance his fun time with everything else he has to do.

I wouldn’t waste my time, but if you want to continue with this relationship you have to talk about this like grownups.

 

Post # 4
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

@Meglin:  Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t feel like you’re being irrational, but a relationship with him right now *could* be unrealistic. I was basically undatedable from 21-23, because all I wanted to do was party. My bf at the time got his heart broken by me because I was a selfish asshole. I’m not saying this is the case with your guy, I think you need to sit him down and have a discussion. When do you turn 21? I can imagine how bad this sucks right now, and your SO is definitely being selfish and inconsiderate. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Where I come from, it seems like a lot of people lose themselves for a while when they turn 21. There’s nothing you can really do except tell him how you feel…for a lot of my friends it took us a few years to let the wild run its course and he could be like us or he could wake up and get a grip for you. 🙁 Sorry you’re going through this though.

Post # 7
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

@Meglin:  If you ask him to stop partying, not only will he likely not listen, he may resent you. Just tell him exactly how his actions have made you feel, even if you’re basically reading your exact words from this post. If he’s worth your time, he will listen AND change his actions. This is another reason I think relationships at this young of an age can be a bigger gamble than in older years. Not saying it isn’t possible for it to work, but you will both be different people in 5 years. How long have you been together? 

Post # 9
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@boogiewoogies:  This. OP I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. I think maybe you need to give your relationship some space and time…21 is still pretty young and a lot can change between now and even his next birthday! I remember a lot of people taking a good year or two (or going on 10 for some…) to calm down. It sounds like your priorities are in different places right now, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it may even be a blessing in disguise. I know it isn’t easy, but maybe this is a good opportunity to explore who you are on your own. (((Hugs)))

Post # 10
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

@Meglin:  Wow that is a long time! My sis has been with her SO for 14 years, and they’re only 27. They’ve had ups and downs, but have fought through it all. I say see what happens when you turn 21. If he’s excited and includes you in his outings, great! If he gets distant and suddenly wants a lot of “guys nights” then you may want to consider a break. Don’t allow him to leave you at home in tears. Good luck girly, hope it all works out very soon. 

Post # 11
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  +1 to the age theory. People change so much in their early twenties! I was a party animal for quite a few years during that time. I didn’t try to drag someone along with me who wasn’t the same way though. That’s selfish and inconsiderate. 

If partying is what he wants right now, I’d say let him go. He’ll only continue to put you on the back burner. Maybe in a few years he’ll realize what a fool he was.

Post # 12
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

@Fluffmallow:  Yup. I’ve done it to people, and it’s been done to me as well and it sucks. My first bf did this when he turned 18 and I was 16. Funny, I sat down with him about a year ago and you could see the regret on his face. He never did anything with his life except more drugs, never left that little town. 

Post # 13
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

@Meglin:  sadly you are both growing up and apart.  There is such a huge change from a child of 16 and an adult of 21.  It is rare although not unheard of for relationships to survive and unfortunately it doesn’t sound like yours will.  If I were you I would be moving on while I was still able to remember the good times and stay friends.  Wishing you good luck you sound like a lovely balanced young lady!

Post # 14
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Meglin:  “Now, his mom has to stay up late tonight until the concert is over to pick him up.”


What adult man has his mother pick him up from a concert? Do you not have cabs in your town?

Post # 15
Member
2225 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Don’t enable his drinking.  If the rate of his drinking doesn’t stop soon it could become a problem.

Post # 16
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

@Meglin:  I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and it sounds like the problem is on his end. Life is about balance and priorities and if he legitimately privileges drinking over spending time with you, then that’s a huge problem.

It sounds like he even privileges it over his own responsibilities, like getting to work. Driving drunk is absolutely not okay and if he wants to party, then he needs to find safe ways to get home (and that shouldn’t mean depending on you when you’re working long days or his mother). 

Honestly, OP, he sounds incredibly immature and he’s making you play second to his friends and newfound drinking habit (which sounds like it could become a problem). When I turned 19, I didn’t become an overnight alcholoic or throw my relationships and responsibilities out the window. I’d have an honest discussion with him and see where your relationship falls on his priority scale. 

Remember, actions speak louder than words. 

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