Feeling like I'm stuck in life.

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
3407 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry you are feeling sad, but I also think letting other peoples happiness bring you sorrow is kinda selfish.

Really, if I am going to be honest, there is no great time to have kids. Why not just do it, if you are feeling like this? A baby does not need a lot of space or stuff. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Olivepepper.
Post # 3
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I am in a very similar situation, drowning in student loans for a degree i havnt even found a job in yet. i keep holding off waiting to start my career, clear some debt and settle in a city (as im applying all over the country) but i will be 30 soon as also dont want to wait to long… im feeling more and more like maybe just DO IT! start the family and sort the rest out later… because at the end of the day the only thing in the world that matters is family..right?

Post # 5
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m so sorry you’re overwhelmed. And I agree that it helps to talk about this? Does your husband know how you are feeling about this? Talking to him about this might help, and maybe he’s even feeling similarly.

The only thing I want to say is that you are betting on a lot of things happening at once that often take a long time or often don’t turn out perfectly… it’s hard to find the perfect home AND it’s hard to find a new job in any location, let alone a small geographic location. Also, some people find it hard to conceive. What about starting on one of these sooner rather than later? Why can’t you start looking for a new job now in the new town and nail that down, and then start making the move? I guess I’m just trying to get across and IF it were me in this situation, I might compromise on having 100% of the money to buy a house/make a down payment if it meant my quality of life and mood greatly increasing. I might deal with renting for a while if it meant I would be closer to my family and being in a better place sooner rather than later.

Post # 6
Member
3407 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

No, it isn’t ideal. But it isn’t impossible either. Choosing to feel like you are ‘missing a piece of your life’ purely because it will be hard to lug the baby a couple of floors and there is no family around seems silly, especially given your desired timeline.

You aren’t going to raise the baby there forever, you can still move like planned and raise the little one closer to family. I dunno. Maybe I just see things to simplistically. I mean no disrespect.

Post # 7
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You said you won’t be ready to buy for another year. Could you not move now and rent something in your new town? Peope do have babies in rentals.

Post # 8
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re not alone! My husband and I are very ready! But also have a lot of uncertainity in the next year. Moving for work, wanting to purchase our first home, I’m a supply teacher – so a new board means losing senority and starting over. We both want it now but just feel like its not the right time. 

On the other side, we had my aunt with young children (2 &5) visiting from OOT, they just left and I’m exhausted! Haha as much as its what we want, it made me realize I should appreciate the freedom and time we have now! Stay positive, things will happen! 

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I too am a planner and you know what?  The older I get the more I realize there is never a perfect time to have kids.  Kids don’t care or know if you own or rent, have an amazing job or a crappy job, and on and on.  When I was settled in a home I owned, I had a crappy job and I felt way too young to be a mom.  Now I live in a small flat in a downtown area with a job that offers great benefits and while I feel like my window to have kids is getting smaller (I’m 30 and want to start TTC by 35 at the latest), I have so much more I want to do before being tied down with a kid.

There is no perfect situation to have kids and even if you do something bad could happen like being fired or losing your house, so even if you start TTC when everything in life is perfect, there is no guarantee you will still be that perfect position when you have your child or while they grow up.  I completely understand feeling like something is missing, especially during the holidays when I ache to share my family traditions with a child of my own.  You just have to pick a point to pull the trigger and do it.

Post # 11
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

As someone who waited for a move, a house, and the right job before TTC, I am sure glad that I did. Also, as someone who is having my first child in my mid-30s, it’s SO not a big deal. At all.

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

sofialovesmikey:  There will never be a “right time” to have children.  There will always be something else you want to do, could do, should do—- 

I had my first baby at 27- unmarried (but with my bf at the time).  We lived in a house (rented), then moved into my parents house(!)- then we lived in a 2 BR apartment for 2.5 years.

I still don’t own the home I now live in- technically, my dad owns it, but we treat it like our own, and we do pay rent, but it’s not the same as renting from a landlord.  It’s a 2 BR house.  I am 34- didn’t get married til I was 33– and I am pregnant with baby #2.

Maybe you should stop waiting for everything to be perfect, and just roll with the punches.  You don’t have to own a home to have a baby….and once you get pregnant, you have nine months to get some kinks worked out.  

We are wanting to buy, we just aren’t quite ready yet– since this will not be a starter home, again- we are in our thirties 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

DH and I have this conversation often. He was ready to get married 2 years before me. I wanted out of college and a “career” job before we got engaged and he was frustrated with my need for perfect timing. Now we have the same conversation with kids bc he says I push it off for the next milestone (first was BFF’s wedding, then a house, then other friends wedding, then busy season at work). And he’s right. I need to let go of my need to have the perfect timing if I really want a baby soon. Especially since it could take months (or more!) to happen. 

So basically, I totally get this wanting to plan and wait, but if you (and I!) can convince ourselves the throw away the plan, I’m sure it’ll work out fine!

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